Hello everyone!
My name is Ren, and I'm a transitioning FTM. I'm currently attending therapy session here in the sunshine state and I'll be moving away from my abusive family after twenty three years of living in self denial. There came a point in my life where the walls just came down. I was sick and tired of trying to be everything I wasn't. Instead of returning to my true self, I attempted for years to be a ultra good girl- I even donned a skirt! But my attempts at acting female were so deep in the stereotype that eventually, even my best friends said "You're not yourself and it shows". I have and will always consider myself a man. I spent my childhood years blissfully ignorant that I was any different from the cute boys and the fellows I hung with.
Then, puberty hit. I became increasingly depressed and thought many times of suicide- the idea that I could never fully be a man haunted me. In my tiny middle-of-no-where town, you just couldn't achieve your dreams. At the age of 16, my parents had a brutal divorce and I left with my mother. Coming to FL has been one of the best and worst parts of my life. I gained a brother rather fast- not by blood, but a fellow man like me who I would lay my life down for. We're brothers my spirit and we have stuck through the thick of things together; he's also the man I'll be sharing a apartment with (one that caused us to joke about how we'd be 'those guys', because I'm very much into my men and he's exploring his sexuality).
It took a while but a few months back, after multiple attempts to hide my feelings, I came out to my family. I had hope and a moment of belief that they might accept me...
Then it came crashing down. Once more my family turned on me but this time, they cast horrible remarks and have made it a daily habit to remind me of how disgusted I make them, how I am and will never be human in their eyes if I continue down the path I am on.
To that, I say now with my head held high, ->-bleeped-<- Them. This is my life and I'm behind the wheel at last. I will no longer sit by causally watching them tear down everything I cherish and I will no longer look into my closet realizing every piece of male clothing I've purchased with my cash has been stolen and donated to Good Will.
This is the introduction of my acceptance- the life I spent way too long pretending I couldn't live. I'm a man, heart, mind, and soul. Someday soon, I hope to align my body with the passion I have inside.
The name's Ren, and it's a pleasure to finally be a part of the family I was always meant to find.
