Why Transition?

[stephanie_craxford]

no I do not chat

Then I will not chat...

[VeryGnawty]

I am not a social creature and could not care less of what people think.

Notice I said *most* humans are social creatures.  Based on my own experience.

My 5'6" frame at 125 lbs demanded to be physical female.

I'm 5'6'' at 108 lbs and there is no demand for me to be physically female, apart from any demands I impose on my own, from my own desires.

I have always been unhappy with the male body. Considering the body is only your outside cover and the mind can live the way it chooses. My friends  are on the one to one type relationships and I do not participate in most of societies games.

You interact with your friends at the human level.  I respect that.

So far Ive not seen a single post on this forum I could identify with.

The main reason you probably don't identify with these forums is because you don't identify as anything in the first place, except for maybe identifying as a rebel.  To be honest, you might find a more astute audience at this forum.

I notice that you are very gung-ho about not using labels, about forcing people to interact with you at the human level.  But not everything traditional is gimmicky, and not everything new is trendy.

And before you get to jumping out of your seat, realize that there is no malice in this post.  There is no gender or labeling bias.  Only a realization that, for some people at least, the idea of having a category to belong to, a group, is an important part of their life.

[Bobbi T]

The more I come to terms with the less I understand about this issue. I do know with or without tranasition I know one thing for sure I am a woman. The other side is to that is that is there an itch I can not scratch without the the transition. I guess Ive known since I was about five who I was and I tried to transmit these feelings to others but they could not accept these feelings. I feel like I have spent my entire life masquerading as a man and not feeling happy about my decision. In short if I ever expect to be happy I must transition. If I had one person in my life who not support me I would have already  have done it. The only thing that keeps me from it is my own fear of being left alone in the world. I also understand that some hormones and the exterior organ does not makeyou man or woman. It is what is in my psyche which makes me a woman.   

[beth]

hello Bobbi,


                i understand what you are saying. unresolved transsexualism can leave us feeling so alone and the dream of transition only heightens the fears of being alone. fortunately lots of people surprise us and offer support when we finally come out. i am so glad to see you here Bobbi, you will never be alone here cause we all share similar experiences and feelings.

               welcome to susan's bobbi. 


beth

[Cailyn]

I am not a social creature and could not care less of what people think. I never played the male role and will only play the female role as related to business.

My 5'6" frame at 125 lbs demanded to be physical female...I do not participate in most of societies games. My social self will do what is necessary to survive and my essential self will rule the show.

So far Ive not seen a single post on this forum I could identify with.

What was your point then?  If you live by your own rules, the idea of transition becomes a moot point, doesn't it?  Present how you want, whenever you want? 

That would be my ideal since I don't have much use for gender stereotypes.  However, if you live and work in conventional society, there are limits to how "individual" you can be and still find work.  Being socially accepted is a bit looser but "oddballs"  tend to hang with other oddballs and do not find acceptance in wider society.  This is unfair--as those of us on the edge of society well know.  A few gender warriors aren't going change this established system quickly and most of us aren't warriors anyway, we're just trying to live and be happy. 

Thus, transition is partly a personal need to be ourselves, partly a need to find acceptance as ourselves, and a need to belong to our preferred gender which changes the entire equation on how we're treated as people.  It's like club membership really and you can diss the gender binary system but it's the one virtually all of society lives under.  If you are financially secure or don't care for material things, you can walk away from society and do whatever you want.  As it happens, most of us need to work and so we have to work the system and be male or female.

Your comment about your body demanding to be female because of size was strange--gender and size have nothing to do with each other. 

Cailyn

[Shelley]

Descartes said cogito, ergo sum. (I think therefore I am).

My thinking, we are what we think we are and what other people think we are is the result of trying to label us.

Much of forum seems to be about fighting what the world thinks and labels us as. We are individuals who self identify with some reference point what ever that maybe.

In this lovely place there are many reference points some that we can identify with some not. We do share one thing in common however, we experience the same world outside. Maybe not the same individuals and not the same levels of bigotry or acceptance but the same world.

So how do we differ then? For me it is how we react to it. In this place we are free to express how we feel and to attempt to explain our reactions. We are sharing and interacting on our own terms.

We should be sure in ourselves that the sharing of our experiences is promoting thinking in others and there is a process of self identification that either rejects or identifies with part or all that is presented. While this is not the commonly accepted use of the term to socialise it is in fact the root meaning of the word.

To Bobby,

I say welcome and recommend that you take the opportunity to socialise within the confines of this site and know that you are welcome and your views, while not always agreed with, will be respected.

