Scared and confused etc :(

[Britney♥Bieber]

So...I feel with my whole heart that I'm a woman. So why do I keep feeling scared and confused and insecure about transitioning? I want to be pretty, and feel pretty. I want to be a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. I even wish I could be pregnant. I want to be treated and seen by all as female. When I started getting facial hair, I felt embarrassed and really sad. I don't feel like I'm a cross-dresser because I want to do everything as female. Work, school, social things, sleep, hygiene etc. I never have a desire to be masculine in any way, in fact I feel trapped in male clothing. I'm so excited to be on hormones and to get boobs, and grow my hair out, etc and the idea of stopping makes me sad. I don't know if my negative feelings come from my codependency on my best friend, my un supportive parents or what. I'm really scared. When I wonder if I'll regret this in the future, the only thing I can imagine is being scared to do it and regretting NOT doing it.

[Janet_Girl]

Many of us face those same fears, Britney.  But the only way to get pass it is to face it.  And the only way to face it is to do it.

I would rather live as a ugly woman, than spend one more minute as a male.  The only regret you may have is not doing it now.  I know I do.  I started transition 20 years ago and gave in to the fear.  I have regretted every moment since till 2008.  I am happier and love life again.

[Britney♥Bieber]

So it's normal to feel scared?

[Jillieann Rose]

Britney,
That is a normal reaction now that you have began down this road. There is always that doubt.  But listen to yourself.

I feel trapped in male clothing. I'm so excited to be on hormones and to get boobs, and grow my hair out, etc and the idea of stopping makes me sad.

Also you are just starting to deal with a whole new set of emotions. We all have to learn to deal with them. It takes time. To be able to share your feelings here at Susan's will help.
Just keep texting girl and you can get through this fine.
If it doesn't get better soon  or get worst I would talk to your gender therapist. about these feelings and emotions.
Hang in there girl.
Jillieann   

[Janet_Girl]

If it wasn't, I would doubt that you were human.  Transition is THE biggest thing a person can do.  And with all the scary stories out there about people being hurt or killed because they are trans, the Xtain Nutters going after the GLBT community, Transpeople being sued in court, it is no wonder that we get scared.  But by standing tall and stepping forward is the only way to overcome that fear.

Nothing in your life will be as big as transition.

[Jillieann Rose]

And for many of us we have to choose between transitioning and possible losing friends, family, jobs or not transitioning. Just one of the many worries.
So like we said it is normal.

[xAndrewx]

Sorry to sneak into this section of the forum but wanted to throw in my two cents. I only speak from my experience but I echo what they said. I know I'm transitioning opposite of you but it's totally normal babe. Each step might make you nervous or upset. Not to mention you started hormones not that long ago so your body is dealing with different hormones which has to mess with your emotions a little in general. Just take each step one day at a time and if it all seems overwhelming take a minute to breathe. You sound one hundred percent sure it is what you want so don't worry. It'll get easier in time

[Britney♥Bieber]

If it wasn't, I would doubt that you were human.  Transition is THE biggest thing a person can do.  And with all the scary stories out there about people being hurt or killed because they are trans, the Xtain Nutters going after the GLBT community, Transpeople being sued in court, it is no wonder that we get scared.  But by standing tall and stepping forward is the only way to overcome that fear.

Nothing in your life will be as big as transition.

Thanks Momma Janet!! <3 <3 I keep trying to wrap my head around the whole idea and I love it. Like I'm feeling great now, just a few hours later, damn these mood swings haha.

Britney,
That is a normal reaction now that you have began down this road. There is always that doubt.  But listen to yourself.
Also you are just starting to deal with a whole new set of emotions. We all have to learn to deal with them. It takes time. To be able to share your feelings here at Susan's will help.
Just keep texting girl and you can get through this fine.
If it doesn't get better soon  or get worst I would talk to your gender therapist. about these feelings and emotions.
Hang in there girl.
Jillieann   

That makes a lot of sense. I quite like how I feel most of the time now. I cry easier, which is good for me because after doing so I feel much better. Hearing that doubt is normal, makes me feel a lot better. It's not a normal doubt that would paralyze me in transition, but it's sort of an irrational fear, kinda like watching a horror film and being scared of walking down a dark hall. You know it's stupid but you can't shake that feeling!!

