FTM/MTF dating?

[kyril]

Are they attracted to the dick, or the person behind the dick?

Well, just in general those of us who define our sexuality by sex rather than gender...we come for the dick (or pussy, or related features, not all of us are genital-focused) and stay for the person.

[Lee]

I just wanted to put in my two bits on the pansexual issue.  I know that in my opinion, MTF/FTM people don't count as "other."  However, It wouldn't bother me dating someone who doesn't identify as male or female.  This counts as pansexual to me, but I identify myself as bi.  It just gets me fewer funny looks.  I've never met anyone bi who, to my knowledge, doesn't fit this description, but I suppose there might be some who only like men and women.  I don't see why it's a big issue, though.  We all like who we like, and lets let everyone else do the same.   

[cynthialee]

I considered myself bi, then my spouse came out as androgyn and started using T.
Androgynes are not men or women. Bisexual does not fit me anymore. Pansexual is the only obvious choice left. I like the word and what it signifies.

[jamherst]

I'm not sure if I would date an FTM unless they were an image I could look up to. I've always considered a cisgendered male to be more complete in the physical way and would always envy that more. However, in a relationship it's not merely physical. If an ftm had similar gay roots as I and could relate with me, I think I would. Other than that, I prefer bio guys as my current standing/views.

^^; I haven't met a lot of ftms in person and many of them were straight so, it was hard to speak with some.

[A]

Hmm... I think I would, but I'm not sure. Being with someone who reminds you every day of what you've been through because they have been/are going through the same. Once I have completed transition, I expect to live a life as normal as possible, and I don't know if dating another transsexual would bring up too many bad memories...

[Sevan]

*waves* I've already been discussed a few times through out this thread (lol!!!) so I feel odd adding my two cents but here we go anyway. I am currently married to Cyndi and don't see that changing anytime soon. (or...ever...lol) Which is to say...yea! I'd happily date a trans person.
As to the pansexuality debate/discussion. I'm pansexually identified. I feel like...for me it fits because gender/sex really isn't something that attracts me or deters me from a person.
Also I'd like to say...on that point..that while I see trans-men as "men" and trans-women as "women"...their sex may not yet match their gender. To me..I don't see trans people as part of "other" (unless their like myself and identified as such...to some extent) but I think when you've got a body that doesn't line up with your inner self or your desired self...and your looking for someone who will accept you as you are *now* (not necisarrily "chase"...meh.) well...that'd be what I see as pansexual. To some extent anyway. Gosh that was REALLY hard to get out. lol!!! I hope that made sense. Many many layers...and my hand motions don't really translate in this written thread!! lmao!

In unrelated and- I'm not sure if she'll see this- moment...Seven!!! hehehehehe I laughed alot when I read your (of nine). Sevan is going to be my legal name soon (HOOOOORAYYYYY!!!!!!) and I ENDLESSLY get asked if I'm "of nine" hehehehe

[Morgan]

My girlfriend and I started dating before we knew we were trans. Now we're transitioning together Her MTF and me FTM.

[cynthialee]

Waves to Morgan.
  (I like him, he was the first person who I became aware of in a relationship similar to Sevan and mine.)

[Morgan]

Hi Cynthia!

Elaine says hi too.

[Jamison]

I identify as queer, but I don't use the label as many pansexuals (I think?) do. It's more of a political statement to say, "I like who I like, what's it matter to you?" At the end of the day though, I'd probably never date a dude.

With mtfs,  I've never actually dated one, but I have had sex with one. Sex is a big part of my intimate relationships, and I just don't think I'm sexually compatible with pre-op mtfs. I correlate dick with masculinity and that trips up my whole power-ratio I prefer during sex. I see them as women completely, but I don't think I could give them what they need (?) during sex and thus, I probably wouldn't pursue that relationship.

Some of them are damn sexy though, so I'm not saying it's impossible. I know I could never date a non-op mtf though.

As for the double-dysphoria, I don't see it so diff as with cisfemales. I wouldn't want to date a cisgirl who had severe self-conscious issues as I wouldn't want to date an mtf with severe dysphoria. Do I get dysphoric? Of course. But for the most part I'm a pretty confident person, and I know the longer I'm on T, the sexier I get. I need a girl with a personality to match, cis or not.

[Natkat]

I guess you could say I been dating an mtf before. at least we had sex and alittle something-something going on for a short while.

I identify bisexual, and I dont really think twice about it being trans or cis I date. in my head it just women or men with diffrent bodyparts like if your out with people with dark or light skin, fat or skinny people, each got there own charm.

[aleon515]

I am dating an mtf. Funny thing I identified as asexual until I found out I was trans. I am not sure what my sexual orientation is. We met in the support group and it is pretty much my main socializing at this point. So it wasn't hard meeting her. We have had a few dates. I can sense that my dysphoria might be kind of an issue, but we'll see. She is post SRS. But I am pre-everything.

I feel it's a bit strange from the standpoint of me never passing but she often does. So when we are in a restaurant, they'll say "what do you ladies want". Grrr. I am happy for her that she is passing, but mad that I am not. At least it gives me something happier to focus on. I might otherwise make a funny retort like "I don't see no ladies here".  I would say that wiht a cisfriend but not a transwoman.

I am also only 5'1" and she is tall.

There is some fun with the gender binary. For instance who drives? (She does as I have a tiny little Japanese car). Who pays? (mix it up) And so on. I am not too big into the gender binary but I feel myself pulled by it a bit.


