Transsexualism:Gender, Sex, Combination?

[Cindy Stephens]

I would love to change genders, but feel no particular need for GRS.  Hormones have shrunk everything downstairs, and increased everything upstairs, so clothes fit much better.  I may even get FFS, adams apple reduction and go full time.  I just have no personnel need for GRS.  Every reason I give myself to do it involves someone else's perception of me, rather than my perception of my own body.  The changes from the hormones are large enough that when I see myself naked in the mirror, I don't think, "who is that guy there?", cause I no longer really look like a guy, or at least one who has gone through puberty.  My wife would be happy either way and it would have absolutely no effect on our love making techniques, well maybe on techniques to satisfy me. I am writing this rant because I try to understand others on this board.  I see some who write dismissively that we are about Gender and not some "sexual fetish freaks."  They then write how a "true" transsexual has to have surgery, which to me would only be necessary to accomplish certain sexual acts.  So if it is, as I believe, some combination of gender and sexuality, then why the constant put-down of cross-dressers or ->-bleeped-<-s?  Aren't they just at a different spot on this continuum?  It reminds me a bit of how Blacks, with the massive change in acceptance that has occurred in my lifetime, seem most hateful of homosexuals.  It is as if being "normal" is no fun unless you can knock someone down and make them inferior to you.  We are transsexuals, with a higher purpose, you are a transsvestite, crossdresser, ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<-, you are scum.  Sorry, it is like that uncomfortable build up of gas in your lower bowel at church, you just have to get it out.  You feel better, but everyone looks at you a little funny. This wasn't aimed at anyone, but I feel better.

[marissak]

I would love to change genders, but feel no particular need for GRS. 

Just want to let you know that you are not alone with all the feelings you have described.

About not fitting in with the claims about the necessity of GRS for the "true" transsexual, think about it this way ...

You have a limited period of time on earth. It is your body and your life. Why care about whether you fit into the category of "true" transsexual or not? It is irrelevant in the scheme of things in your life. The only value that the category has to your life is whatever value you give to it. Besides, you are already a minority in the world because you have a gender issue and you chose to be true to yourself and acted to resolve your gender dysphoria. Why care now to fit in with the "true" transsexual category at all when you do not fit with the "normal" that the rest of the world prescribes? You are undergoing transition to resolve your personal gender dysphoria, not for someone else. And as far as those who care so much about the "true" transsexual category goes, they are not necessarily the smartest people on earth. The noisiest ones merely have a big voice, not necessarily a big brain. It is just their opinion. They do not matter to your life anyway. So ignore them. Let them be happy proclaiming whatever they want. Be happy with where you are. I wish I had someone in my life who accepted me the way your wife does. You are lucky in so many ways. Cherish what you have and ignore those people.

[spacial]

I see some who write dismissively that we are about Gender and not some "sexual fetish freaks."  They then write how a "true" transsexual has to have surgery, which to me would only be necessary to accomplish certain sexual acts. 

So if it is, as I believe, some combination of gender and sexuality, then why the constant put-down of cross-dressers or ->-bleeped-<-s?  Aren't they just at a different spot on this continuum?  It reminds me a bit of how Blacks, with the massive change in acceptance that has occurred in my lifetime, seem most hateful of homosexuals.  It is as if being "normal" is no fun unless you can knock someone down and make them inferior to you. 

I can't say I've noticed a lot of posts with the first assertion, but I also completely disagree with it.

I find myself strugging with terminology sometimes. Gender nouns and pronouns aside, there are so many lables which seem to describe almost the same thing.

As for the second, this is a sad reality. Here in the UK, the gays seem to be turning on transgendered people in particular. Though, of course, they have a political motive.

[westminstersub]

Well, for sure, I am not thinking as of right now to undergo GRS.

I have just started on estrogen, so I might change my opinion with time, but at this moment, I think that GRS is not needed. Is more of a personal decision, that doesn't have much to do with how you feel in terms of male or female.

Best!!

Anna

[K8]

The things is, we are all trying to free ourselves to live as our true selves.  If that means non-op or CD or whatever, fine.  I think that sometimes when we find the secret for ourselves - in gender expression, religion, politics, eating habits, or anything else - we want everyone else to find their happiness the way we found ours.  But we aren't all the same and have different needs.

I never thought I would get GRS.  I didn't need that alteration, but I got it because I could and it seemed like the next logical step.  For me, it has made a huge difference and I am very glad that I did.  But it may not be what you need or want.  Our similarities knit us together and our differences make the world a richer place.

- Kate

[spacial]

That's the nub of the issue kate.

I tend to think, for many of us, it's trying to achieve the best compromise we can.

[Emmanuelle]

Gender; wonderful isn't it? I never really managed to define it for me. I always felt that it was hugely important and thought a lot on how to express myself, like transitioning up to a certain point and stay there forever (or not). I love the concept of gender fluidity.

