A very important blog EVERYONE must read

[Bluetraveler]

Most of the people who regularly post here know I'm not transsexual, though I believed to be so and at one point had all the body symptoms (for more details about that, check out one of my first posts). Recently a thread has been made, "how do you know other girls don't feel the same?" and the general consensus, from what I was able to gather, was that if you had female body dysphoria, you had to be trans. As I know on my own skin this is not true, I'll try to post other girls' (and possibly boys') accounts and blog, people who once suffered from gender dysphoria for various reasons, not necessarily for the "wrong inner body map" motive. As transitioning is a very drastic step, one that costs in physical, mental and monetary terms, I feel necessary to let people know all the alternative reasons they might feel dysphoric for.
This blog is centered mainly on those young girls(?) who like yaoi to the point of self-identification with male characters, but it encompasses much more: it's basically a tomboy's point of view and why she might feel the need to transition. I know there are some anime/j-rock/yaoi fans in this forum and this is especially addressed to them.
So without further ado, here's the site: http://tomboyrevolution.blogspot.com/ . Good reading and good day

[niamh]

Thanks for the link BT. It's funny for me to read things like don't transition if you are a tomboy (and yes I know that that site is aimed at female-bodied individuals) because for me, I feel like a tomboy, I was just born a boy.

[Bluetraveler]

Well, if you are a male tomboy (yes, I think being a tomboy can be "done" by a male), that doesn't really change things I think

[niamh]

Well, if you are a male tomboy (yes, I think being a tomboy can be "done" by a male), that doesn't really change things I think

But isn't a tomboy still self-identified as a female? In that case the whole concept of a 'male' tomboy would be an oxymoron. (Mind you I am not arguing with you, just putting in my '2 cent')

[Sarah Louise]

Transition certainly isn't right for everyone.  That's why you take your time and think it though, see a therapist, etc.

[Farm Boy]

I guess this doesn't apply to me, since I read the whole thing in a state of confusion.  I don't know what yaoi is though, so that probably had something to do with it...  I know that everyone can hate their bodies, but my understanding was that women wished that their bodies were different versions of female, not that their female parts would disappear and be replaced by male ones.  At least that's what my female friends have told me.

[Jeatyn]

I have met a couple of people who come across as the type of people this blog is talking about. The term "girl->-bleeped-<-s" is being used lately. I worry I come across like this sometimes because I'm a bit of a weaboo and admire androgyny

[Devyn]

Most of the people who regularly post here know I'm not transsexual, though I believed to be so and at one point had all the body symptoms (for more details about that, check out one of my first posts). Recently a thread has been made, "how do you know other girls don't feel the same?" and the general consensus, from what I was able to gather, was that if you had female body dysphoria, you had to be trans. As I know on my own skin this is not true, I'll try to post other girls' (and possibly boys') accounts and blog, people who once suffered from gender dysphoria for various reasons, not necessarily for the "wrong inner body map" motive. As transitioning is a very drastic step, one that costs in physical, mental and monetary terms, I feel necessary to let people know all the alternative reasons they might feel dysphoric for.
This blog is centered mainly on those young girls(?) who like yaoi to the point of self-identification with male characters, but it encompasses much more: it's basically a tomboy's point of view and why she might feel the need to transition. I know there are some anime/j-rock/yaoi fans in this forum and this is especially addressed to them.
So without further ado, here's the site: http://tomboyrevolution.blogspot.com/ . Good reading and good day

Since I suppose it was my topic that inspired this post, I feel I should comment.

Sure, there are some - possibly many - yaoi/jrock/anime fans that probably have wanted to be a guy at some point because they thought it to be glamorous, and some could have had gender dysphoria. However, you also must think: there are male fans of those things too.

I like anime, I've liked it since I was ten. I absolutely love jrock, and yaoi isn't so bad, but I'm a mostly straight man.  So the theory that they put, of wanting to be a gay guy because it's glamorous or whatever, doesn't make much sense in my opinion.

To be honest, I'd rather be an ugly guy than a pretty girl (yeah, that probably sounds stuck up; I know I make a pretty girl, but I'm not a girl, you know?)

