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Widowers Dilemma

Started by Susan Baum, November 16, 2010, 08:22:34 AM

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Susan Baum

Hello, World
I feel like the newbie poster that I am - at a loss for words or even thoughts about where to start.  I found this site by accident and have spent hours as a guest reading your thoughts.  I wish there had been something like this site 40+ years ago when I first realized I truly had to embrace my feminine personna. 

The basics: I am a 60+ year old crossdresser who lost his wife in September.  Chelle was not only supportive of me, she encouraged me to emerge when she knew I needed out - in fact, it was she who re-named me Susan some 35 years ago.  Susan had been a part of our lives together but has been somewhat hidden for the past few years for a variety of reasons. 

Now that my life has started to stabilize a bit, I was somewhat taken by surprise when the desire to let Susan again emerge struck.  My dilemma?  Do I continue to keep her closeted and ignore the urges which have been a part of my life since the early 60's or do I dare let her emerge knowing it will bring back a flood of memories? 

By posting here, I'm announcing I have again embraced her as well as found a forum to let me know I am not alone... 

Susan

Aging is inevitable - growing up is optional.
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Emmanuelle

Welcome Susan!

All my sympathy for the loss of your wife. After so many years, I can only begin to imagine... But, you're here now and you're definitely not alone!

Emma
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
- Maria Robinson
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niamh

Condolences on the loss of your wife.

TBH, I say let Susan out! I know that it will be a tough road but I think that you owe it to yourself to show the world the person you are on the inside. You have some three decades left on this earth. Why not let yourself shine? Whatever you do, do not hide yourself! Welcome and good luck!
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Janet_Girl

Hi Susan, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 4100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )


I am sorry to hear of your lose.  I am 56 now and have been on the journey for going on three years.  Let her out.  Come to the dark side.

Hugs and Love,
Janet
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JoanneTV

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cynthialee

My condolenses on the loss of your love.

Welcome to the group. This is a great place to open up and just be you.
By all means let Susan out and explore the world. I am sure you will relish life when you do.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
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veck

Hi Susan,

Welcome to Susan's. You're wife will always be there, inside!

Just like you, I have joined this forum recently. I get very nice reactions to my posts and I have met someone from my own country. I hope you can find your true feelings.

Hugs
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Adabelle

Hey Susan. We are all really glad to have you here!
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K8

Hi Susan.  I am a widow in my sixties.  My wife died 3 1/2 years ago after a long illness.  It took years to get my head on straight after that, but when I did I realized I needed to deal with my gender issues at last.  My spouse accepted my crossdressing mostly but not always.  She had trouble understanding it and I had trouble explaining it because I didn't really understand it either.

Anyway, once I started coming out to people I found that I was coming out to myself.  I am now a post-op TS and realizing that I have always been a woman somehow.

Whatever path you decide is right for you, I wish you well.  What I found very helpful in the beginning were: an understanding counselor, good friends, this forum, a support group, and time to work it out.

Welcome to the confusing and wonderful life of learning to be yourself. :)

- Kate
Life is a pilgrimage.
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Jillieann Rose

Hello Susan,
I think it is obvious you have already let her out.
Or if you like me she just came out and I had no desire to stop her.
I am sorry for your lose of your wife. It's got to be hard being alone now.
Susan you have a new family here at Susan's, so don't you be shy come share with us.
Oh I'm just a young 60 myself. ;D
As Kate said
QuoteWelcome to the confusing and wonderful life of learning to be yourself.
Jillieann
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Susan Baum

I thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words - I know I will like it here. 

Quote from: Jillieann on November 16, 2010, 09:01:33 PM
I think it is obvious you have already let her out.
Or if you like me she just came out and I had no desire to stop her.

Jillieann, you have me pegged.  My "sister" really didn't leave me much of a choice Ready or not, grab my bra because here I come! and I have no desire to stop her now or later. 

I wonder where we will go from here...  "Susan" has rarely ventured from home and I dare say none of my colleagues or buddies would be very understanding.  I would not call them "Archie Bunker" types but their necks may have been out in the sun too long.  My wife and I had a very good and dear friend who happens to be lesbian - I may just have to float a trial ballon her way to test the waters. 

I'll be back soon,
Susan
Aging is inevitable - growing up is optional.
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Cindy

Hi Susan,
Welcome again.
I'm in a sort of similar situation. I came out to my wife pre marriage, 28 years ago and lived as Cindy with her on and off and totally accepted. My wife know has to live in high dependency care, due to an accident,  I decided that Cindy would transition. I'm still PT but moving, and a lot due to my wonderful friends, brothers and sisters at Susan's.

Welcome and guess what, you know have another family who will love you.

