Came Out To My Mother

[Moonspirited]

So..I came out to my mother today about my gender dysphoria when I got home from work - I live in my parent's basement suite. It didn't go the way I had planned. I was told I was looking for attention and being silly. Then she started to say the internet was giving me bad ideas. I was frustrated! She said she wanted medical proof and then left.

I am currently undergoing sessions with my gender therapist and I'm wondering if i should let it slide until I get my letter to show the proof. Thoughts?

[Melody Maia]

My mother didn't react exactly the some way, but close. It is a form of denial. By minimizing it, she hopes it will go away. I would talk to your therapist about how to best handle it. In my case, my mother is seeing her own therapist to cope with it (and the recent death of my father).

[lilacwoman]

on lots of chatrooms it's bad to give your age and location but on Susan's it gives us an idea of what response to give.

so now she has done the denial so you need to show her you are changing and if possible get her some input from a therapist.

and get a piece of paper and try to put your ideas of what future you see for yourself and what you want to happen in home, work and social life.

are you ready to step out the door as the new you?

[Moonspirited]

Update:
I talked with my therapist I was told not to worry and just let things ride out and play themselves out for a while. As I felt it was the correct thing to do at the time and coming out at the end of the day was decency.

Kayla

[Kayla]

Wow, eerily similar to me, down to chosen the name.... 

[sneakersjay]

By the time I came out to my parents i'd seen not only my original therapist, but  my primary gender therapist, and a second gender therapist who ran a trans support group, and I needed to have a session with her first to see if I would be a good fit.  So when my parents wanted proof, they basically asked if I had gotten a second opinion, and I was able to say truthfully that I'd even gotten a third!  LOL

I'm also older which helped a bit I think.  I'm sure I would have gotten more flack if I were younger.


Jay

[Moonspirited]

Wow, eerily similar to me, down to chosen the name.... 

It would be interesting to compare one day to see how similar we are. Just a thought.

[Kayla]

It would be interesting to compare one day to see how similar we are. Just a thought.

Point by point..

So..I came out to my mother today about my gender dysphoria when I got home from work - I live in my parent's basement suite.

I came out to my mom a month and a half ago after school (I have evening classes). I also live in my parents basement.

It didn't go the way I had planned. I was told I was looking for attention and being silly. Then she started to say the internet was giving me bad ideas. I was frustrated! She said she wanted medical proof and then left.

Same, my coming out didn't happen the way I had planned. She told me I was going through a "phase" and that I was "confused" and "influenced by something" (non-drug, just "something"). But yeah, it was really depressing, I mean, here I just revealed the deepest darkest secret of my life, and she just shrugs it off as a "phase" (a "phase" I've been going through for 21 years  ) so I know I'll have to come out to her again.

I am currently undergoing sessions with my gender therapist and I'm wondering if i should let it slide until I get my letter to show the proof. Thoughts?

I don't have a therapist yet, I came out to one of my best friends, she was mildly surprised (kinda scared me how mildly) and she's supportive. She's sort of my "therapist" at the moment, because my paychecks go to school, my car, and my phone and I'm taking student loans on top of that, so I don't have the money for gender therapy. I'm hoping to begin end of spring semester; May 2011 which is depressing, but so is the life of a college student.

Similar??

[Moonspirited]

It is much similar indeed. I know I'm going to have to come out again to her later on or start acting differently around her. I'm growing out my hair so I'll probably drop that line down that she needs to accept the new me if she questions it. Where before I always had very short hair. As far as coming out to my mother she hasn't said much since I came out and she is starting to respect my area in the basement suite I live in. Personally, my interests have changed since I started seeing the therapist as I'm gaming much less than usual and I find it boring . There must have been some connection with gaming and my depression\anxiety\dysphoria where I hid behind it. Don't get me wrong though I am an exceptional gamer and in the World of Warcraft community although I think its going to come to an end very soon- its just not me anymore.

[Kaelleria]

What server? Lol!

In my experience parents go through 3 phases: Denial, mourning, and acceptance.

Denial is difficult to deal with... I had to deal with it for over 4 years with my parents. Right now, you're always be your mom's little boy. This is a phase and you'll grow out of it, those video games are making you feel this way, any other stupid, ridiculous thing they can come up with... This does mean, that your parents love you.  It wasn't until I made real strides in getting my transition going that my parents moved on to the mourning stage.

One thing a lot of people I've known don't realize is as much of a journey your decision is, your parents have a similar one to make. You may have spent years wrestling with your feelings, but your parents are just beginning it. Things take time and there is quite a bit of mourning that takes place. Undoubtedly some of your parents hopes and dreams for you are gone and accepting a new person (you basically are a new person) while the wounds of losing a loved one is still fresh is very difficult.

Finally there is acceptance. Your parents still miss what they have lost, but are accepting a new person into their life. This may be very similar to the person that they have lost, but is inherently different. Be warned, mourning and acceptance can take place at the same time...

With the gaming thing... its definitely possible to be addicted to video games. Its an escape... a fun one, but an escape. Sometimes that escape becomes more real than reality and there can be issues. Again... speaking from personal experience.