Try on the woollen shirts of those that socialise here and see how they fit and through that process you will be able to gain a clearer understanding of the person within.

Goodluck to us all on our journey.

[Alison]

I think it was Berkeley who said "Esse est percipi" ..  'to be is to be percieved'

I understand you hate labels... and you say you avoid people who think that way, but aside from sealing yourself in your home, you will encounter other people, who WILL lable you...  its unavoidable...

me for example... I grew up straight... dated boys, met my future husband, dated, got engaged, he tells me, "he" is a "she", we marry anyway... but, now... I'm no longer straight.  Because I still sexually desire her.  What am I? I have No idea, I choose to not lable myself..   But when we go out in public, her enfemme, and me holding her hand, we're percieved as lesbians... even though thats not really true, I still sexually desire men, so I'm not a lesbian... But I don't blame people for 'lableing' me as such.

It happens.  You can't avoid it....  there are a million lables for one person.... short, tall, thin, heavy, man, woman, rich, poor, friendly, hateful, etc etc etc...

shielding yourself from that, would be shielding yourself from the entire world.

[Thundra]

Hmmmm?

Well, some folx transition to have surgery, and some folx have surgery to transition. Only each person knows why they they do what, and then only if they have spent enuf time being introspective to figure out how they work.

Still, the DSM does draw a slight distiction between those two basic motivations. Obviously, the latter group can chose to stop short of surgical intervention if they so choose.  The former group do not have that choice.

And then you get to the IS folx that do not believe that they need to do anything, and you'd better not try to tell them anything either.

Bottom line is, that humans have extremely complex social structures that operate on subjective operatives, rather than on any kind of structure that can be measured objectively. Case in point, is that you cannot even get folx that identify in the same social grouping to absolutely agree on the definitions of what constitutes the boundries that they derive based on their own internal judgments?

The boundries are there because we perceive them as so, and so define them for ourselves. What is a man/woman or male/female depends entirely upon that person's own internal judgment, and has little to do with what society legally defines as whatever, regardless of what science says.  It has changed over time and will continue to change as time marches on.

The most important thing then, is to spend as little time as possible concerning oneself with how others perceive oneself, and most of their time living their life as they choose.

So, why transition?  Simply because you want to.  Period.

[Cassandra]

What is it to transition? To transition is to take a life that is already upside down and purposely turn it inside out rotate 360 degrees on a three dimensional square of the space time continuum and place it back down in the proper place and in the correct form while trying to keep all other environmental factors and relationships intact. So why transition indeed!

Why does the runner on first run to second when the ball is struck by the batter? Why does a salmon swim upstream? Why do the sparrows always return to Capistrano? And why does the porridge bird lay it's eggs in the air?

Okay, never mind the last question. I'm in a mood this evening. I start out serious and then digress into silliness. I should probably just pop in the Monty Python DVD and be done with it for the evening. Anyway, my first paragraph I think pretty well illustrates what it means to transition. There is a reason it has been called "the change" So it does beg the question why would anyone want to put themselvse through that.

Because we must! Woman is what we are and come hell high water or sudden death we will be women in body as well as spirit. We are consumed by it. It is a passion without boundaries. And when it is done we will at least for a time be lost. What will we do then. That quest, that goal, that search for Eldorado achieved, how does one follow that? So we will seek a new passion to consume us and life will go on, happier for becoming who we really are. We transition to claim that which is rightfully ours, denied us at birth and for most of our lives.

We must, or like the salmon, perish in the attempt.

Cassie

[cjbutterfly]

Why transition!

If you have a headache, you might as well say why take aspirin, you take aspirin because they will ease the pain of the headache, you transition because this is the answer to the problem that you have.

Okay some TS's don't go for surgery, and if they find simply living as a woman is good enough for them, then fair play, but are they really living as women, when they cannot function, sexually as a woman, to live the rest of your life either without sex, or having to be extrememly selective who you sleep with, so you don't get murdered

Surgery for me was a necessity, I had to go the whole mile, and now I can date with confidence, knowing that the guy won't get into my panties, and find something that he's not expecting, and not wanting to find.

Also how does the body match the person inside without surgery.

Why transition, because it's the cure.

[Thundra]

<<<  Why transition, because it's the cure.  >>>

Nuh-uh.  There is no cure.  Do not delude people that have not been there, done that.

There is a treatment, but no cure.

There is no Eldorado, no panacea, nothing you can outwardly do to cure yourself.  Healing comes from within.  That is what therapy is for.

