My husband came from a family of four boys and one girl. There was plenty of competition and testosterone amongst the boys. So when after 10 years of marriage he told me he liked to dress up in womans clothes, I knew that had to be a deep seated and sincere desire. It was not easy to confess and I could not think there was any benefit to expose that to me, unless it was very important to him. I, as a woman who loves being one, I cannot imagine having to wear nothing but jeans and a T-shirt through out life. Occasionally a suit, or button up shirt. I really desire to go shopping, buy interesting clothes and have fun dressing up.(I would totally raid Lucielle Balls closet ) Why wouldn't I understand that for him. He felt the need, he wanted it. I kept his secret and and it gave me new venues for buying gifts. I found it so fun to be able to come home with panties and nighties just for him. It was our secret. Now 18 years later, he has let me know it is more than just dressing up. He gradually let me in on the choice he has made. He is a transgendered woman. He recently came out for the first time. I didn't know about it and wasn't there. I was relieved and at the same time hugely anxious and stressed about it.I felt left out but (He is now she) she was right to suggest that she just could not do it with me. I understood that. I felt like that part of me that was so private is now in the open.
I was going up and down and inside and out trying to figure out what I was feeling. I did not want her to come out. I thought what we did in private was enough, wasn't it? Do we have to change everything? She has been away now for about 3 weeks. Though I miss her it has been a growing time, a time of reflection for both of us. She has gone out several times. She sends me pictures. Every chance she gets. She is happier by far than I have ever known her to be. I am happy for her. She deserves to be happy and feel good. She is an amazing, caring, wonderful person. She loves everyone in her family and is always good to everyone in mine. She has been my best friend forever. Soooo...........
I am not perfect by any means and she always puts up with me.That is wrong, she loves me nicely anyways. She knows me inside and out. Even when I cannot acknowledge something she knows what I am thinking. It is our life and (despite other beliefs) this may be the only one we have, my friend and lover deserves to live it the way she feels good in. I deserve to have my friend forever and feel good with her. So it shall be.
I will do my best not to struggle with what others will think. I always believed you cannot please all of the people all of the time. So why worry about it. Sometimes I do but it is unproductive. Too simply put....The world should be a better place. Everyone on Suzan's should feel great in the world. We as spouses should be allowed to feel accepting and acceptance in this world too. Every time we stand up for ourselves we pave the road for others. Choose Love.
