Dating trans girls vs cis girls.

[Megan.]

It's standard operating procedure. The only way I could out-Devlyn the Devlyn!

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[Devlyn]

I'm in over my head. 

[Megan.]

Aww! Congratulations! You make a cute couple :-)

Hugs

Either cute or downright dangerous! [emoji23]

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[Cassi]

Either cute or downright dangerous! [emoji23]

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I'm thinking the latter

[HappyMoni]

What was  this thread about again?

When I was late for a support group meeting, I needed a seat moved around to sit with the others. This young guy jumped up and got me one. He was so nice. When I heard his story, I realized he was trans in a very difficult personal situation. I found myself quite attracted to him. He was way younger and I am in a relationship myself, but his manner, his niceness was very appealing. Personality is so important.

[Megan.]

What was  this thread about again?

Yes,  my apologies to the OP.

There have only ever been a tiny handful of people I've met in life who I've really not liked,  and conversely, only a tiny number I've been emotionally and therefore sexualy attracted to. X

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[AquaWhatever]

Yes,  my apologies to the OP.

There have only ever been a tiny handful of people I've met in life who I've really not liked,  and conversely, only a tiny number I've been emotionally and therefore sexualy attracted to. X

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Don't worry, the conversation was quiet amusing lol.

[AquaWhatever]

Very interesting topic! I'm interested in this myself.
Never had experience with a trans girl... but I'd assume that two trans people dating must really get what the other one is going through. And yes I do think trans people in general understand both sexes to an extent. Just bcos of all the ->-bleeped-<- we've been through. At least for me I've become very sensitive to injustice and sexism in general. Having felt prejudice, exclusion, social isolation, sexism, pressure to be something you're not, pressure to conform etc. etc. you don't necessarily wanna treat other people like that...! I wouldn't push gender roles on children, I would never think 'girls can't do something' or 'boys can't be like that' etc.

Though really understanding the other sex thoroughly because you were forced to be that - don't think so. I still get guys more than girls in general. Just bcos the society tried to pressure me into being something I'm not doesn't make me understand that any better.

And as for dating... I'm in a beautiful, lifelong relationship with a cis woman. She has always supported me 10000000% and there has never been things between us she wouldn't 'get' bcos I'm trans! She's a person - I'm a person - we are a couple... It doesn't matter if I'm trans! If she were trans too (and had a dick for example) it wouldn't change anything. I don't think trans women are any different to cis counterparts and vice versa. It's all about the people in it.

I'm interested to know what you think trans women can offer you that cis women cannot? Thinking about sex the first thing to come to my mind is that many trans women hate their genitals and don't like having sex before SRS...

Plus generally speaking two trans people in a relationship might be double trouble/dysphoria. Though there are many trans couples. I really don't think it matters if someone is trans or not! It's all about the chemistry.

And as for understanding identity - as a pre-everything (and being like that forever!!!) I can totally say my spouse understands my identity  ! And always has, so...! If she didn't, we wouldn't be a couple. Just saying that cis people can be exactly as accepting/understanding as trans people  . Again - chemistry! And I don't definitely view myself as somehow 'flawed' bcos of being trans! It's not my fault I was born this way - and I don't need to be pitied bcos of it. Or treated any different than any other guy. We are a couple because we love each other and get perfectly along. Gender does not play a part.

She's also completely straight  !!! And still she's with me bcos she just sees me as a guy, so.

Thanks for responding!

I'm not exactly saying cis women can't offer the same as cis women per se,
But I feel trans women in my experience were alot more understanding and the whole trans thing wasn't a issue.

For example me and my trans friends hardly talk trans issues or being trans.
It's kinda something that's there and we don't notice it.
I've met a lot of cis people like that. But I met a lot who let me being trans kinda dictate how they treat me.

So I'll list a few things I've noticed in my short period of dating cis girls and trans girls.
I can't stress this enough I am only going by my experience.

Trans girls I feel really take me seriously in the case of "I DONT WANT TO BE A MAN, I am a man".
Cis girls I feel humor it at times. Or they'll look at it like I just want to be a man.

Cis girls tend to romanticize me and my situation.