Edit:// There was also something else I was going to add, but I can't remember. I'll come back and edit if I remember.

[Bluetraveler]

But isn't a tomboy still self-identified as a female? In that case the whole concept of a 'male' tomboy would be an oxymoron. (Mind you I am not arguing with you, just putting in my '2 cent')

I think being a tomboy is different than being "maleish". It's its own style.

And Devyn, I think her theory makes sense if put in the appropriate context. It may not apply to you, but it does to someone else.
And another thing, that blog doesn't solely focus on yaoi, but goes on a bit why a girl might feel the need to be a guy in a society like ours.
It's a bit long but I suggest reading all the sections, they are good.

[Izumi]

Well, people transition for different reasons, obviously the most common one is being TS, but i have known people to transition for money or status, or some fetish.. however they typically dont find it to their liking later.  Heh, my therapist said, "well, if you transition and you really aren't TS, you will be when your done."

[Bluetraveler]

Well, people transition for different reasons, obviously the most common one is being TS, but i have known people to transition for money or status, or some fetish.. however they typically dont find it to their liking later.  Heh, my therapist said, "well, if you transition and you really aren't TS, you will be when your done."

Exactly

[Alexmakenoise]

And another thing, that blog doesn't solely focus on yaoi, but goes on a bit why a girl might feel the need to be a guy in a society like ours.

I used to partially blame my dysphoria on the society we live in.  It just seemed like a reasonable explanation.  Then I traveled enough to realize that I felt male, not female, in every society I experienced, no matter what the gender roles were there.  The more I traveled, the clearer this became.

[insideontheoutside]

I've known a few tomboys over the years and it just wasn't the same. It seemed to me that tomboys were more of the "just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't do anything a boy can do" variety. Which I'm all for, but I'm not a tomboy.

I'm sure it can get cloudy for people for a variety of reasons and in general the teenage years are often spent in confusion also for many reasons. When puberty hits it's awkward and weird and can certainly cause dysphoric symptoms. But there are those of us who, from the earliest memories were not female at all - yet physically have female bits. For us, the confusion was never "WHO I am" (male or female? ...  because it was always male) but rather "WHY I am" (why do I have this body and not the one that matches my brain?) The only time I've ever questioned my brain is when I was a teenager and I listened to some ->-bleeped-<- therapist try to tell me I had a disorder. That messed me up considerably and my teenage years were spent is a massive depression where I hated myself and my body even more because someone had drilled it into my head that there was something radically wrong with me. Therapy doesn't always work - sometimes it makes things worse.

People like me don't have a problem. We're a natural occurrence on the scale of human birth variation. Yet we've had to endure shame, depression, confusion, people telling us we're sick or we have a disorder or a disease. And why? Simply because the brain doesn't fully match the body. Everyone has some explanation for us as to why. What should happen is just accepting the fact that is DOES happen - and it's NORMAL. I guess we're a long way off from that though so we all just find our own ways to deal.

Yes, transitioning your body to match your mind is a big step - it causes changes that are not exactly reversible, etc. etc. etc. Some people, like yourself, need to start down that road to even realize it's not for them. Some people, like me, have decided that they don't need to transition to be who they really are (although I'm a bit of an odd exception considering all my bits don't exactly conform to "female" and neither does my hormone profile). I know what I'm not though - female. I'm not "butch" ... I'm not a "tomboy" ... I'm not a lesbian ... I'm not a fakeboi ... I'm not any other label that is slapped on females that happen to be/act/feel more "male" but don't necessarily want a dick. I already have dick and I always have and it took me a long damn time to realize that people trying to push me in the wrong box was what was causing 99% of my problems.

/rant over.

The gist of it is that everyone that questions their own personal gender, their body or their mind in regards to gender is on their own journey. They have to find what personally works for them to make them feel their best and interface with society. Maybe it's a label that makes someone feel great. Maybe it's knowing that others are feeling just like you. Maybe therapy does work for some. Maybe it's transitioning. Whatever it is, it's a personal expedition to find it. You found yours obviously, and there's a lot of people still working through it. But I get the hunch that you're more on the side that transsexuals don't really exist and that they just need to get cozy with their "femaleness". Obviously there's a broad spectrum out there of how people identify themselves but I honestly don't think a lot of the "types" mentioned on that blog are the types who want to cut their tits off and get a dick permanently either.