It doesn't work for me any more (I reached my tipping point) but as long as we have gender conscious people we'll have the joy of living the diversity nature brings us.

Emma *not caring about labels*

[Lacey Lynne]

Just want to let you know that you are not alone with all the feelings you have described.

About not fitting in with the claims about the necessity of GRS for the "true" transsexual, think about it this way ...

You have a limited period of time on earth. It is your body and your life. Why care about whether you fit into the category of "true" transsexual or not? It is irrelevant in the scheme of things in your life. The only value that the category has to your life is whatever value you give to it. Besides, you are already a minority in the world because you have a gender issue and you chose to be true to yourself and acted to resolve your gender dysphoria. Why care now to fit in with the "true" transsexual category at all when you do not fit with the "normal" that the rest of the world prescribes? You are undergoing transition to resolve your personal gender dysphoria, not for someone else. And as far as those who care so much about the "true" transsexual category goes, they are not necessarily the smartest people on earth. The noisiest ones merely have a big voice, not necessarily a big brain. It is just their opinion. They do not matter to your life anyway. So ignore them. Let them be happy proclaiming whatever they want. Be happy with where you are. I wish I had someone in my life who accepted me the way your wife does. You are lucky in so many ways. Cherish what you have and ignore those people.

Now, THIS is a way-cool reply with which I completely agree.  Couldn't have said it any better myself.  Rock on!  Everybody else's posts are excellent too.  Thanks, all.  Love reading this stuff.   

[VanOcc]

Just want to let you know that you are not alone with all the feelings you have described.

About not fitting in with the claims about the necessity of GRS for the "true" transsexual, think about it this way ...

You have a limited period of time on earth. It is your body and your life. Why care about whether you fit into the category of "true" transsexual or not? It is irrelevant in the scheme of things in your life. The only value that the category has to your life is whatever value you give to it. Besides, you are already a minority in the world because you have a gender issue and you chose to be true to yourself and acted to resolve your gender dysphoria. Why care now to fit in with the "true" transsexual category at all when you do not fit with the "normal" that the rest of the world prescribes? You are undergoing transition to resolve your personal gender dysphoria, not for someone else. And as far as those who care so much about the "true" transsexual category goes, they are not necessarily the smartest people on earth. The noisiest ones merely have a big voice, not necessarily a big brain. It is just their opinion. They do not matter to your life anyway. So ignore them. Let them be happy proclaiming whatever they want. Be happy with where you are. I wish I had someone in my life who accepted me the way your wife does. You are lucky in so many ways. Cherish what you have and ignore those people.

Sorry to bump, but I love what you have said here. You're entirely right. If I could rep it I would but I'm not sure how, don't think I have enough posts etc

Thanks mate!

[CaitJ]

Every reason I give myself to do it involves someone else's perception of me, rather than my perception of my own body.

If that's not enough justification for you, that fine.
For others, that's more than enough justification.
My want for congruency was definitely based on the perceptions of others - I want to get changed at the swimming pools without being arrested. I want to pee in the women's loos without fear of upsetting other women. I don't want other people to react badly to me because they are grossed out by the idea that I have a penis. I want to be perceived as congruent and normal.

[MeghanAndrews]

Cindy, it seems like you've thought this through quite a bit and that you've gotten to a place where you are comfortable. Like K8 said, that's different for everyone and the fact that you went through the questioning and answering and you are in this place where you feel good, THAT'S what matters! You don't need anyone around here to tell you you are doing the right thing because it's right for YOU, you know? That's all that matters. It's a real struggle that people have sometimes and the more that others can come here into a non-op forum and discuss their thoughts and ideas without feeling judged, the better off everyone is. Congrats on coming to your realization that you are exactly where you want to be Meghan

[japple]

I see some who write dismissively that we are about Gender and not some "sexual fetish freaks."  They then write how a "true" transsexual has to have surgery, which to me would only be necessary to accomplish certain sexual acts.  So if it is, as I believe, some combination of gender and sexuality, then why the constant put-down of cross-dressers or ->-bleeped-<-s?  Aren't they just at a different spot on this continuum?

I haven't been around long enough to notice this but my therapist was more concerned that wanting GRS too badly was a fetish sign.  Being a man with a secret vagina could definitely be a fetish.  There are fetishes and I think it's legitimate for trans people to try to distance themselves from the fetishes socially.  There is a pretty big difference between someone who is pained by gender their whole lives and someone who wants to dress up to perform a sexual act.  I think a lot of trans people don't care what anyone does in their bedroom but hold out hope for society to see what they are going through as a treatable part of the human condition that has very little to do with sex.  That's why they're so afraid of " ->-bleeped-<-."  Seems pretty understandable to me.

My partner said it best when I asked if she would have trouble when her friends found out about me.  "If people don't get it, f**k 'em."