Starting over! Innies&Outties!

[Jillieann Rose]

Simone,
Your welcome.
Love to help, or put in my 2 cents anyway. 
Helping others always help my mood too.
Don't have to much fun shopping tommorow.
Oh and tell us all about it will ya?
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Glenn]

Shopping Trip

Well today was shopping day again.  Got two nice tops one is navy blue and silky the other is white. 
No shoes found today so the quest for shoes continues.
My Ladies change room experience was about an 8 out of 10.  That is roughly 8 out of 10 of the ladies that were at the change rooms didn't gawk at me. Te-he. Wait till I start going out dressed!

But seriously, People have been very nice to me so far.

On other topics, I have to go in and sign a release at my Gps office tomorrow morning before he will forward any more information to CAMH.  So 9 am I will be in signing papers.
I am feeling up again today and that's good.  Shopping is fun for the first time EVER.

Hugs all
Simone

[Colleen Ireland]

My Ladies change room experience was about an 8 out of 10.  That is roughly 8 out of 10 of the ladies that were at the change rooms didn't gawk at me. Te-he. Wait till I start going out dressed!
...
On other topics, I have to go in and sign a release at my Gps office tomorrow morning before he will forward any more information to CAMH.  So 9 am I will be in signing papers.

My first change-room experience... I had to try on my first-ever feminine attire, a pair of ladies' jeans.  The change rooms were unisex, but they were all taken up when I got there, so I'm standing there waiting.  I figured jeans is jeans, so I'm not too nervous.  But what should play over the speakers at that moment?  Aretha Franklin!  "You make me feel..."  I felt like I was being welcomed!

Good luck at the doctor's tomorrow.  Soon as that's under way, you can sit back and relax for a month or so, but keep on keepin' on... 

[Jillieann Rose]

Simone I'm glad you had a good day shopping.
I never like shopping in the mens department.
But now I love to shop in the womens. Go-figure.

You went into a women dressing room dress as a man?
Oh Simone you crack me up.    8 out of 10 
Next time dress as the women you are first.
Ohh! I love silky tops. But this time of year the soft cottononce are more practical.

Needing to sign release papers for the CAMH sounds like your moving ahead, that's good.
Catch you later.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Glenn]

 Diet is working!

I've cut salt out of my diet and stopped eating seconds of anything.  Stopped eating sweets of any sort and replaced them with fruit when I can't resist. Result 3 lbs weight loss this week. Also been shopping a lot and that translated to more walking.  IE shopping = fun and fitness.  WIN WIN! 

Soon I will be heading to the GP to sign that release form, it's snowing here a touch of a snow storm so bundled up as much as possible but I'm also going out dressed for the first time in public. whooo!

Something else. Since I have started using ladies toiletries soaps creams some perfume and Deodorants I have actually found quite a change in how I feel.  I feel better cleaner even pretty sometimes even though I'm not.

Just having come this far has done wonders for my emotions and to lighten my depression I wish I had, had the strength and conviction to do this when I was younger. Because finally I feel vibrant alive myself.

Hugs Simon

[Jillieann Rose]

Way to go girl.
So glad that things are going well with you.
3 pounds already wow
Tell us, tell us how it went going out dress in proper apparel for the first time.
What did you wear and how did it go?
Was the power room crowd friendlier today?

Yes shopping is fun, you get exercises and don't forget spying on other women to see how they walk, talk,what they wear and how they act.  Just don't stare. 
Have fun.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Colleen Ireland]

Something else. Since I have started using ladies toiletries soaps creams some perfume and Deodorants I have actually found quite a change in how I feel.  I feel better cleaner even pretty sometimes even though I'm not.

Yes, I've noticed this, too.  When I started shaving my underarms, I realized very quickly that the old Speed Stick wasn't going to cut it any more.  I was getting ready for Gender Journeys one evening, and I realized... I STUNK!  I guess the Speed Stick would stick to the hair that used to be there, and with no hair, it just didn't do the job.  So I switched to Secret Unscented.  MUCH nicer!

[Glenn]

Yesterdays Trip to the GP and then Shopping.

The body of my GP's letter to the Gender Identity Clinic went as follows.

[ATT: Gender Identity Clinic

Thank you for considering this gentleman for your clinic.  He tells me that he has always seen himself as a woman. As a young child he wore his sisters clothing, and later his mother's clothing. After being caught by his parents, he stopped dressing in woman's clothing. He continued to feel he was trapped in the wrong sex. He had an unsuccessful marriage, and has faced a personal struggle with depression. He says he even says that he dreams as a woman.

