Talks with dad..

[Berren]

Tonight was one of the few occasions I got to talk about my being trans with my dad.
First things first, I came out to the rest of my family. I was shopping with my auntie yesterday and I told her (we somehow got onto the topic of my sexuality) and she was very supporting (gave me a hug), and later that night I messaged my two sisters, and they both seem to be taking it very well, which is tremendously relieving.
Anyway, about the talk with my dad.
Without going into all the details, I gathered the impression that he would never be accepting of my transition or trans identity. He said I would always be  to him (my birth-name) and that I should just conform to "normality" because I was "hurting him". When I said I wasn't going to sacrifice my happiness because it's convenient for him, he just said "Lets agree to disagree". The whole conversation went better than I thought it would though, on numerous occasions he said "You'll do what you want", which gives me hopes that he won't be a complete horror when it comes to me changing my name (I plan to do this in about 7 months).

So, just a little update. I really wasn't expecting my other two sisters to be cool with my transition, so I'm really stoked about that. Can't really say I'm surprised with my dad's general "No" attitude though. Oh well.

[Tad]

That's how Dad's always are at first I hear.. He's just concerned for your wellbeing. I'm sure if he sees you're happier and such he'll come around eventually.

[Berren]

I'm not so sure. He is very traditional and most certainly prejudice against people for no reason (homosexuals, people of different races, and more) so I can imagine this always having some stigma with it, even if he does eventually get better.

[Leek]

It's expected that his initial reaction might be negative, but at least it wasn't explosive.

Maybe in time, his own notion of tradition will make him see things a little more sympathetically. This happened with my father, who is also pretty prejudiced, especially against LGBTers--there came a point where he kind of finally understood that being trans wasn't just an advanced form of THE GAY and basically asked: "So you just want to be a normal person, then? Just a normal guy with a normal girl? Oh, okay, I see." This seemed to make a lot more sense to him, more than even the notion of homosexuality, and in a weird twist it seems his own need for traditional gender roles and conformity made him more accepting. (I know it's a case of the right results for the wrong reasons, but it's better then nothing, eh?)

[JuniorGreen73]

My dad had a similar reaction and I was afraid of what was going to happen to our relationship after I started transition.  I am know 6 months into transition and he is one of my biggest supporters.  The one thing I have learned is to not read too much into people's initial reaction, positive or negative.  It's hard not too at times but if you and your dad had a decent relationship before you came out I would think he will be okay with it, just give it time.

[Berren]

Thanks guys. I'm hoping he'll get better once he realises I'm serious about it, and when I start going to the doctors etc. If he isn't.. then I'm okay with that, I have to be. I guess we had an okay relationship before I came out, but now I think he's being more hostile towards me because of my transition? (Shouting at me for no reason, blaming things that weren't my fault on me, stuff like that)

[tray999]

This topic speaks to me because honestly, I'm the most afraid of my father's reactions to my transition as well. With that said, I've come to terms with a few things after thinking about it.

No matter what your dad says, or how he treats you, he'll be your father. That isn't going to change, because its a fact. But..that doesn't mean you have to let him into your life if he won't accept you as you are. I'm not saying to stop talking to him, but I am saying that there will come a point when he'll either come around, or you'll stop wanting to associate with him and his negativity. Perhaps I'm biased because I see myself in this position in the future, but still. Think about the people who do support you, and focus on them. If you're dad is going to come around, it will be on his own time. Make sure he has the information he might need, and make sure he knows he can ask questions and talk to you if he wants to..but beyond that, there's not a lot you can do.

With that said, good luck. I hope your dad comes around.

[Berren]

Tray; I, like you, was most afraid of my dad's reaction as well. I didn't expect him to be great with it, and he isn't. I literally just tried to talk to him about it, and he said it was  something like: a hormonal imbalance that will go away within time. The TV was on as well and when I was trying to talk to him (I was sat on a chair behind him) he just told me to be quiet. He even said that "if I ignore it, it will go away" "it" being my trans identity. He also said that it was "a made up disease" and when I told him that it was around even in Native American tribes, he just started cursing Americans. Honestly, he is so ignorant, he wasn't even drunk tonight. I can't really see him ever taking this well.

I already want to stop associating with him, and I probably would have already if I didn't live with my family. I also just heard that one of my sisters that I had talked to on the phone a few days ago (who said she was okay with my trans identity) had called my dad to blame it on him for taking me out of school, which was kind of my choice anyway. But it's just so irritating. My mum can't even call me by my desired name because my dad will probably play hell with her. I just wish I wasn't in this situation.

[JuniorGreen73]

It does suck when your family isn't supportive of you...do you have a friend or someone else that is supportive?  Before my family was more accepting, I had one friend that has been awesome during the difficult times.  Having one person is at least some comfort.