Living your biological sex

[Darner]

Hey guys. I noticed there are one or two topics about surviving as a non-op, but I have a little different question. I've been struggling with it for a long time now. Is it possible to keep your biological sex, functioning like one and remain sane? If I hear of a TG, they usually plan or are already going through a sex change. If they're not, they make suicide. I imagine there is a lot of trans people who don't go through a sex change and I want to know if a normal life is possible?

I am very very sure I will not transition, I have a billion reasons for it. Coming out to every single person I know, explanations, money, health dangers (my body functiones perfectly now and I don't want to mess it up) and the two things that frustrate me the most:
1) the point of it. I think I'm living in a good time and place to be a physical woman. I have pretty much the same rights (if not even more in some areas) than men so the only reason that makes sense for me is for love. I would function in a relationship only as a male. I cannot imagine being a girlfriend of anybody or having sex as a woman or being in a relationship as a woman. But the thing is that I don't see myself in a relationship anyway. I'm not interested in love or family or long-term relationships so I don't think the whole transition would have any real meaning.
2) aggression. I'm incredibly aggressive but I'm restraining it. I'm moving too much last few years but I'm dreaming about a boxing bag when I'll settle down somewhere. I love destruction, trucks etc., but the thing I need most is to really beat up something. For real, until I faint. And as I watched TG documentaries, all the f2m's say how testosterone really filled them up with additional energy. I'm afraid I would beat people to death if I would be taking t shots. And I have some fantasies which I'm afraid I would want to make true if I would be a man. Every time I dress up as a guy, this really bad part of me comes out and I think this is what I would become (as a woman I'm not such an idiot, it's because I was raised so well, kind catholic girl).

So these are the reasons why I should never transition, but as you can imagine, they don't help with cancelling the ->-bleeped-<- out of my system. So what I want to know is: can these feelings be pushed aside? I'm repeating all the mentioned reasons to myself every day, for now I handle it (I am not depressed and I can live as a butch - but female looking - lesbian) but will this get worse? I'm 24, so I have no idea, how will I function 20 years later ...

[spacial]

I haven't managed to change. I'm 55. I've known almost my entire life. I would love, at the very least, to be rid of the ugly bit.

I think I'm as sane as it's possible to be. Though I do have a number of anxiety problems, not least being socially isolated.

I'm as sure as I can possibly be that things would have been very different if I had managed to change.

It wouldn't surprise me if many, who develop antisocial traits of various kinds, have done so to deal with the social pressures that I dealt with by becoming socially isolated.

I can't, in all honesty, say that anyone who doesn't change, will have emotional problems.

As for your reasons. I and I'm pretty sure, most people, will understand these. We must each find our own path and make our own journeys.

Just as we all object so strongly to pressures to stop change, there can never be any pressures to change either.

Hope this helps.

[kyril]

I can't really speak to your basic question, but you should be aware that testosterone doesn't have the same psychological effects in everybody, and many people - especially those with mood or anger problems with female hormones - report being calmer, more stable, and less aggressive on T.

Just to throw a wrench in the works of the official T side effects list: I've been on T for just over 4 weeks. I've experienced the following:
- Better concentration
- Lower and less constant (but more physical and focused) sex drive
- Better skin with dramatically less acne
- Calmer emotions, less aggression
- More stable moods
- Reduction in violent and suicidal ideation
- Weight loss, including waist and abdominal slimming
- Reduced sweating and body odour (confirmed by others)
- Lower blood pressure.

(also the standard downstairs growth, softening/shrinking of chest, slight strength increase, beginnings of facial fuzz, and slight voice change)

Anyway, I'm not saying you should transition. I am saying that you should be sure not to make any decisions for the wrong reasons - you don't know exactly what a hormone will do to you until you try it.

[Darner]

Wow kyril, thanks for this! I really didn't know t can also have such opposite effects; I mostly hear about more skin problems, weight growth, more body odour, definitely more aggression ... Interesting!

But still, I'm not the risk-thriving type. I like to be sure and I know much better how I function now then what would happen if I transition.

@spacial: but do you also live fully as your bio sex or did you change your whole appearance except for the bottom surgery? Because I'm planning to keep my whole female look (including long hair etc.) and so people will perceive me as a woman. You might think it's my problem then, if I don't want to do anything in the direction of being more manly but I honestly don't have the courage.

[spacial]

@spacial: but do you also live fully as your bio sex or did you change your whole appearance except for the bottom surgery? Because I'm planning to keep my whole female look (including long hair etc.) and so people will perceive me as a woman. You might think it's my problem then, if I don't want to do anything in the direction of being more manly but I honestly don't have the courage.

I haven't changed my appearance. I wish I could, but pressures of the society I live in and my lack of confidence make that difficult.