Cindy
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xAndrewx

Susan,

I'm very sorry for your loss. Welcome to the site   :icon_wave:

BlackWolf

i'm sorry to hear about your wife... i'm glad that you had so much support in your life from her. Hopfully you can find the same kind of support here.
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Lacey Lynne

Quote from: niamh on November 16, 2010, 09:51:17 AM
Condolences on the loss of your wife.

TBH, I say let Susan out! I know that it will be a tough road but I think that you owe it to yourself to show the world the person you are on the inside. You have some three decades left on this earth. Why not let yourself shine? Whatever you do, do not hide yourself! Welcome and good luck!

Hear! Hear!  I second this motion.  Wiser words were never spoken.  Glad you're here.    :)
Believe.  Persist.  Arrive.    :D



Julie Vu (Princess Joules) Rocks!  "Hi, Sunshine Sparkle Faces!" she says!
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dyslexi

Sorry for your loss. It has been a year and a half for me since my wife died.   I am moving forward as fast as the bureaucracy will let me.
At our age what do we have to lose. We have been there, done that!. Go for it girl. Smiles
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Susan Baum

#16
I thank you all for your kind condolences.  I AM glad to be here.   

Cindy, I came out to Chelle just as we started dating more seriously - I've started to write the whole story but I'm not exactly under which topic to place it.  It's PG but there is a bit of an integral but "adult" sub-theme that went with her support of me and I don't want to run afoul of this board's high standards. 

I was working out of town today and met our friend Sally for lunch and, as I said on Wednesday, I decided to open up to her.  When I said I had an admission to make, she answered me with "Well, when do I get to meet Susan?"  I knew she and Chelle were close, but this was almost too much for me.  How long had she known? and a thousand other questions ran through my mind but then I realized it didn't matter at all.  She was in on the secret and didn't seem to mind - so why should it bother me that she had known before?  Since I still had some time to kill and she had the afternoon off, I asked her if she cared to do a bit of shopping - I really do need a new bra. 

I had been shopping with Chelle many times; since she was a plus sized lady, I already knew my destination.  I suppose some deeply closeted folks rely on the internet for their shopping, I don't and never have; I have to feel the fabric, see the "cut" and "hang," look at how it was put together – plus shopping for Susan can be fun.  Why is it men's clothing is so darned boring? 

We walked into the plus-size specialty store and headed to the lingerie section where there were 3 or 4 other shoppers.  Now Sally is about 5-6 and may weigh 125 pounds, I am a burly 6 feet tall and weigh 225.  The 18 or 19 year old wisp of a clerk looks perplexed as she asks her if she needed any help to which I replied that I (the guy in a sport coat and tie) am the one looking for a new bra – 50C to be specific.  I have to hand it to the clerk, though.  I knew this was a "first" but she tried her best to take it in stride and led us to the bras as she would have any other customer.  The other customers (all born as women, I presume) looked somewhat startled as she showed me several styles and described the features of each type.  I made my selections of different styles in pink and black and headed to the check-out area to the sound of a few "tsks" mixed with a few stifled giggles.  The cashier didn't bat an eyelash when I handed her the chain's credit card and made the purchase.  They do fit well but I won't wear them until the factory sizing is gone; they're in a gentle wash as I write. 

Until next time,
Susan

(edited my speling - dyslexic fingers)
Aging is inevitable - growing up is optional.
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niamh

It was great to read your shopping-story! I admire your courage to just go in and request service as a customer. And why not? After all they are a business and every dollar counts.
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annette

Hi Susan

I think that the flood of memories will come one way or another, you've lost somebody so very close and supporting to you that you can never forget.
your loved wife will allways be with you in your heart
So take your time for mourning, cry if you want to and let the CD in you out when you're ready for it.
I wish you a lot of strenght

hugs
annette

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Susan Baum

Quote from: niamh on November 20, 2010, 04:50:10 AM
It was great to read your shopping-story! I admire your courage to just go in and request service as a customer. And why not? After all they are a business and every dollar counts.

Annette, Susan is out.  No, I will never forget Chelle and I know my mourning could go on forever but I think letting this me out was a sign the "chronic" period was over.  And going shopping was only another small step to the rest of my life. 

naimh, not every business is trans-friendly but this one was.  Because it is a women's store, the clerk was a bit reluctant to let me use the fitting rooms to try the bras on for fit - what would the other customers say?  Eeeeek, a MAN.  On the other hand, do you know of self-respecting woman who would buy bras - especially in brands and styles she had never worn before - without trying them for fit?  I knew I had the clerk won over when I asked if they had an employee restroom.  As it turned out, one of the styles I tried ran large so I had to try (and ended up buying) the style in a 48 inch band size. 

The adventure continues... 
Susan


Aging is inevitable - growing up is optional.
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