"Boys only"

[Flam]

Yesterday, a friend of mine, who know pretty well who i am, my disphoria and all my trans thoughts, asked me if he could take my partner for a "boys only" stuff.
I asked what the hell he was talking about, once i'm a boy too! ... And he said he was planning to take my partner to a sauna, with another friend of them, and also said that it's a place where i can't get in, "y'know why".
Firts, it offended me, because i'm not a straight woman, in a straight relationship! I'm a man, just like my partner, and wouldn't allow such thing, if i can't get in. I know, to the society i'm just a little girl, with those two balls of fat in my chest. But i'll remove them one day, and then i will allow and follow my mate in those "boys only" things. Once i can't get in, he won't too. Quite simple. And it's not any order, my partner wouldn't go, even if i allow him to. The only place he go and i don't, is the man's restroom  =|
Anyway... This friend put me down for a while, without any intention to do it. He just thought it was a good idea, because recently he discovered that my partner isn't a straight guy and was planning to go with him in "gayish" things, thinking that he would like it and feel better in a "gay place".
I already forgive him for that, just hope he don't talk about doing "boys things only" with my partner again  =P

Does these things happened to you, guys? What was your response to that?

[Berren]

I'm sorry to hear about that! I personally haven't had any experience like that but I can imagine how irritating it would be. I hope you have a talk with your friend about it!

[JohnR]

wouldn't allow such thing, if i can't get in.

i'll remove them one day, and then i will allow and follow my mate

even if i allow him to

That is what stands out in your post.

[Sharky]

Was he planning on taking him to a gay bath house? Theres a big difference between that and a day spa. If your naked body doesn't pass as male then you really can't go. The most you will be wearing is a towel around your waist. If you don't pass enough to use the mens room I don't see how it would work out.

I can relate to wanting a body I don't have, but I can't relate to wanting my partner to miss out. I wouldn't want to be a ball and chain.

[Miniar]

Meh... hasn't happened with us...
but I have urged hubby to go for a swim if he wants to, even if I have gotten so f-ing fed up with my chesticles keeping me out of the pool that I actually feel like tearing up whenever I look at the damned thing.

See, cause he and I are not joined at the hip.
We're partners, lovers, mates, best friends, all that jazz, but he's not my property, nor am I his.
We are two individuals who are together. Not a single entity.
He exists without me, and I exist without him.

So I can't see why he should reject "men's" activities for my sake,.. or any activity for that matter.
I'd feel guilty for denying him fun on the grounds that I can't have that same fun... guilty and ridiculous.

[niamh]

So I can't see why he should reject "men's" activities for my sake,.. or any activity for that matter.
I'd feel guilty for denying him fun on the grounds that I can't have that same fun... guilty and ridiculous.

Seconded.

I am in a lesbian relationship with a cisgirl but 1) she is her own person 2) I realise I don't have a female body.

She can go on 'girls-activity' and sure it kind sucks but I know one day I will be able to go too. Other people shouldn't be denied fun just because I was born in the wrong body.

Yah. Sorry for not having something more supporting to say. But hey, someday your dream too will be realised! That's a happy thought.

[Sean]

I'm not sure if what was upsetting to you was being excluded or that he referred to it as "boys only."

I can see getting frustrated about both things - that you would want to go to the sauna too & not be left behind because you're not allowed in or that you don't want him to use language that says you are not a boy.

I think those are your two issues to separate. If it is just about the words used, tell him that saying things like "boys only" only reminds you of your transness and it hurts, because your identity IS as a boy. If it is about being excluded, then I think you have to put it in context. Is this a friend who routinely tries to leave you out? Or is he just trying to do something fun with your partner and it happens to be something you aren't able to do yet? Cause if it is the first one, ok, then try to come up with other ideas and say, "Hey, man, when you always suggest things like the sauna, you're ditching me. Let's go to the pub instead."

But if it's a once ever thing - or rare- then, I agree with what everyone else said: Your partner doesn't need your permission to go to the sauna with another friend and you need to relax a bit. I just think that part got confused because the language he used wasn't very respectful.

[tekla]

People use the phrase 'with the boys' or 'with the girls' to be polite way of saying 'without you.'  They didn't want you along, then find something else to do.

[Flam]

Meh... hasn't happened with us...
but I have urged hubby to go for a swim if he wants to, even if I have gotten so f-ing fed up with my chesticles keeping me out of the pool that I actually feel like tearing up whenever I look at the damned thing.

See, cause he and I are not joined at the hip.
We're partners, lovers, mates, best friends, all that jazz, but he's not my property, nor am I his.
We are two individuals who are together. Not a single entity.
He exists without me, and I exist without him.

So I can't see why he should reject "men's" activities for my sake,.. or any activity for that matter.
I'd feel guilty for denying him fun on the grounds that I can't have that same fun... guilty and ridiculous.

Miniar, i understand and agree with you  o..o
He don't reject "man's" activities, he's not even the sort of boy who do those things. He's shy, and "nerd" in some meanings. He don't play soccer, he play video-games, y'know?  "XD
Also, his circle of friends is composed mostly by mans like him, so he's not used to do "boy's things only"  :B

Guess my post wans't clear  >..<''
I'm not mad or sad with my partner, because wasn't him the one talking about doing those things. He wouldn't even think about it, because it's not the sort of things that he's used to do. I told him that this friend of us was asking for my permission to take him to this sauna/turkish bath. And, as you too said here, i told Koga [my mate] that he's not my property and what Savanah's was asking was foolish, because if he want to take Koga to a sauna, he should've talked to Koga, not to me.
What made me sad was Savanah asking to ME if he could take Koga to a "boy's only" stuff... I felt like a straight and foolish girl who don't know that her partner is gay...

[niamh]

Anyway, Flam, just wanted to say that you two look really cute together. 

[Flam]

Cause if it is the first one, ok, then try to come up with other ideas and say, "Hey, man, when you always suggest things like the sauna, you're ditching me. Let's go to the pub instead."

No, no, no, Sean, it's the first one, not the second as some people thought   >..<''
Sorry for not explaining myself pretty well in english  ._.''

Anyway, Flam, just wanted to say that you two look really cute together. 

Awns  <3
Thank you, Niamh  :3
I always wanted to say that you're a pretty girl, too. Your photo is beautiful  ^..^

[niamh]

Thank you, Niamh  :3
I always wanted to say that you're a pretty girl, too. Your photo is beautiful  ^..^

*embarrased smiley* aw shucks! thanks!