Encountering other transsexuals.

[pebbles]

Today I went to the supermarket for jargon, unusually in this instance however I encountered another, what I believe to be a trans-woman.

I will be honest They didn't pass and when I saw them I felt sympathy for there situation, They looked alot older than me in there 50's they wore a pink coat with a white hood, female jeans and raised heel shoes casual winter wear they wore earrings and had grown out hairstyle it was unstyled sort of shaggy look the look you have if you grow your hair out for a year, They had slight male pattern baldness thinning around the back slightly. and were decidedly taller and larger than me probably standing 6'3 to my 5'7 despite there impending size they seemed sullen stooped over. There facial hair was decidedly patchy consistent with laser treatments or several hours in the electro chair.

I don't know what it was but part of me wanted to go up and talk to them but it didn't seem appropriate I thought about it but I was aware that roles reversed I might be abit upset and hurt if someone approached me and started talking because they'd read me as trans, Second to that I'd be starting a conversation with a stranger doing there shopping about a personal topic which is about as rude they come...

But on the other hand I was feeling kinda isolated myself and seeing them did remind me of where I was 6 months ago. And I wanted to say supportive things to them to push them on, Especially when I saw them walk upto the female jewelry section but then look around nervously and scamper off, evidently I'd found myself stalking them from afar. After awhile I realized how creepy I was behaving, I just gave up but as I gave up I walked past them I just gave them a friendly smile and a little wave, to which they responded with a head nod to a stranger who seemed unusually friendly.

Who knows if they read me or not, *shrug*
Has anyone else found themselves behaving oddly in the way I did... I dunno what I was doing, I can only guess I was inappropriately projecting my experience onto them, And also just swelled with unasked pity for how tricky there situation must have been in comparison to mine.

On the plus side tho I was having an ugly feeling day and seeing them made me feel abit better in a strange way.

[SnailPace]

I was in a similar situation once.  A transgirl got onto a bus I was on and sat near me, and I just felt this urge to talk to her.  She was really nice though and we had small talk about the weather.

It was weird, at first you think you're trying to talk to them for their sake, but I realized later that it was really for my own sake.  I don't see many trans people around here (or at least people I can read as trans).  I hope I didn't come off as too creepy!

[Aegir]

A trans-woman checked me out at home depot once. I didn't know whether or not it'd be rude to say anything, or whether she was passing to everyone else. I decided to just be extra nice and smile at her. I really hope I didn't freak her out.

[Elijah3291]

there needs to be some sort of trans code, a sign of acnowledgement that you can show to another trans person when you see them which means.. 'hey, I'm trans, I think you are too, rock on!"

ive seen someone i thought was trans as well, they looked male, and looked like they had a binder on, only thing female about them was their name tag and voice (cashier) I wanted to say something, but it seemed rude, if they WERE trans, they would think they didnt pass, and if they werent trans.. they would be offended that they i though tthey were.

thats why we need a signal/gesture.. something slight, you can do it to them and if they dont do it back.. no harm done! lol

[lilacwoman]

We are basically thin on the ground so it's not as if this meeting others is going to be a regular event but on the odd occasion when I have thought another person may have been something trans I will sometimes catch their eye, give a little smile and a Hi just to acknowledge them as an individual among all the other people.
But at the moment I can't remember ever having a conversation with a stranger TS while out shopping or such.

[Rock_chick]

there needs to be some sort of trans code, a sign of acnowledgement that you can show to another trans person when you see them which means.. 'hey, I'm trans, I think you are too, rock on!"

ive seen someone i thought was trans as well, they looked male, and looked like they had a binder on, only thing female about them was their name tag and voice (cashier) I wanted to say something, but it seemed rude, if they WERE trans, they would think they didnt pass, and if they werent trans.. they would be offended that they i though tthey were.

thats why we need a signal/gesture.. something slight, you can do it to them and if they dont do it back.. no harm done! lol

Some kind of funny handshake like the illuminati 

[rejennyrated]

Nah! All you need is Alison's famous tee shirt which listed all her surgeons and stylists on the front:

Tits by Porter
Vag by Dalrymple
Hair By Raoul
Legs By Alison

and on the back it said:

PS I'm TS!

Only trouble is it takes some real courage to wear...

[Rock_chick]

he he.

Trust you two...and knowing the pair of you I bet anyone who saw it would think it was ironic. 

[rejennyrated]

Exactly! Which is in a nutshell what most of the stealth bandits amongst us fail to understand the power of.

If you try to conceal something people often invest huge amounts of effort digging the dirt on you in order to out you. On the other hand if you do something like this those same people often waste no time in rubbishing your claim and trying to prove that you really are just an ordinary girl. 

I jest of course, but applied with a bit more subtlety I have proved on many occasions that it does actually work.

But back on topic as regards mutual recognition I usually do try and talk to such people but I will leave it to them to decide whether to go overt or not.