[Alessandro]

I think the blog is actually very good and very fair.  I used to like yaoi when I was younger, then I quickly got fed up with the romanticism of it and how the characters are almost always very feminine, one especially so.  Now I can't take the genre seriously at all, because it is just so painfully obviously aimed at women rather than men. 

I don't know if there are any people on here that the blog does ring true for.  I expect that most of the yaoi fans who briefly flirt with transition won't make it as far as this site, or as far as their GP.  It just doesn't seem likely to me. 

[meh]

I dig yaoi. Sure you have to sift through some garbage, but there are some good ones out there. I prefer shonen ai more though, they tend to have better stories.

But anyway, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm tired of talking about how if one likes yaoi or anime or jrock, that we're just "fangirls" and not trans. I am part Japanese so I'm into the Japanese culture quite a bit and am tired of defending it.

I seriously have had enough of the whole "if you like yaoi then you're not trans, you're doing it as a fantasy" topic. I'm also seriously over the whole "the fan girls just want to look like a bishie" line too. Sorry, but I just got done reading dirt's blog and comments, someone linked because they used their picture, about how yaoi is turning girls into ftms and I'm still fuming over it. I've never met anyone nor saw any case of young girls actually transitioning because they like yaoi. Some obsessed fans/crossplayers may question their gender identity, but seriously when it comes down to hormones and surgery? I don't see it happening.

"I expect that most of the yaoi fans who briefly flirt with transition won't make it as far as this site, or as far as their GP.  It just doesn't seem likely to me. " I agree.

[Tad]

interesting blog.. just read through it.

I never understood the attraction to yaoi. One of my guy friends watchs it.. and I was disturbed by it and had to turn it off within a few minutes. How people can find that kind of lifestyle attractive...? I donno.

I found it interesting that you addressed the issues around being contrained by gender and how liberating that feeling can make you feel more comfortable in who you are and lessen the need to transition. I think that can hold true for many people.. but for some it's obviously not true. I never conformed to my gender boundaries.. I was the girl who was breaking the track and field records back in junior high, winning lots of sporting awards, competing at the pro level nationally for a certain individual sport. I go to the gym and lift more weight then many of the guys, I've taken courses from the DND on Aircraft mainetnce, I work on a farm and can handle the toughest jobs. There is nothing about me that doesn't break that gender barrier.. and I'm comfortable in that. I don't even pass for female when I'm trying sometimes. My goal to transition isn't to break those gender barriers.. because I broke them long ago.. often true transition is about other innate needs. Ones that cant be silenced by being comfortable in breaking the gender barriers, etc. Ones that will take you through hell until they are confronted. The inner demons. I donno where I was going with... just trying to point a logical arguement against the... transitioning people aren't comfortable in asserting themselves as who they feel they should be or something that I got from your blog. I think it's true in many cases... the tomboy is a rather common individual that might flirt with the idea of transition.. but I think there are other reasons that some individuals see the need to transition.

[insideontheoutside]

But anyway, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm tired of talking about how if one likes yaoi or anime or jrock, that we're just "fangirls" and not trans. I am part Japanese so I'm into the Japanese culture quite a bit and am tired of defending it.

I seriously have had enough of the whole "if you like yaoi then you're not trans, you're doing it as a fantasy" ...

...dirt's blog and comments, someone linked because they used their picture, about how yaoi is turning girls into ftms and I'm still fuming over it.

This too ^^ . It's mass generalizations like that everyone who likes those things are just "fangirls" or whatever, that are a problem. And like Shay pointed out, it comes from within the fan community itself as well. And there's a Dirt blog about yaoi turning girls into FTMs?! Jeez. All I see is a lot of assumptions and misinformation with trying to correlate the two. There are trans individuals who like lots of things - because trans people are just people like everyone else. But what I find the most problematic is being told "oh you're not really trans" as well.

