Coming out late in life to my parents ????

[erocse]

Coming out to my parents. I somehow thought I would never have to do it. I have read so many posts about coming out, some encouraging , some discouraging. Most times the one coming out is quite surprised with how well the person(s) has taken the news. I , on the other hand will not be surprised.  I know exactly how they will take it.

   

[Janet_Girl]

If they truly love you more than their cultist beliefs then you should be accepted.

But many times the belief system that is in place takes over where common sense should be.  But you at least have your immediate  family and your on-line family.

Hugs my dear Sister.

[Melody Maia]

That is a tough one Erocse, but I think you know you have to do it. The cost may indeed be high, but you must be true to yourself.

I think my Father's deep religious beliefs are in part responsible for my reluctance to tell my parents when I was young. I really wish I had done it then as I would have spared many people a lot of pain.   

[Colleen Ireland]

My problem is this, I have always been very close to my family and have been dependent on them for allot of my self esteem. I don't know at my age what it would be like (emotionally) not to have their love and companionship. I also don't know if I can keep who I am from them any longer.

Erocse...  from where I sit, the one thing you MUST do (before you come out to them) is get counseling.  I mean this truly and sincerely.  The thing you must insist on from you counselor is to help you develop your OWN sense of personhood, separate from your parents.  You need your OWN self-esteem.  It can't come from them.  Because frankly, I think you know what will happen.  I face a very similar situation with my parents - they are in their late 70's, and like Melody (and you, I'm sure, and many others) I could NOT talk with them about this when I was young.  They would have had me committed.  They are not Mormons or JW's, but they ARE Republicans, Roman Catholics, and deeply religious (and they live in NC).  And I'm pretty sure I will not be welcome to them as Colleen.  But I know that sooner or later I will have to tell them.  I'm planning to wait until **just** before I go full-time.  That way, they will see right away there's no point in arguing - if they want to disown me, they will, but at least I won't have to listen to them trying to convince me not to do it, it'll already be mostly done.

Anyway, I really, really feel for you.  Lots of us have similar situations, but of course every case is different.  Please keep us posted - we do care about you.

[lilacwoman]

As Jehovah's Witnesses seem to be the only group of people with a true and honest view of where we come from and where we the human race is going it is understandable that some of them will be unaccepting but on the other hand you have to be honest to yourself while you're alive so if they are totally and justifiably upset at your transition you may find you have to marginalise them to save yourself and family from guilt trips and grief.

[cynthialee]

I was raised as JW. I was on the fast track to be an elder.
My cousin Renny is an elder and I asked him how I would be treated and accepted. He said I would be ministered to no diferant than anyone else. That being trans would not get me banned from attending servises.

I have noticed over the years that JW congregations vary vastly from town to town on level of conservatism.

My mother ussed to be JW and when I came out to her she was sad for me and wanted to know why I didnt come to her with this issue when I was a child.
So ya never know until ya know, if ya know what I mean.

[Debra]

However it goes down, I hope it goes well, girl!

BTW You are completely gorgeous! Love the avatar!

[erocse]

 Thanks everyone for the support. It means allot to me and helps with the thought process.

Cynthialee, I was wondering if there were any former JWs here. I am glad to see you have come out of it so well adjusted. My brother is an elder an my dad was a ministerial servant  until he got to old for the job. Your cousin is right , You would not be banned of attending their services. It is open to the public and can be attended by any who choose to. I would also be able to attend. The difference would be no one would be "allowed" to talk to me, even people I may be related to. They have certain laws that govern how they are supposed to treat people who were once Baptized ministers. It's all kinda crazy, I know. But they latch on to a tiny little scripture regarding "those that once had the truth" but I am not going to quote scriptures here.

   I am not going to let the religious aspect of this issue suck me in an make me feel bad. I feel I am far removed from religion now. I feel pity for those that are still in such a confining and depressing organization.

   Colleen, You have made me think a bit, about myself. After having posted this and then reading your response. I do realize I can't rely on others to give me the self esteem that I need.  That is going to be difficult I have relied on family too much and for too long. I can say this however, because of the support from my wife, my daughter and my new friends here on Susan's. My self esteem issue gotten allot better. Every day that passes I feel much more confident and independent .

   Melody, yes you are right, "I have to do it".

   Janet , thanks , an "on-line family" is something I never had. It makes me feel nice to know that I do.

   Lilacwoman, I do have a different opinion but I will not debate it here. But thanks.

     Jerica, Thinking about stressful things make me so uptight and here you come and brighten my day with just a few words.   Thanks !!!

   Love and Hugs, Erocse

[spacial]

Erocse.

I'm going to be a bit different from other here.

If your parents don't need to know then don't tell them.

It will cause some problems when you visit, but I suggest that, apart from dressing, everything else you just ignore.

I won't comment on the Jehovah's Witnesses or any other religious group. But you know what will happen if you do com out to them . You know the effect it will have upon you and them. They aren't going to change their beliefs.

Unless they are with you frequently or likely to walk in on on you in full femme, then there really doesn't seem to be anything to gain.

[Adabelle]

Thanks for this post Erocse. I was brought up in a different but similar conservative Christian church and I too have a pretty strong fear of what the repercussions will be for me when/if I come out. Like JW (and other religious denominations) it's a close-nit community where everyone knows everyone (even when you're in other towns it's like people know everyone from your denomination).

Anyway, I am fortunate that so far my parents and siblings have been accepting of me coming out to them as 'transgender', and I told them I didn't know if I would transition;  that it was a possibility. So they know that it might come up at some point and they still seem to respect me. But there are many people I think in the wider circle that my parents run in that might have a real problem with it. I'm afraid of how it might impact my family - I don't want anyone to have to lose friends or relationships over me.

I really appreciate your posts Erocse. I am really encouraged by them, and I find you to be a really friendly person - and a good source of strength knowing that there are people like you out there that are dealing with similar fears as I am.