However I noticed cis girls were more emotionally engaged in our relationship
and I like that about girls I date. I like emotional, or some people would say sensitive girls
This is because I am pretty chill and I like a balance. I am also the type of person when I love
I LOVE. And I invest in that person. Trans girls were basically me in reverse.
Very layed back, very chill.
It was fine but I like balance. :/

I guess it really depends on the person.
But it made me wonder if dating trans girls were different because they once were socialized male so they kinda understand and vice versa for trans guys.
Pretty much like you said, I understand guys way more. But when girls talk about annoying things guys do, or the frustration of being female I can sympathize to a extent whereas cis guys can only try to understand or comfort.
And I think trans women can do the same with guys.

One of my friends brought this to my attention today when I told them this and their response was as a straight guy, would I want to date someone who thinks like a guy.

They're non binary presenting feminine, and they're under the impression that trans men's and women still behave emotionally like their bio sex.

Makes you wonder.

[Brandon]

Trans women are open to posting their experiences with cis men and trans men as well!


I'm just curious as to what you guys think.

Have you noticed a difference in dating trans women vs cis women?
And if so what's the difference? And vice versa for trans women.

I recently decided I mostly want to date trans girls.
(That doesn't mean I am completely closed off from cis women)

I think I would rather be with someone who understands my identity
And basically the opposite of me almost in terms of our biological parts.

I have never had anything serious with a trans girl.
The ones I do know seem very chill or they're one of the guys.

Do you think because we were all once the other gender we just get it?
Or we understand both sexes to a extent?

What do you guys think?

I haven't personally dated a trans women as I prefer natal born women but in my experience cis women generally take me seriously and treat me as a man which I am very blessed to say considering I only date bisexual women and straight women but as someone else stated I am not sure about 2 trans people dating I feel like it would be to much dyshoria going on, I mean yeah a trans women might understand me but the dyshoria that trans men and women experience is still different and do I believe we get both sexes no, I can tell you now I do not understand women at all but I love them😂

[Dex]

I guess I can't really say from a dating perspective since I've been with the same (cis) woman since before I was out as trans. I have to say that I really think it depends on the person. She may not understand my dysphoria from a first person perspective and she admits that but she has been 100% hands down my number one supporter and I don't know that I could have survived this journey without her. She unequivocally treats me like a man. In fact, I am the one that suffers the "am I a 'real' man yet" insecurities. To her, I just am.

I'm sure a trans woman could offer the same amount of support. So I would echo what other people have said. While I don't have experience dating a trans person, I can say there are cis people out there who will love you and see you as you want to be seen. We have been together 11 years and married for almost 6 and I wouldn't change a thing about her or how she sees/treats me.

[Rengar]

I've only ever dated cis women. My current girlfriend (whom i love very much!!!) has only ever been with cis men. I don't think I'd date a transwoman unfortunately. I'd rather not have to think about me being trans always all the time while my partner is also thinking about being trans. Idk that's just how I feel about it. She doesn't ask me questions and she's not entirely in the know which is fine. I don't think me being trans is really any of her business, it's mine. We're both just people and I might have a few handicaps compared to a cis male but it's really no big deal to either of us. I am what I am and she's 100% over the moon with it.

The sex is great and I don't have a whole lot of bottom dysphoria but I have thought about a full meta but I'm gonna wait a few years and see where science is at. I'm post top surgery so that's not an issue either. I just use the Joystick from Transthetics and it looks/feels like the real thing. I'm pleasured while she is too.

As far as going out and stuff goes, I'm nearly 4 years on testosterone with a pretty full beard and a deep voice so it's not even a question as to whether or not I'm cis.

[Oblivion]

I'm dating a trans guy and personally I believe the relationship is a lot more successful because of the fact we're both trans. We both understand the hardships that we're facing, how to navigate dysphoria and the kind of attention we need. I didn't choose him because he was trans, we actually just started out talking as mates, and I wouldn't be opposed to dating a cis guy at all but I feel immensely more uncomfortable being intimate with a cis guy than I do my current boyfriend. It makes me really damn dysphoric and the few times I've had sex with cis guys they've overstepped boundaries whereas a trans guy understands and is more likely to respect.

[WolfNightV4X1]

I definitely don't get the shared dysphoria thing, to me it helps a lot. I like dating other trans people, guys or gals, because its comforting to be with someone like you, and I typically date people who are like me in personal interests and values and hobbies, I don't mesh very well with people altogether different than me. So I wouldnt mind dating someone, trans or not.

