Hey, you seem like you have a lot to deal with right now. I've been going through similar things. I feel like that a lot of the time. Like a faker. Like I could never live up to the expectations people have of men. That I would fare better as a woman, because I can pull it off. But I think a lot of people on this site would agree that just because you may physically pass as the gender you were born, doesn't mean you emotionally and mentally pass. That is how you know what you are. What feels right. You can't deny who you are on the inside, and until you come to terms with that, it's not an easy road. I'm still on that road. I tell myself every morning that I can't change for anyone, and that I am the way I am for some reason, whatever it is, and that I need to embrace it. Yes, it would have been easier if I was okay with being a girl, but I'm not, I never will be. And I fall into self destructive habits if I deny my feelings.
You are so brave. You are brave for posting this. For being honest with yourself. The bottom surgery pics are pretty intimidating, and they scare me too. I don't know if I'll ever get bottom surgery, I've been reassured by many that it's not for everyone, and over time, most can find ways to pass without it.
Talk to your ex when you feel calm enough. Tell her what you're feeling. Let her know if she needs time to think, she should have it, but that you would like to talk things out.
There are ways to pass more, but it all starts on the inside with confidence. Really, if you have confidence in being a man, it exudes that masculine aura you want.
Hope this helps. I'm always here. PM me if you like.