At this point he is not dressing to his new identity. ]

Imagine the nurses surprise yesterday when I arrived fully dressed including a wig and shawl over it, knee length skirt over leggings, leg warmers sneakers she couldn't see my blouse because of my winter coat but it was a nice silky one in navy blue!

If my Doctor needs to send a second letter he'll have to amend the part about not dressing to my new identity.

After the GP's office and signing release forms for the DR's office and CAMH to communicate my information back and forth.  I went shopping.

First stop Giant Tiger.

Picked up a nice 3 pack of panties in my size and spent an hour looking at all the cloths that I some day would love to wear.  But my size is an issue for now.  I CAN FIX IT! Is what I am thinking. I noted something. There were no men in Giant tiger today. Not a single woman gave me so much as even a sideways glance that I noticed. I know that I cannot pass yet.
But they just seemed at ease.

Second stop Value village.

Picked up a very large drape that I intend to convert for use as a long skirt. I also hit the jewelry. Got myself a nice pinky ring with imitation diamond stones it's silver, well silver metal I don't know if it is silver.  I also got a string of what might be amber.

All in all yesterday was a good day out for a first day dressed.

To Quote K8 I think I can, I know I can, I can- I can- I can!

Loves and hugs
Simone.

[annette]

Hi Simone

Sure you can, and with the speed you are going, absolutely great.
You know, it's amazing how you have been chanced. Look at your first post, I was reading about a man with a gender problem who was depressive and now I'm reading the adventures from a happy woman who want to explore life.
Great isn't it ?
The way you handle things sweety, I am a admire form you.
Every week you take one of the lost years back.
So, keep on going girl and tell us all about your expiriences coz I really love your posts.

lots of love
annette

[Jillieann Rose]

Simone,
I am so happy things went well for you on your first dressed trip out.
And as Annette said

Look at your first post, I was reading about a man with a gender problem who was depressive and now I'm reading the adventures from a happy woman who want to explore life.

Wow! You have come along way baby.
And yes, it is very enjoyable to read your postings. Thank you for sharing.

Not a single woman gave me so much as even a sideways glance that I noticed. I know that I cannot pass yet.
But they just seemed at ease.

Are you sure you don't pass? Women usually look twice at a man in the undergarment area.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Glenn]

The Talk

Last night after dinner and doing the dishes, my dad asked me to stay and chat a while.  Mom seemed to vanish into the bedroom with the excuse of wanting a nap.

He asked me to get us a drink. So I got him his normal Rye and water and I had a red wine with cranberry juice.

Then I sat for a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. Then dad spoke, he said.
Are you aware that when you finish what you are doing you won't be the person you are now? He didn't pause or wait for a reply but carried on saying. You'll be a new person different and you will never be able to go back.

I told him yes and tried to explain to him that the reason that I am doing this is because the person on the outside isn't me. I told him that I am aware that many changes will occure but am convinced it is for the best and what I want. He nodded generally excepting my explanation with a resigned look.

I can't help but feel I've in some way let him down.  I am his only born son and the last male in our branch of the family.  At the same time I hate being a man. I hate living a lie, and I hate looking in the mirror and seeing a guy looking back.

So I want and need to make this transition, for my sanity for my body mind spirit I need to be free. I'm writing this post and then printing out the whole thread, I won't include anything that anyone else has posted because I respect all of your privacy and the advice you have given me. 
But I am going to give the posts I have made to him so he can read it. I hope he understands better once he has.
He's excepted this to a degree and resigned to it more or less. I hope if he can read my thoughts that he will have a greater grasp of who I am.

After the talk mom came back in had a drink with us after which I returned to my own apartment and had a cry before sleeping.

Loves you all
hugs
Simone

[Cruelladeville]

Where there's a will.... there's a way Simone....

Now in my fifties and having had my teeth (all 26) veneered this year.....and Toby Meltzer did my wonderful body contouring and labiaplasty tweak.....

I'm now looking better than I (ever) did in my roaring forties figure wise....

So the golden rule is it's never too late!

And my long-term b/f finally hinted (seriously) for once at marriage next year.....when we were at (a v romantic dinner) on Sunday night....and I asked him what his new years resolutions were going to be, he stated "I wont a wife" and what did I think of that?)

I almost fell of the chair, as he's never been serious about this issue before....and answered "That was a good ambition to have"....

Dreams can and do come true..... so hold onto that thought....

Keep up the good work, good diet and exercise....and good luck!