[Fencesitter]

Hi Bluetraveler,

Sorry for another long posting again. I just couldn't help myself again  .

I think you make very important contributions to this forum as a woman who has found out she's not trans, though of course your view is as subjective as anybody's else. Not you saying to other people they're not trans, just "be careful if...", it's great to have such a voice here. Thank you very much for it, and go on posting, there's always so much encouragement in these forums and not enough critical voices, as people tend to think others are like them. So your presence helps a lot against this unhealthy dynamic. A useful balance.

I think it's important that the yaoi/trans*/girl->-bleeped-<-(?) blog you present exists, but I cannot write anything sensible about it as I have no clue about yaoi and girl->-bleeped-<- is just a very exotic but interesting phenomenon for me which I don't truly understand or can relate to well. Also, there's not much on the blog you linked to yet, and it's for a very specific clientele, plus for a very specific phase of their life so I don't know if this blog will keep on living for long. However, I may imagine a few yaoi aficionados or girl->-bleeped-<-s might get confused about their gender identity at least for a while. And if other things add to it, it may cause a disaster at worst. As Izumi said when quoting her therapist, transitioning if you're not transsexual causes you to become transsexual, which I wouldn't even want my worst enemies to happen to them.

Anyway, it would be a great idea to collect reports from detransitioners and from people who found out they're not trans on a website. So that people could read that stuff and think thoroughly whether that may apply to them or not. But that would be a blog with a much more general topic than the blog you've linked to. I really missed this kind of source before I went on T, I searched like crazy but did not find much. If your therapist is the one who may write you a letter for hormones or surgery or might deny you the letters in case you're deemed not suitable, and you want these letters, you cannot discuss all your doubts with them sincerely as you don't want to jeopardize the letters. It's an unhealthy dynamic, so information for self-diagnosis may be good here, at least better than nothing. Just to fill out a little bit the hole which therapy was originally supposed to fill out well according to the Standards of Care, but which it often fails to do due to this pressure.

About female body images - well what I know is that most women think they are ugly as hell. It's so horrible, this effect of society's pressure. There are so many utterly beautiful women ashamed of their bodies, it's really very sad. Plus, the value of a woman in our societies is still strongly linked to how she looks (and to her youth). And I know quite a lot of women whose bodies I don't find physically attractive, but who have a formidable aura which blows your mind away and makes you feel speechless like a schoolboy who has just fallen in love. And make your mind go crazy and give you... well... lots of 18+ inspiration. Works better for me than boring, dull people deemed beautiful by society's standards. Maybe that's just me, but I'm sure lots of other people tick like me as well here.

Body dysphoria - a close friend of mine developed it. She has had to take long-term medications, which have made her fat for the last 10 years. Since then, the has been hating her body, though she looks great in both thin and thick mode, and she has a great aura as well, a great personality, plus a very beautiful face and gorgeous, very long hair. Well, at least, she can kind of understand that her FTM partner has trouble with his body up to a certain degree, by thinking about her own body and how it changed into something she
a) doesn't like because her personal taste says it's not beautiful,
b) doesn't like because society says it's not beautiful,
c) is not how she sees herself in her mind and always surprises her when she looks in the mirror,
d) clashes with her inner body map as she still tends to get caught in table corners etc. as she tends to forget she needs more space between the table corner and her body than she used to need,
e) society reminds her of new body quite often, in the way people behave towards her, sometimes bluntly with teenagers yelling nasty stuff at her cause she's thick, sometimes just in a very subtle way, sometimes in-between. Her role in society has clearly changed due to other people's perception.

In other words, she's not transsexual, but "trans-thin". Body dysphoria has so much in common with transsexuality that I could imagine it can get confused in some cases, especially if other things add up to it. Even for a very long time, until SRS is over.

[Alessandro]

Sorry, but I just got done reading dirt's blog and comments, someone linked because they used their picture, about how yaoi is turning girls into ftms and I'm still fuming over it.

After reading this I just checked and found she has used one of my pictures too.  I'm really shocked.  So I've taken all my pictures off the internet.  Never heard or read the like of it before. 

[Sharky]

So reading/watching gay anime porn makes straight tomboy girls think they are trans