I'll give an update.
I'm doing really well! I originally started this thread (using a different name at that time) feeling very afraid about transition, but knowing that I was also feeling very depressed at the idea of continuing to live out my life in the wrong body. I was horrified at the idea of growing old in a male body when that didn't feel right for me. A lot has changed since then. My marriage did end, but after a difficult period of a year or so a new friendship with my ex wife began to take shape and now we love each other dearly as sisters. She has a boyfriend and it's amazing to see her happy. I myself have started dating and have gone out with about 9 girls over the last 6 months or so. I've come out to each of them and none have rejected me for being trans thankfully. They have all said it wasn't a problem for them. I've stayed friends with some of the girls I've dated, but I haven't had strong romantic feelings for any of the girls yet so nothing has really gotten too serious. Oh except for one girl, but she didn't have romantic feelings for me.. Alas, dating is hard, and I'm picky on top of that.
In the 10 years since I started to work through my gender issues with a therapist until now I've lost 50 pounds, changed my name, gender etc, and this last year also had SRS. In 2014 I'll likely get a BA because things aren't quite as full as I'd prefer.
But I'm overall quite happy. Electrolysis is nearly finished (many many hours) and to be honest I mainly just find myself content and feeling quite 'normal'. I don't have dysphoria anymore about gender. Well, sometimes I try and remember what it was like to be a guy but it's kinda hard to remember honestly because it just feels like I've always been this way.
Looking back at my earlier posts, and looking back at earlier pictures is a really amazing experience. I have great compassion for myself and what I went through to get here (and great compassion for all who are born this way). And I'm so grateful that I took my time and moved with intention through transition (slow isn't good for everyone, but it was for me). Part of me does wish I had done it sooner though just to save myself years of anguish.
I now work a stable full time job at a large company, and I'm fortunate that I don't have to be out at work. None of my coworkers seem to know, or if they do they are indifferent about my status. I've been at my company for two years. I have great optimism about my future after going through some pretty difficult times. Even this last year has been difficult with recovery (surgery isn't a small thing), but I still feel content that I'll find romantic love again.
My transition video (linked below in my signature) shows pictures of my early transition. The final picture is two years ago already!
Transition is definitely a hard journey, but it's beautiful in some ways too. It's messy. But in the end, I found that because in transitioning I was being true to myself, the result has been very positive for me despite the hardship that it took to get here. And there's much more ahead I'm sure.
<3 to all my sisters transitioning in their 30's! Courage to you!