[Colleen Ireland]

I can't help but feel I've in some way let him down.

Oh, Simone, my heart goes out to you.  Because I know EXACTLY how you feel - it's how I feel in relation to my wife.  I've been sort of expecting this sort of talk was in your future.  Some of what you posted about your dad's reaction led me to expect it.  And in fact, I think I did say to you that you should expect the initial reaction not to be the final one.  This is something people struggle with.  And I think it's especially hard on a father.  But as you know, you CANNOT not move forward.  Forward is the only direction.  I know, it's like that for me, too.  There's no going back at this point.  I am here for you, girl, as are we all.  It's hard, but we're strong.  We'll get through it.  Go and google "You'll Never Walk Alone" and listen to the Jerry Marsden version.  I definitely believe there IS a rainbow at the end of this storm.  And it's a beautiful thing.

[regan]

He sounds like he's trying to be supportive in the round about way that parents are when they think we're making a mistake.  As much as I don't think he expected you to say "Oh, I hadn't thought of that.  Oh well, forget it then", at least he (as your dad) can rest assured that you know full well that "You'll be a new person different and you will never be able to go back."..  Regardless of how old we are, to our parents we are always 5 and in need of their guidance.

[A]

I think this talk is a good sign. He is willing to accept, but having a hard time, which is normal.

[spacial]

Simone.

I was thinking exactly the same as A.

OK, so your dad's dreams of having his son grow into a fine young man, in whom he can be proud and who will carry on 'the line' are gone.

But that, as they say, is his problem.

I understand you love your dad and don't want to disappoint him.

Will being a miserable man make your dad happy? How well do you think a miserable man can succeed? Will he be dancing with joy over that?

You are taking control of your life. You are expressing who you are. If it takes your dad a bit of time, then be supportive, but keep focused.

You dad doesn't sound to me the sort of person who wants to control your life.

[Colleen Ireland]

One thing:  if you think that there might even be a remote chance that having children might be important to you in the future, bank some sperm now.  You may decide that isn't necessary, but do think about it before making that decision.  Better to consider and reject than later regret not having considered...

[Glenn]

Where there's a will.... there's a way Simone....

Now in my fifties and having had my teeth (all 26) veneered this year.....and Toby Meltzer did my wonderful body contouring and labiaplasty tweak.....

I'm now looking better than I (ever) did in my roaring forties figure wise....

So the golden rule is it's never too late!

And my long-term b/f finally hinted (seriously) for once at marriage next year.....when we were at (a v romantic dinner) on Sunday night....and I asked him what his new years resolutions were going to be, he stated "I wont a wife" and what did I think of that?)

I almost fell of the chair, as he's never been serious about this issue before....and answered "That was a good ambition to have"....

Dreams can and do come true..... so hold onto that thought....

Keep up the good work, good diet and exercise....and good luck!

Seriously wow, congratulations!  And thanks for the pep talk really. Being 43 years old and seeing how young many here are when starting. I had some reservations about ever being truly pretty.  But I'm going to do my best to get there.

Are you sure you don't pass? Women usually look twice at a man in the undergarment area.
Hugs,
Jillieann

Yes I am sure. But the shawl and wig helped I guess.

One thing:  if you think that there might even be a remote chance that having children might be important to you in the future, bank some sperm now.  You may decide that isn't necessary, but do think about it before making that decision.  Better to consider and reject than later regret not having considered...

EEEEPS no no no way!  at 43 older when the transition is done. I won't be wanting to be a mom. No need to deposit anything at the SB te-he.

Spacial and A, yes I think you are both right.  But it is in my nature to feel bad about things that effect others.
On the other hand. I am going to do this my mind is made up.

Hugs All
Simone

[Colleen Ireland]

EEEEPS no no no way!  at 43 older when the transition is done. I won't be wanting to be a mom. No need to deposit anything at the SB te-he.

Well, I thought it was worth saying, glad to hear you've given it some thought, lol.  43 is actually not old, my brother had his daughter at that age (well, his wife... never mind).  And I'm 54, just starting out, and darn RIGHT I expect to be pretty - just wander over to the Pre-Transition Pictures thread and check out Lacy Lynne's pics.

[Jillieann Rose]

Oh Colleen, you are pretty already.

Simone, I think your dad is trying very hard to understand and be supportive.
Do give him time to accept you as his daughter and the lose of his son.
I wouldn't push, just let him see how happy you are, being you.
It is a hard road for us at times but it isn't easy for ones who love us either.

Hugs,
Jillieann