Anyway, I feel the challenges might make our relationship stronger. 
So far I am having a pretty good time and am really happy to be dating.

I don't know what my sexual orientation is. I am so used to be asexual, all I'll say is I am not now asexual (I think), though I maybe have switched from non-romantic asexual to romantic asexual. Because I now like cuddling and so forth.

Hey Sevan nice to see you around!! It's been awhile! 


--Jay J

[Brooke777]

The guy I have been dating is an FTM. I don't know why that confuses some people in my life. As far as I am concerned, he is 100% male. He is currently pre op, but plans to have Phalo and his chest done as soon as he can afford it.

[FullThrottleMalehem]

I wouldn't have any problems dating another trans individual, and think it would be nice in some ways to date another FTM since they can relate and understand what I'm going through. Of course this is a moot point since I am in a committed relationship with a cis person that is understanding, so hypothetically speaking

On the pansexual issue. I consider myself pansexual instead of bisexual because I am not attracted to specific genders but people's personalities and compatibility. I have no problem dating people that identify outside of the male and female gender spectrum, and to me bi means attracted to people who are/identify as only male or only female, since bi means two. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone because of my sexuality, and I don't believe any sexuality is better or worse, that would be like saying bisexuality is better than heterosexuality, when in reality neither is better, they are just different. Everyone likes what they like and there should be no problems with that as long as people are respectful of the orientations of others.

[Adrian_Michael]

Jumping in late again.

FtM pansexual person here(*waves*).

My cuz and I just had the following discussion. They claim to be "polysexual" while I am pansexual. To them, they are "poly"sexual because they do not discredit trans people, but are not comfortable with all of the various spectrum.

I am pansexual because gender and genitalia play no consequential factor on my attraction.

Would I date an MtF? In a heartbeat, if our personalities match.

I would also date an FtM, or an andro, or an asexual person, or a butch lesbian, or a femme male,  or a flowery hippie.

Gender expression doesn't play a role in my choice.

Now, if you can't brush your teeth regularly and are stank, yeah, that may take you off the list.

I don't run around with everyone, but I also don't limit my options when the choice is available.

I also rarely, if ever, discriminate based on height. I'm a short dude. It's hard to find ANYONE, regardless of gender or biological background, who isn't taller than me, LOL

[FullThrottleMalehem]

Gender expression doesn't play a role in my choice.

I don't run around with everyone, but I also don't limit my options when the choice is available.

I like how you put this. A common misconception bout pansexuality is that we are attracted to everyone we meet or have a lot of of partners. I know I certainly am not attracted to everyone I see, it's just that what plumbing someone has plays no part in whether or not I would have a romantic relationship with them. There are pansexual people who are poly amorous and I am not bashing that at all, but even then that is not really the same as sleeping with a ton of people, at least I imagine not in a respectful relationship of that style.

[Brooke777]

I like how you put this. A common misconception bout pansexuality is that we are attracted to everyone we meet or have a lot of of partners. I know I certainly am not attracted to everyone I see, it's just that what plumbing someone has plays no part in whether or not I would have a romantic relationship with them. There are pansexual people who are poly amorous and I am not bashing that at all, but even then that is not really the same as sleeping with a ton of people, at least I imagine not in a respectful relationship of that style.

I find that a lot of people think that just because I am pansexual that I just want to have crazy orgies and sleep with everyone. Personally, I am monogamous. I want to be in a relationship with one other person, that's it. As FullThrottleMalehem and Adrian said, I don't care about their genitals. None of that matters to me.

[GentlemanRDP]

Yeah, that bothers me too. (It's also why I'm uncomfortable with people who identify as pansexual. I don't like being "othered.")

This ^ Completely.

That being said, I've never dated another trans person; MtF, FtM, or otherwise.
I definitely wouldn't say that I'm against it, but I won't say that I'm 'Looking' for another transperson.
Whoever I end up with, as long as I genuinely care about them, then whatever they have between their legs doesn't mean a thing.

[Zerro]

I dated one of my best friends(who is MtF) up until recently. Everything was fine until we got to the, ah, sexual part of our relationship. We both suffer from terrible lower dysphoria and could not look beyond how we each had the body the other wanted. So while we could see each other as we were, we were both unhappy being together due to how our dysphoria affected things intimately. We're still friends, but we don't think we can date each other again. It just won't work.

Ultimately, I don't really want to date someone else who happens to be trans. It can be overwhelming, and draining to be with someone who is going through an experience close to your own. I'm not entirely opposed to it, like say I got to know someone and then maybe they shared that they're trans with me and I decide to try and make it work, but the chances are still slim of things turning out okay.

I really just want to be with someone who sees me as a regular dude and not some sort of special snowflake, I guess. I end up ditching people - friends too - if the trans thing comes up. I don't want to talk about it with people, and I don't want others to know about it. I might be able to get over it and date another trans person post lower surgery, but I can't say for sure until I get there.

[AscendantDevon]

My girlfriend and I started dating before we knew we were trans. Now we're transitioning together Her MTF and me FTM.

Woah like, same with me. Also, I dated a transguy in the past. I don't know why, I have always found myself attracted to gender variants. I'm bi/pan/whatever sexual, and for some reason I always find myself more comfortable with other people who are bi/pan, and/or androgynous, etc etc. Maybe because I feel like I have a greater understanding or connection with people who are as fluid as me. I feel like it takes a lot for straight/cis people to really get me.