[Teknoir]

I've only seen about two or three others that I know of, outside of the few meets I have attended.

One was in the workplace. She's well known - she transitioned on the job many years ago. She didn't clock me, and I'm not about to kill my career by outing myself. I had a small moment of concern that one transsexual may have some weird ability to detect another - but that was unfounded. She looked past me the same as she looked past the rest of my cis-male coworkers. Absolutely no hint of recognition, no weird look, no head nod, no double take, nothing.

Remember folks - Just because you clock them, does not mean they automatically clock you!

If you do approach to offer your support, be aware that anything you say may be taken from the context of being said by a cis-person.

The others were in the waiting room of my endo's office - but I don't really think that counts .

[K8]

Exactly! Which is in a nutshell what most of the stealth bandits amongst us fail to understand the power of.

If you try to conceal something people often invest huge amounts of effort digging the dirt on you in order to out you. On the other hand if you do something like this those same people often waste no time in rubbishing your claim and trying to prove that you really are just an ordinary girl. 

Some years ago I saw a woman in Memphis.  She was dressed better than average and was wearing a scarf even though it was hot.  I was very curious to try to figure out if she was trans but tried not to stare.  Still, I'm sure she realized I was more interested in her than in other people.  I'm embarassed to even admit I behaved that way, but it brought home Jenny's point.  If you try to disguise yourself, people will be curious.  If you dress and act like everyone else, comfortable in who you are (or at least pretend you are comfortable), people won't pay much attention.

For a signal of recognition, how about grabbing our crotch, making a snipping motion and then a thumbs up? 

- Kate

[cynthialee]

Pre transition I never noticed the trans folk in society.
Now I notice them like instantly. Sort of 'trandar' I guess.
Every single time I have a deep desire to go talk to them but I do not. I would not like being clocked in public and I can not imagine they would either.

[Aegir]

For a signal of recognition, how about grabbing our crotch, making a snipping motion and then a thumbs up? 

- Kate

Am I a nerd for actually trying that out and deciding it was kinda cool?

[SnailPace]

Am I a nerd for actually trying that out and deciding it was kinda cool?

I kind of envisioned something like this, except a "snip,snip" motion instead of a high five motion:

[marissak]

If someone has read me in public and they want to support me, the best way for them to support me is to treat me as they would any other female and to stand up for me if anyone else treats me bad for being trans.

In other words, if you see me in public and you read me, please do not say hi just because you have read me. 

[Rock_chick]

For a signal of recognition, how about grabbing our crotch, making a snipping motion and then a thumbs up? 

- Kate

I have visions of something along these lines. No crotch grabbing though

[TheAetherealMeadow]

Usually when I see someone who may look like an unpassable trans women I usually assume that she is a masculine cis woman. Given how rare trans people are, I would say more often than not, that is the case.

[Alexmakenoise]

Here in San Francisco, I see gender-variant people all the time.  But with all of the gender spectrum represented, it's impossible to tell who's what just by looking at them.  I don't happen to know anyone who's transsexual and is open about it, but that's probably because I don't hang out in the LGBT scene.   I know people through music, work, my neighborhood, and the local bar.  Really a pretty eclectic group of people.  I know a few of people who might be trans, but I would never say anything about it.  It's none of my business.

If I met someone who I knew was trans, I might talk to them about it, but it would depend on the person and how comfortable I was around them.  I'd almost definitely talk to an FTM, especially a gay FTM, because we'd have that in common, and I've never met an FTM before (well, chances are I have, but I mean someone who I knew to be FTM).  I'm shy around girls, though, so I'd be less likely to talk to an MTF about something so personal.

[Adabelle]

I agree, a sign is a great idea! Thing is, that I think as a trans person we're a little better than the average person at picking out other trans people. When you have spent your whole life obsessing over these characteristics that make you appear the sex you don't feel you are it's a bit easier to notice them on other people too who might have the same struggles as you.

I should also add that my wife and even my sister has now gotten better at spotting trans people since I came out to her less than a year ago, she just pays more attention now. But I'm quite encouraged when we're in the store and my wife interacts with someone who I'm sure is trans and she doesn't notice. It gives me hope.

I totally know this feeling though of seeing someone and wanting to encourage them, it also gives me courage to see them. I've never gone out in girl mode though so I'd just be this kinda femme guy saying hello to them. Awkward, and I don't want them to feel like they don't pass - because a lot of the time they totally do pass. I'm just hypersensitive to it.

Anyway. How about something subtle like just sign-language for the letter "T"? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sign_language_T.svg

If not that then how about this?  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vulcan_salute  (I kid, I kid!)

[cynthialee]

You want a way of identifying yourself?

Someone has this already covered.
This is just one of many diferant artists making similar items.
http://ayor-jewelry.com/proddetail.php?prod=PDP-TG

Wear the trans symbol if you want to be identifyable by others.