Friends.

[Cody Jensen]

So I've been doing some thinking about coming out to my best friend even though I'm not ready to come out yet or even start finding a therapist. Anyways, I wouldn't know what to do if my best friend decided to ditch me because of this. I know what you're going to say: if she truly is my friend, she won't ditch me. But it is much more complicated than that. We knew eachother all through high school. She is more of a sister to me now than my own sister is. Aside from this, I have other problems going on in my life right now and she is the only thing getting me through them. I lost her once and I could barely handle that. I don't want to lose her again. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I really want to tell her about this but like I said I have a bunch of other crap going on I can only handle a few things at a time. I need some help from you guys and how to handle her ditching me if that is what she decides to do?

[Colleen Ireland]

Sometimes I really want to tell her about this but like I said I have a bunch of other crap going on I can only handle a few things at a time.

So maybe it's not yet time.  This is something that can't be un-said once it's out there.  You need to be really, really solid on the decision to tell someone, and know exactly why you're doing it at this time, and you've listed all the pro's and con's, and the pro's come out ahead.  And you can handle the con's.  I don't really know your situation, but it sounds like you may not be quite there yet.  Give yourself some more time.  You say you're not yet ready to come out to people or even look for therapy.  Perhaps examine that?  You might be more ready than you think, but you might just need more time.

[jamherst]

If it's not too personal, how did you loose her the first time? And yes I am going to say it--if she is your friend, it wouldn't matter. Think of it this way, if she came out to you with something you've never heard before--would you still support her?

Perhaps you could think of an easier method to tell her. Ease into it, drop hints--ask casually for opinions. If you feel as if it's not going to go well, you could back out without giving yourself away. I can imagine how important she is in your life. You might need to be cautious and wait until you are feeling more at ease.

[Mrs Erocse]

We realize how important and advantageous it may be to tell her if she is accepting. But we agree with Colleen Ireland. Take your time and get past these other difficult things first. When it feels right and things have settled in your life perhaps then would be a better time.

Wishing you the best.
~HUGS~
The Erocses

[Cody Jensen]

I think you are all right and I should wait until I'm ready. I'm just worried that I'll never be ready.

[Cody Jensen]

"If it's not too personal, how did you lose her the first time?"

It's a long story, but basically: there were three guys all fighting over her. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with it, I swear. One day she decided to stop texting me and returning my calls and stop hanging out with me. I have NO idea why. I think she was just too caught up with the three guys fighting over her thing. If I hadn't sent that email saying how much I missed her, she NEVER would have talked to me again. Why? I honestly haven't a clue. So there you have it. I may have been making a big deal over nothing, but I truly felt like I was losing/going to lose her. Also the fact that she ignore the invitation to my birthday party and never came. But oh well. Friends are weird, what are you gonna do?

[jamherst]

"If it's not too personal, how did you lose her the first time?"

It's a long story, but basically: there were three guys all fighting over her. I had absolutely NOTHING to do with it, I swear. One day she decided to stop texting me and returning my calls and stop hanging out with me. I have NO idea why. I think she was just too caught up with the three guys fighting over her thing. If I hadn't sent that email saying how much I missed her, she NEVER would have talked to me again. Why? I honestly haven't a clue. So there you have it. I may have been making a big deal over nothing, but I truly felt like I was losing/going to lose her. Also the fact that she ignore the invitation to my birthday party and never came. But oh well. Friends are weird, what are you gonna do?

That was all very vague so excuse me if I make any false assumptions. It seems like communication isn't very good here...and also some in and out moodiness. Lots of words unspoken and a bit of drama. You should probably revisit this incident...if possible--ask her why she decided to shut you out of her life one day before coming out to her. I think you got some friend issues first before trans issues.

[Cody Jensen]

Those actually aren't the issues I was talking about. My family issues are more serious right now, not my friend issues, and since the friend thing is mostly forgotten I feel like it's best not to bring it up again. My apologies for making it vague...and making it seem like drama. I hate doing that. And about her shutting me out of her life... I don't think that had anything with her suspecting that I was trans, because I didn't start feeling like I was in the wrong body until four months or so after this happened.