Sorry to sneak into this section of the forum but wanted to throw in my two cents. I only speak from my experience but I echo what they said. I know I'm transitioning opposite of you but it's totally normal babe. Each step might make you nervous or upset. Not to mention you started hormones not that long ago so your body is dealing with different hormones which has to mess with your emotions a little in general. Just take each step one day at a time and if it all seems overwhelming take a minute to breathe. You sound one hundred percent sure it is what you want so don't worry. It'll get easier in time

Thanks Michael!! I'm so glad I have all my brothers and sisters here at susans. I was worried about posting another thread but I felt like I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks to you all I feel much better!! This week has been long and emotional, for not much reason. I'm glad it's coming to an end. Next week is my follow up appointment with my doctor and the end of my fourth week on mones and I finally get to see my older sister and two little nieces for the first time in almost two years etc. So next week should be good!!

[Cindy]

As Janet said, There is nothing more confronting than changing your public gender.
As Micheal wisely said you have to get used to the new hormones.
I see your latest post and you are happier

Hang in girl. It's a ride like nothing in Disney Land.

Hugs

Cindy

[pebbles]

So it's normal to feel scared?

It's very normal I knew that after 6 months most of my changes were irreprable all the way upto that date I would sit really worried thinking "oh jeeze I hope I'm doing the right thing." Especally given how my parents react, ie somthing abit similar to yours.

It can be hard to remember how much pain you were in living as a male I myself have the pesudo-benifit of having a body covered in self-inflicted scars to cope with living as a male when I look at that I realize that  I don't want to go back and forward is the only way I can be happy. As I was distinctly suicidal prior to transitioning.

[Kaelleria]

Gender is one of those things that most of the worlds population takes for granted and its nearly impossible for someone to relate. Transition adds a whole new layer of things to worry about that there is relatively not a lot of information on (relative to "normal" issues. On top of that everyone's transition is different. Transition is an unknown and is probably the scariest thing you can put yourself through; there is nothing else that you can do to yourself that will fundamentally change the way the world looks at you.

It is a giant decision and any decision of any magnitude causes doubt. There will always be that what if feeling somewhere, but if you do your homework and do enough soul searching you'll come to a point where you'll be mostly sure and all you can do is trust yourself at that point. Honestly, you'll probably discover more about yourself and your feelings during the first few months of transition than you did the entire time leading up, I know I did.

[Angela]

Britney, these are only doubts you have because you are only in the start of your journey. I remember when I first started I had my doubts, but those doubts were crushed a few months later. Now chin up ! This should be a happy time in your life, youre destroying youre malehood, and unleashing Britney.

[April Dawne]

Britney, I was terrified about transition too; would I be able to see it through? What if money wasn't there halfway through? What if family and friends abandoned me? What if I lost my job? How would I survive as a mid-transition woman with no family or support? It's all scary, but what scared me most was NOT doing it. I knew it was right, and I knew it was needed. So you just have to ignore your fears, concentrate on the positive, and spend as much time as possible with the people that DO support you and believe in you. Being around people that don't offer that "safety net" can just make your doubts stronger.

We all love you Britney, and we are all here for you any time you need us! I'm so proud to call you a friend, and sister! HUGS!

<3 April

[Britney♥Bieber]

As Janet said, There is nothing more confronting than changing your public gender.
As Micheal wisely said you have to get used to the new hormones.
I see your latest post and you are happier

Hang in girl. It's a ride like nothing in Disney Land.

Hugs

Cindy

Thanks I can't wait for time to go by and see changes etc. So excited

It's very normal I knew that after 6 months most of my changes were irreprable all the way upto that date I would sit really worried thinking "oh jeeze I hope I'm doing the right thing." Especally given how my parents react, ie somthing abit similar to yours.

It can be hard to remember how much pain you were in living as a male I myself have the pesudo-benifit of having a body covered in self-inflicted scars to cope with living as a male when I look at that I realize that  I don't want to go back and forward is the only way I can be happy. As I was distinctly suicidal prior to transitioning.

Well I'm so glad you are transitioning then!! <3 I feel like when I was younger and stuff I kinda tried to ignore the fact that I was male. Because I don't remember really hating it but I never desired or felt comfortable.

Gender is one of those things that most of the worlds population takes for granted and its nearly impossible for someone to relate. Transition adds a whole new layer of things to worry about that there is relatively not a lot of information on (relative to "normal" issues. On top of that everyone's transition is different. Transition is an unknown and is probably the scariest thing you can put yourself through; there is nothing else that you can do to yourself that will fundamentally change the way the world looks at you.

It is a giant decision and any decision of any magnitude causes doubt. There will always be that what if feeling somewhere, but if you do your homework and do enough soul searching you'll come to a point where you'll be mostly sure and all you can do is trust yourself at that point. Honestly, you'll probably discover more about yourself and your feelings during the first few months of transition than you did the entire time leading up, I know I did.

