A friend's pre-transition suicidal depression

[Aegir]

A pre-everything (I've been encouraging her to save a transition fund and buy herself something feminine every once and a while to feel better) friend of mine who has dysphoria far, far worse than I've ever had keeps getting suicidally depressed and I have a lot of trouble helping her back out. I told her to come out to her mom since she can't pay for therapy herself and her mom might help if she can be made to understand, but she's terrified her mom will disown her because she's a Jehovah's witness. I called her best friend (who I've discovered she's also out to) to ask for help  because it felt like everything I said backfired; but I don't think he's helping, he doesn't even understand enough that he should stop calling her a "he" and was in a really pissy mood and if I never talk to him again I'm not surprised. I finally told her she had to get help before this killed her and that seems to have turned it around for now. She thinks she has a problem with manic/depressive mood swings but can't afford therapy. I can't really take this and am very overwhelmed but I feel like I'm the only person in her life who can be there for her and I don't want her to die just because people won't understand that treating her like a man hurts her.

I guess I just wanted to talk about it because I am overwhelmed and needed to get it off my chest.  So the topic- anyone dealt with this in themselves/ a friend before?

[Colleen Ireland]

I had rampant suicidal thoughts/fantasies from the time I was about in 10th grade until I'd been married at least 6 years, and actually attempted suicide when I'd been married about 2 years, so I can identify.  Not sure what you can do to help, though, that you haven't done already.  She desperately needs counseling, and she's the only one who can request it, unfortunately.  Maybe if you could convince her to present herself at the nearest mental hospital, she could get herself admitted, and then maybe she could get treated.  Dunno.  When I was in that position, I had nobody to talk to, so she's already luckier than I was.  I just ultimately put myself in denial, toughed it out, made the best of it.  30-odd years later, here I am.  I do NOT recommend that course of action.  I do hope she gets some help...

[Hermione01]

I agree with Colleen, your friend needs to see a counselor or admit herself to hospital because she is suicidal.
You are a good friend Aegir and have done more than many people would in this situation.
She needs to feel an inner strength to carry on regardless of what others think of her.
She is lucky to have you but please do not feel responsible for her actions.

At the end of the day, she has to seek professional help herself.
Unless she has told you when, where and how she will harm herself, in that case, you can ring emergency to have her taken to hospital.

*Hugs for you.*

[28BROOK]

Aegir

I worked in an office investigating security clearance breaches in the military during the Vietnam war and learned most people who attempt their first suicide do so thinking they will be rescued by someone at the last moment.  Subsequently the second time is far more dangerous than the first attempt as persons seem to use a more drastic measure the second time, i.e. cutting their wrists then attempting hanging the second.  Generally these people are crying for attention.  She needs to go to a hospital and sign herself in for care - you can offer to escort her but she has to do the rest herself.  As to her mother helping I would doubt it.  Jehovah Witnesses frown on using most medical treatments that I have observed.

Brook

[Lacey Lynne]

I agree with Colleen, your friend needs to see a counselor or admit herself to hospital because she is suicidal.
You are a good friend Aegir and have done more than many people would in this situation.
She needs to feel an inner strength to carry on regardless of what others think of her.
She is lucky to have you but please do not feel responsible for her actions.

At the end of the day, she has to seek professional help herself.
Unless she has told you when, where and how she will harm herself, in that case, you can ring emergency to have her taken to hospital.

*Hugs for you.*

Yes, totally agree.  Great comment, Hermione.  Get your friend to the hospital. 

@ ColleenIreland:

Ditto that, girl.  You are much more brave than I am.  I was always too chicken-->-bleeped-<- to actually attempt suicide but wrestled with the thought for decades.  Even now, transitioning and all, I still wrestle with the idea.  All this ... just to end up old, homeless and bereft.  Could happen.  Hope not though.  Will try to proceed in faith that it'll all be for the better. 

[Aegir]

Thanks to the four of you for the advice. I'm not sure how I can get her to consider going to the hospital; but if this happens again I'll drag her if I have to.

[Colleen Ireland]

Ditto that, girl.  You are much more brave than I am.  I was always too chicken-->-bleeped-<- to actually attempt suicide but wrestled with the thought for decades.  Even now, transitioning and all, I still wrestle with the idea.  All this ... just to end up old, homeless and bereft.  Could happen.  Hope not though.  Will try to proceed in faith that it'll all be for the better.

@Lacey:  Aw, girl, that was NOT a brave thing I did - that was a very cowardly act.  I couldn't face myself, I couldn't face my life, I couldn't face losing my wife, messing up HER life, yadda yadda.  I was a coward - not strong at all.  I came to realize afterward just how terrible that would be for everyone left behind, my wife included, and I love her way too much to do that to her.  But I still suffered those tendencies for years afterward.  Finally made myself numb, which wasn't a great way to spend the next 30 years anyway.

And... okay, ANYONE could end up old, homeless and bereft.  Anyone.  It even happens to rich and famous people.  But it won't happen to you if you get out there and LIVE.  And that's what it's all about, sister!  Go and google "You'll Never Walk Alone", and listen to the rendition by Jerry Marsden or Elvis.  That's what it's all about...