[Terri-Gene]

I can agree with you on that Thundra though I am still short of surgery.  I have already realized that while I had thought at first surgery would make a change in me I realize more and more that all the internal problems caused by both rejecting it and accepting it, and learning to deal with the results of that are every bit as important to my eventual happiness and completeness as a person.

No, Surgery is necessary as a means of completing the package, but without addressing all the problems that have been created by the necessity of surgery, I will not achieve what I am looking for in life and living.

After all, who I can sleep with isn't exactly my concern or my focus, it is simply a matter of being comfortable with myself, my relationships, and my view of life.

Terri

[Leigh]

I think that the knowlege of being able to function fully as a woman -lesbian or str8- is more important than the actual ability to do so.

The other thread about fantasy and delusion could be applied here also.

[Terri-Gene]

exactly

[Leigh]

Nice hat. 

[Valerie]

There are plenty of women, even genetic women, possibly even one on these forums who are much more "masculine" than me, but that doesn't make them any less of a woman.  Things like facial hair and clothes are simply ways in which people chose to present themselves.  Having facial hair does not make one a guy, and wearing a dress does not make one a girl.

Some years ago I caught a brief glimpse of a talk show (don't recall which one) that featured a woman who by all appearances was thought of as a man.  She was understandably distraught because she is a woman, with female genitalia and a 'womanly' voice, but has the body type, facial features, and pattern baldness that are associated with men.  I never did get to watch the program to the end, so I don't know if the talk show host ever provided any help for her. But wherever she is , I hope by now that she's arrived at a place where she can be recognized for the woman she is....

Valerie

[cjbutterfly]

Thundra, you are right in a way, but nothing changes the person you are inside, and if anyone is harbouring the delusion that surgery will make you a better person, then I can tell you that's rubbish.

In a human being, there are two basic people, in my experience, the person outside, and the person inside, and where the person outside matches the person inside then great, happiness, and good luck.

Some transsexuals don't have surgery, but even when you do, if you go out looking for relationships, specially if you don't have surgery you're running the risk of finishing up like Gwen Araujo, murdered.

It has happened in the UK too, where cross dressing prostitutes have picked up men, I know of one who has treated to a nice swim, in a dirty canal, she didn't get out.

However if you're truly happy without surgery then fair play to you.

In my case my person inside is, and allways was Christine, but the person outside was male, which, in the end, produced a mismatch that I could no longer live with, I needed to be as female as I could get, I'm there now, given the cash to do it, who knows how much further I could go FFS, boob job shave a bit off the vocals, etc

[Leigh]

Thundra, you are right in a way, but nothing changes the person you are inside, and if anyone is harbouring the delusion that surgery will make you a better person, then I can tell you that's rubbish.

I totally disagree!

I will quote the words of my son when he attended a support group I used to go to long ago.  The mod asked if he would mind answering some ?? and he had no problem with that. I need to preface his answer by saying that I was a single parent from 15 months so I raised him alone. He was 20 when this happened.  He was asked what was the difference between now and then. His answer was "what, living with that a$$hole before"

Transition and surgery does make a person (me anyway) a better/happier human being.   

[Terri-Gene]

Nice hat. 

Like yours also.  Actually that pic was taken after completing my first day back at work after the brain hemmorage incident in November.  I was dragging my left foot, running into walls, talking like I had a mouth full of novicane, my daughter had cut all my hair off because I couldn't handle a comb or brush and I was growing out for an electro session and it had been raining all day, so of course I was wearing my cap.  I was proud of myself for making it through the day with no restrictions and no special provisions and nobody expected me to last the day, but I did and every day after that, litterally learning to walk and talk again on the job.  I was proud of myself that day, thus the smile.

Transition and surgery does make a person (me anyway) a better/happier human being.

Again, no surgery yet, but I'm already a much happier person then I was a few years ago.  I can actually communicate with people close to me these days rather then just give orders and ask why things wern't done the way I specified.  My family tells me the difference is profound, and each of my daughters tells me that while we always had a good relationship, they feel so much more at ease with me now and that I am more open to them then before, so I gotta agree.

Terri

[Bobbi T]

The more i read other peoples stories the surer I become and I was already very sure I was a woman. The only thing that makes me a man  is on the outside.  I feel more comfortable with women but women are confused with who I am and men are confused with my identity as well. I have always thought that I did a god job of disguising who I am but the more look at my life the more I realise I am not. I feel like the surgery would allow my body to live in congruence with my phsyche. Whatever would happen I am not sure but it would at least allow people to see who I really am. I feel ultimately it would give better relationships with men and women.