I'm fairly new to Susan's and think this forum is probably where I should now be. They say confession is good for the soul...
I'm a recently widowed 60 year old lifelong crossdresser with no overt thoughts of transition. I have both masculine and feminine personality traits but I live, work and identify to most of the world as male. My femme has recently made a comeback after a hiatus during my wife's illness and passing; Chelle was probably Susan's most ardent supporter. (One of these days, I'll get around to posting our story.)
I don't feel it takes a "shrink" to tell me my return was, in part, an escape from the pain and anguish of mourning (yes, my sister has a very calming effect on her brother), the fact is I started this journey when I was in my early teens and have never looked back.
But something has changed – I'm not sure what or why. The depth of the change was driven home during the Thanksgiving holiday when I was invited for an extended visit with our daughter and family -perhaps "commanded" was more to the point. During my stay I chose to leave anything "Susan" behind; though our daughter had been comfortable with me for years, her husband is not and her kids (ages 3 and 5) have no inkling. Not to force the issue but five days (and in "guy" underwear, to boot) seemed like an eternity...
Like many others, I've always appreciated cooler weather and sweaters because their bulk could easily hide the occasional all-day bra day. Chelle and I used to relish these "I've got a secret!" days, infrequent as they were... But since my return, what had been infrequent has turned to all but daily and I all but feel naked without one – or the girls. Two weeks ago, with only 1 well-fitting bra and one so-so one to my name, I went shopping for more rather than face daily laundry. The girls are another issue – or are they? Yes, they are a distinct part of most women's appearance and, frankly, they were a part of Chelle's and my ordinary as well as more intimate times; she liked my C's as much as she did her DD's. Need I say as soon as I got home, I got more comfortable and shapely?
But it's back to work Monday and here we go again. It's a cold day and most of us will be in sweaters - I'm sure no one will care what my undies are but what if someday I decide do more? Just the thought of facing a client as a guy with boobs or in a skirt and hose or tights makes me giggle. I don't think my manager or the company would find it particularly amusing – especially since I haven't even really looked into our policies regarding crossdressing. Do we even have one? I really don't think I am anywhere near there yet but it wouldn't hurt to check the on-line HR files...
Susan