As scared as I am I want to change the way the world looks at me, so I guess I'm doing the right thing. Not to say that other people are the main reason I'm transitioning or anything. But that's one thing that bugs me is being seen as and treated as a 19 year old boy! -____-

Britney, these are only doubts you have because you are only in the start of your journey. I remember when I first started I had my doubts, but those doubts were crushed a few months later. Now chin up ! This should be a happy time in your life, youre destroying youre malehood, and unleashing Britney.

Haha thanks Angela!! I hope they go away for good in a few months!

Britney, I was terrified about transition too; would I be able to see it through? What if money wasn't there halfway through? What if family and friends abandoned me? What if I lost my job? How would I survive as a mid-transition woman with no family or support? It's all scary, but what scared me most was NOT doing it. I knew it was right, and I knew it was needed. So you just have to ignore your fears, concentrate on the positive, and spend as much time as possible with the people that DO support you and believe in you. Being around people that don't offer that "safety net" can just make your doubts stronger.

We all love you Britney, and we are all here for you any time you need us! I'm so proud to call you a friend, and sister! HUGS!

<3 April

Thanks April, me too. I think it might be coming from my parents and their not supporting or wanting me to do this. No way in hell would I ever hold off on transitioning just for their support. I don't think I'll get it later anyways.

[SummerMoore]

So...I feel with my whole heart that I'm a woman. So why do I keep feeling scared and confused and insecure about transitioning? I want to be pretty, and feel pretty. I want to be a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. I even wish I could be pregnant. I want to be treated and seen by all as female. When I started getting facial hair, I felt embarrassed and really sad. I don't feel like I'm a cross-dresser because I want to do everything as female. Work, school, social things, sleep, hygiene etc. I never have a desire to be masculine in any way, in fact I feel trapped in male clothing. I'm so excited to be on hormones and to get boobs, and grow my hair out, etc and the idea of stopping makes me sad. I don't know if my negative feelings come from my codependency on my best friend, my un supportive parents or what. I'm really scared. When I wonder if I'll regret this in the future, the only thing I can imagine is being scared to do it and regretting NOT doing it.

Hi Britney.  I have felt (and still do) the same way.  Its a life-altering change that is huge and all too public.  When my step-dad was teaching me to shave (like when I was 12), I got so freaked out I actually passed out and fell into the bathroom closet (irony not lost on me).    What I am doing is just taking little steps at a time.  You don't have to be perfect right away, no one is.  Every day I just ask myself what the next RIGHT thing to do is.  Like right now my next right step is to drink another bottle of water because I need it.  After doing this for a while you will find you are living life in a positive way and making progress.  I get so stressed out thinking about the future, I just focus on what I can do right here and now.

hugs
summer

[Britney♥Bieber]

Hi Britney.  I have felt (and still do) the same way.  Its a life-altering change that is huge and all too public.  When my step-dad was teaching me to shave (like when I was 12), I got so freaked out I actually passed out and fell into the bathroom closet (irony not lost on me).    What I am doing is just taking little steps at a time.  You don't have to be perfect right away, no one is.  Every day I just ask myself what the next RIGHT thing to do is.  Like right now my next right step is to drink another bottle of water because I need it.  After doing this for a while you will find you are living life in a positive way and making progress.  I get so stressed out thinking about the future, I just focus on what I can do right here and now.

hugs
summer

That's a great outlook, thanks bb <3

[Sada]

bye

[Britney♥Bieber]

I think it would be abnormal not to be. There is so much going on inside your body, your mind, and with your life when you transition. Some of the changes will be really positive others will not be. Though that fact you are facing this issue head on, to me that says you have the heart of a tigress~^^ he first steps are always the hard ones and the last ones are like bucking broncos.

Aww a Tigress. I'll keep that in mind

[lightvi]

I feel the same way, we know what we want and we're going to do it... but I sure am scared. I think someone once said "real bravery is being scared to death, but doing it anyway" I need to remind myself to be brave more often I think. Anyone want to lend me some? hehe

[Cindy]

I feel the same way, we know what we want and we're going to do it... but I sure am scared. I think someone once said "real bravery is being scared to death, but doing it anyway" I need to remind myself to be brave more often I think. Anyone want to lend me some? hehe

I have a chalice  full of bravery to give away. It has been collected from the souls of girls and boys at Susan's. Drop by drop. If is a hard earned chalice.  It just tells us to be strong, it sings the stories of hope. It screams joy. It begs for acceptance. It's yours now. You asked. Be brave.

Hugs

Cindy