I made an unsuccessful attempt to change in my teens. Since then it's been on hold, more or less. For example, I am as careful with my face as I can be. I never shave it, rather keeping the hair as short as possible. That way, I'm hoping my skin doesn't turn to leather. (Nice on guys though  ).

My attitude is based upon self preception as a rather masculine looking woman. I see that as a compromise or it may be a cop-out. In any case, that's how I've survived.

But I'll be quite honest with you. In the time I've been in Susans' I've reevalulated almost everything. Most of what I thought before was how I'd worked things out in my own mind. Now I'm sharing and reading other people. I know so much more.

Most of it is mental attitude though. I don't look back or form regrets. In male company I need to be ready to deal with make banter. The boundries with females need to be respected to avoid misunderstandings. One of my wife's friends thought I was coming onto her once. It cause her enormous anxiety and I felt like crap when I realised.

A year ago I would have said I live, as much as possible as a female, but appear male. But as I've said, now I'm not so sure.

[Breastquest]

I entertain the sanity question quite a bit. Being a male that simply wants female breasts sets me apart from most of the crowd that I run with. The industry that I'm in is mostly testosterone driven and there would be no way to connect to anyone around me about how I feel or want I want. So, I present male all the time, my wife is the only one that knows and that's the way I plan to keep it. I get the occasional look now and then if my boobs are showing through my shirt sometimes, but I just look'em in the eye with that "what are you looking at" attitude and nothing is ever said. I love to keep'em guessing.
It's my life and my body and I just don't care much what others think. I don't share my bed with them and they aren't around all the times that my breasts give me pleasure. Whether I'm in line at the grocery or when I'm in a fishing boat doing 50mph in the cool wind.
Of course I enjoy some of the other things that come with it. My waist line is moving up and my skin is getting really soft and my ass is getting a little rounder lol.
I say do what makes YOU happy, let others worry about sanity. One of my favorite sayings is "By whose definition of sanity do we use to determine our own".

[niamh]

Hi Darner. The thing is that people have to find the time they feel ready to transition. There is no point in rushing in to it. Take your time. If you feel like it is not today that is okay but there is no reason to say you will never transition. If you really want it then I think you should find a way, but at a pace and time that suits you.

[Darner]

Thanks for the input! This forum is also very useful, reading around cleared a few things for me. That's the biggest problem with non-op trangenders, nobody knows about our existance, including ourselves, luckily internet brings us to life!

I say do what makes YOU happy, let others worry about sanity. One of my favorite sayings is "By whose definition of sanity do we use to determine our own".

Hehe, that is true but I'm worried about my personal definition of sanity I'm afraid I might go crazy in this body when I'll finish university, get a job and all the people around me will expect me to "finally" get "normal". Which actually proves your point ... hm! Good one!

[Adabelle]

I'll second the thanks to kyril for the informative response. I'm a newcomer and have been lurking for a while but I've found kyril's posts (among others too)  to be really helpful a number of times while I've been reading. Thank you.

It's really helpful for me to realize that people respond differently to the treatment, I struggle with fears of transition and sometimes I think in my internal dialog I think things that aren't necessarily true. Thanks for this thread and the comments.

[spacial]

Thanks for the input! This forum is also very useful, reading around cleared a few things for me. That's the biggest problem with non-op trangenders, nobody knows about our existance, including ourselves, luckily internet brings us to life!

Agreed. So many of us spend our lives, living with our secret problem, scared stiff to do much about it. Information is sparce, mostly inappropriate and inaccurate and tends to be written by people with an agenda. Ask anyone and you risk being labled a homo or worse.

As with any problem, there is absolutely no subsititute for discussion with others in a similar situation. Though if your experience here is anything like mine, be prepared to re-write every notion and idea you ever had. 

[Darner]

Yeah, it crossed my mind before joining ... that there is a danger of getting some pretty serious revelations. I'm not in the mood of having new identity crises, I think I'm prepared for them. So hit me with that truth!

[Nero]

The truth is most of what you hear about testosterone is stereotype. I got calmer and less aggressive, and less horny. If your brain is male, testosterone improves your well being. Estrogen actually made me angrier and more explosive.

Like Kyril said, only you know if transition is right for you, but don't base your decision on a fear of T. You really can't go by anybody else's effects of T, as it affects people differently. Some guys may feel more aggressive, some may not. Some get hornier, some don't.

Some guys also choose to be no-ho and/or non-op. T and surgery don't have to be part of the equation. It's really more about what will enable you to feel at home in your own body and expression.
The way you feel about certain things may change as you get further into transition. I was really ambivalent about T and was just sure I wanted top surgery. Now I can't imagine life without it.
You don't have to decide anything right now. If you can find a way to be comfortable with your body and gender without transition, all the better.