I used to not like women, but that was before I was a guy, if it was actually a lesbian relationship that wouldve given me dysphoria, and that's why I never found them appealing until transition. Gender variant people have always appealed to me as well, so I find masculine girls and feminine males most attractive.
The only hard thing about dating a transgender person is if they are not stealth, they have a long way to go and you have to share that burden with them. To me genitals don't matter, I can top or bottom so a girl with either junk is fine by me, so to me they're  both the same type of girl since no sexual preferences initially exist, their personality is what does it for me.

Transwomen do slightly outweigh though because a lot of them tend to be LGBT friendly and probably bisexual, whereas Im always anxious a cis woman would not have any interest.

[winter8]

Have you noticed a difference in dating trans women vs cis women?

In short, not in any meaningful way.  While women who have a transgender experience are coming from a more complicated background with respect to gender (and the many ways in which it affects your life) than most women, that hasn't been a distinguishing factor in my experience.  The overall culture a person comes from (how they grew up, what their family dynamics were, etc.) has been much more important, and that applies equally, but the manifestations may differ slightly or substantially.  Before I got married, I dated three other women, two who were in the process of transitioning, and one who was cisgender.  In all cases, it was each person's individual background that shaped the dynamics of our relationship. 

My first girlfriend and I were both teenagers, but because I'm more traditional and was more looking for someone to potentially marry later on, while she was a typical teen, it just didn't work.  That said, I never really felt like it mattered to her that I was coming from a transgender experience and she wasn't.   

My second girlfriend was very early-on in her transition, and was both bright and kind-hearted. But she was also in her early twenties when I was in my mid-twenties so, again, there was a sort of mismatch in the goals.  It also turned out that she decided that she really felt more comfortable being with a woman than a man, which couldn't be helped.  Again, I never felt like she misunderstood my identity or didn't value it so, no difference there.  We ended things on friendly terms.

My third girlfriend was mid-transition, and an absolute nightmare.  She had every bad behavior that is allowed to men in our society, and cared nothing about changing them.  She was controlling, domineering, philandering, you name it.  She was also a sex-addict, and, again, because I'm more traditional, I was unwilling to have sex before engagement (minimally) so, she cheated and then lied about it even when I had proof.  It was a nightmare.  And while her previous socialization as a male certainly impacted her behavior, it was ultimately her culture and her own choices, not her gender experience, that were the real problem.  She grew up in a very male-centric environment that did not value people who were different, art, culture, education, anything really besides sports and large-breasted women.  And she refused to improve upon herself.  As a result, she was abusive.  She was also the only person with whom I've been romantically involved who did not respect my identity at all, and who basically thought that people of transgender experience (including herself) were "freaks" and not "real" men or women.

I am now happily married, and while my wife does not have the experience of transitioning, she fully respects and accepts my identity.

In short, it's about the individual. 

I recently decided I mostly want to date trans girls.

My question is 'why?' It is really worth unpacking what expectations you have of any group of people.  I have a friend from college who only dates East Asian women (he's white), but when asked why he has that preference (which he's entitled to), he just denies it.  That makes him come off as a bit fetishy.  Before telling yourself 'I only want to date x-type of person,' really consider why that is, and what about that identity is important to you.  If it's just that you want to be with someone who understands your identity, you may find that with women from many different backgrounds.  If, however, it's important to you to share this aspect of you identity with your partner because it will make you feel better complimented, or if you simply prefer a specific body type, that's completely fair, just be aware of yourself. 

Do you think because we were all once the other gender we just get it?

No, absolutely, unequivocally, no. Every person is different, and each of us has a different relationship with our identity and past.

What do you guys think?

Again, really take stock of your expectations regarding any relationship before pursuing it, regardless of the other person's background.

[Adrian26]

I've dated both a trans and cis women and there hasn't been a desirable difference between the two. Sometimes cis women can be a bit more transphobic compared to trans women, but overall I've found that they're amazing women

[Sephirah]

I've dated both a trans and cis women and there hasn't been a desirable difference between the two. Sometimes cis women can be a bit more transphobic compared to trans women, but overall I've found that they're amazing women