Going Full Time

[marissak]

Most TS women I've known have started HRT and done their legal name changes before going full time. I'm doing it in reverse.

Each person's method or sequence of transition is their own. You adapt to your own personal situation and make the most out of it based on your own needs. You do not have to frame your transition based on how the other people do it.

Best wishes! I am sure you will be great at work as Britney.

[Britney_413]

Thanks for sharing your story. One of the things that I think is helping me is not trying to overdo my appearance. I've known many transwomen who put tons of makeup on and wear extremely feminine attire likely in an attempt to be more passable but what ends up happening is because they aren't presenting like genetic women do they are drawing attention to themselves causing them not to pass. Since I'm transitioning on the job to avoid more of a shock I also felt it was better to not dress excessively feminine like I mentioned above. As odd as it sounds I've noticed that by not trying to pass I end up passing. For a long time (well up to last week) I had an androgynous male appearance and now I basically look more like a butch female. Ironically (or perhaps not so) I've never really felt all that feminine but feminine enough that I don't feel like a male at all. Anyway, I'm rambling but the point is that I think what passing often comes down to is little more than simply being yourself. Everyone of course at work knows I'm trans simply because I am transitioning on the job. But outside of work and in the general society, I can't assume that people know I'm trans and I can't assume that they don't know. As you have mentioned, I have the same goal of simply coming across as a female, not as a trans person. I think there is a lot of confusion and mis-identifying within the trans community today on this issue. As more people are coming out and it being accepted we have more people that want to be a visible trans person. Such people should be careful because they may be transitioning for the wrong reasons. Whether or not people know is irrelevant. I don't want to be identified as a "->-bleeped-<-"; I want to be identified as a female.

As a side note, I'm no expert on hair removal but you did mention that you had 15 or more laser sessions and still have a ton of body hair. Have you considered electrolysis? I'm under the impression that laser is not designed/perfected to remove all hair but to simply remove and clear a good portion of it. I've only had one laser session on my face. I plan on having a total of six and then finishing the rest with electrolysis which is proven to get rid of the hair. I think laser is a good start but I'm quite sure that you cannot get rid of all unwanted hair from laser alone. If anyone else knows more about this, please let me know.

As to T-blockers, you said you weren't on those. I'm starting HRT in January and I hope I get a good prescription of them. I'm not one who likes putting chemicals in my body but apparently I will have to wait a year for an orchiectomy. I'm no expert on this either but if you don't want to take the T-blockers I'm guessing that an orchy would solve that problem. I've already started putting a few dollars away here and there toward surgery. It isn't much but I cannot afford SRS anytime soon but would be content with a castration. Anyway, thanks for everyone's support.

[Cindy]

Hi Britney

I think you make several very important points. the whole discussion of whether someone is trans or not is getting frustrating for many people. I think the label has been useful to help some newbies get comfortable with notion that they are perfectly normal. Buy after that I think it becomes tedious for female gender people and also becomes inaccurate and can be used negatively againsy people. I tell people that I'm female gendered and matching the body to my brain. Women seem to accept that with no problems and I find men are more accepting of that than telling them I'm transgendered, which seems to have deviant sexual connotations for some men.
The point of less is more is also very valid. If you want to be seen as a turkey dress as one.  Other woman at my work wear jeans and tops, loose skirts, flat shoes, normal work stuff. About the most make up would be lippie and mascara, OK some of us may need a little more camouflage, but we should try and keep to a minimum.
Laser vs electrolysis.  I don't think we will ever prove or disprove this one. I've now had two complete beard sessions, thefirst took three goes to cover all my face, the second took two, and one was 20 mins the other ten, so I had my chest, tummy and bikini done as well, which took about 15 minutes and that was the first time. My laser lady did say that being on HRT affected laser as the female hormone hair cycle is less aggressive than the T driven. But I have light skin and darkish hair, which is a good response type. If you have the right skin/hair combo get your upper lip lasered a few times at least, before electro on it. It was damn painful on laser I'm not sure if I could take electro without being strapped down, I think if George Bush knew about it he would have replaced water boarding for upper lip hair removal; it's not torture, it's getting people to talk .
HRT is putting drugs into your body. But it feels SO GOOD, my brain is starting to accept me, I feel calmer, more organised, peaceful, and I've finally stopped  waking up with a tent pole in my nightie

I'm still not out FT at work but I know I have taken a lot of steps recently, wearing female trousers, more rings, bought a feminine watch, I always wear ear rings any way (pierced). But I had three guys today address me 'OK Love' and  not rudely, last week it was 'OK no probs'. And these are people who don't know me, contractors etc.

I think you may have found the secret formula for coming out when you don't come out

Hugs Honey

Cindy

[marissak]

I had an androgynous male appearance and now I basically look more like a butch female.
...

That sounds similar to the approach I followed. The first 4-5 months on the job, I dressed androgynous, sort of, wearing shirts and trousers/jeans meant for women, along with flats.

However, I am told that I did not look butch at all. I am told I looked like a pretty girl trying hard to act tomboyish to fit in with the male culture at the workplace. So I guess other people viewed me as more female than I viewed myself. Or perhaps the ruse of dressing androgynously worked to help me pass better.

I agree with Cindy's point that the labels are not particularly accurate although they are useful. My suggestion is to ignore the labels personally (even if you use them in your public relations messages) and do the best you can to deal with your gender issue within your circumstances. When you look back at this phase say 50 years from now, you should know that you did the best you could now. Your transition is your own, so own it. Don't do something just because most other trans people are doing it. Do it only if it is absolutely right for you.

[alia]

I have a question for people here. I assume most if not everyone here started going out in public "part time" before they went full time. For those who were switching back and forth you probably gradually went closer and closer to full time before actually going full time. So here is my question. When you did go full time did it seem like the longer you were full time the more ridiculous, unlikely, and even impossible it would be to ever go back to being a boy (or girl for FTMs) even for a few minutes/hours? I mean this is only the third full day in a row of me presenting female (and two days at work) and I don't even want to look at the men's shirts and jeans I have in the closet let alone put them on.

This happens to me every day, and I've been out only like 10 times in total girl mode. I wear hella girly jeans and hoodies every day. My hair looks sooooo stupid in boy mode too, so I just put it in a pony tail right now. Stoked for cute hair bands.

The one thing i really realllly can't get away with yet in "boy" mode are flats. I love flats. I want to wear them every day for the rest of my life, and I can't start for another year at least.

Either way I'm stoked to go full time!