Starting over! Innies&Outties!

[Colleen Ireland]

I had MY shopping day for makeup today, got a new pair of glasses, too (I don't actually GET them till tomorrow, which is why I'm not wearing them in my avatar photo, which was taken today when I got home).  But... the MAKEUP looks AWESOME!  (well, if I do say so...  )

Got a whole pile of stuff.  Foundation, concealer, blush, highlighter, eyeshadow, mascara, lip liner and gloss, exfoliating scrub, etc.... but when I got home, I discovered the saleslady had FORGOTTEN to include the EYELINER (Grrrr!)  At least I remember which one it was, so I can pick it up tomorrow. (sigh).  But it feels GREAT to finally have the right makeup... (even though the purse is a lot lighter now...  )

[annette]

Hi Colleen

It suits you very well.
you look totally different without glasses, should contact lenses not be somrthing for you?
I like the new avatar.

love annette

[Colleen Ireland]

Thanks very much, Annette.  No, unfortunately I can't wear contacts.  For one thing, I need bifocals, which in contacts are rather difficult/expensive (not impossible, but...).  But also I have a condition in which the cornea (or rather the epithelium, the covering on the cornea) has a tendency to want to come off.  When this happens, it's VERY painful, and in the past I've had to go to the hospital to get a patch to let it heal.  I control it using a cream 3x/week, and it's pretty much in check for a long time now.  I wouldn't want to make it worse by wearing contacts.  But yes, I do agree, sans-lunettes is a very good look for me.  The avatar picture could be a pic of one of my younger sisters, I don't think I flatter myself too much by saying that.  Only she's bigger in the boob department, lol (I wear breastforms currently, but have lots of hope for when I go on HRT...)

[spacial]

You do look pretty impressive there Colleen

[Jillieann Rose]

My wife occasionally wears contact lenses. She to needs bifocals.
But she just bought some reading glasses that she keeps with her.
Seems to work well for her.

Doesn't sound like that would work for you Colleen but maybe some of the other girls can use the tip.
Hope you got your glasses and are happy with them today.

Hugs,
Jillieann

[spacial]

My wife occasionally wears contact lenses. She to needs bifocals.
But she just bought some reading glasses that she keeps with her.
Seems to work well for her.

Doesn't sound like that would work for you Colleen but maybe some of the other girls can use the tip.
Hope you got your glasses and are happy with them today.

Hugs,
Jillieann

I've heard of people doing that. Sadly as Colleen has detached retina, contact lens' are not an option.

[Colleen Ireland]

I've heard of people doing that. Sadly as Colleen has detached retina, contact lens' are not an option.

No, it's not that, thank God!  Just a small problem with the covering on the cornea, probably hereditary, but it stays pretty well under control these days.  Still, I do know I don't dare try contacts...

[Glenn]

Hi Everyone, sorry for not posting for a couple days.

Life has been tossing curve balls at me in the form of my sister.  The sister that I have always felt closest too has suddenly become rather homophobic and antagonistic. While at the same time unwilling to even listen long enough to be told what GID is or the difference between homosexuality and transsexuality. To make matters worse she has chosen to vent her feelings on the topic to many people in the family and our circle of friends of the family.  Most of whom were not aware of my condition. Resulting in a lot of phone calls to myself and my mom.

Being outed is something I would have liked to do myself, In a proper way when I am ready. Not in a negative way behind my back.

So I did attempt to speak with her in person but she avoided me and the resulting conversation took place on the phone.  I have to use the word conversation lightly. Most conversations are two sided.  This was more of a ultimatum. It went something like this.  "You are my brother, you will never be my sister.  If you are gay seek help for it.  I'm sure it's available. But regardless of what you do to yourself. You will never be my sister or a woman.  Call me when you come to your senses but not until then."

Of course this has caused a ripple effect and I am afraid that this years family Christmas will probably be a quiet and sad affair.  My parents have reassured me that they still support my decision. Some of the distant family and family friends have also shown support, and one lady in particular was very vocal against the way my sister is acting.

How am dealing with all this? I'm shocked ,stunned, pained, I feel betrayed and outcast by that sister that was always close to me. But my resolve has not changed.  Her opinion will change or it won't. But I have already lived 43 years hating my body knowing something was wrong and knowing I am female inside.  For me there is no option I am changing because I would rather not live them continue to live stuck in this body.

I have told this to most of my family and the people that have called. Most agree that I must do what will make my life correct for me and make me happy with myself.

Bigotry is a disease it's a mental illness. 

We're not sick we're trying to live.

People who can't except us for what we are. Probably aren't very happy with themselves.

Hugs all of you and Merry Christmas
Simone.

[Jillieann Rose]

Simone I am so sorry to hear that your sister is being so spiteful and unwilling to talk.
She must really feel hurt inside to try to change your mind that way.
Remember she has lost who she has alway though was her her big brother.
Hang in there sis she still may come around when she stops grieving.
I does sound like a large portion of your family and close friend are accepting and even defending you.
Be thankful that you have family and friends so caring.
It maybe a better Christmas than you are expecting.
I do know what it's like to have loved once not accept you and think you are crazy.
So I am sending you some big long hugs sis.
Jillieann

[Cindy]

@Colleen
Honey are looking good. Very nice picture. You have moved so far so quickly, well done. Nothing wrong with nice feminine glasses. Guys do make passes to girls in glasses.


@Simone
So sorry to hear this, particularly as she seemed accepting at first. As for the 'if you are Gay seek help for it' sounds as if she may have been got at by a fundamentalist idiot. My sister accepts me as her sister, but has also asked that she needs to talk to me as her brother as well. I totally accept this, we are in different countries and she has been through a very hard time and does need the brother she knew to be there for her. I'm all the family she has left. Her husband died this time last year, our parents are dead and our younger sister suicided years ago. I have no problems being there for her.

Sorry Simone I hope the family ripple will be a tide of understanding for you.


Love to you both

Cindy

[annette]

Colleen

I'm looking forward for a avatar with new glasses and I think you'll become a very pretty woman on the outside ( inside you're allready beautifull)

Simone,
maybe it's just the shock of the news for your sister, like jillieann said, she is losing her brother, and time can do a lot.
But, it's your life and you have the right to be happy in the way you want whether your sister like it or not, you can't make decisions about her life and she is not the right person to make decisions about your life especially when it will have such an impact on your mental health, I can't image that someone should be happy when you are depressive.
At least with the rest of the family your coming out was done before you know and most of them support you.
keep on going girl, you're on track now and nobody can stop you, I'll hope your sister will think it over and change her opinion.

love you girls
annette

[Colleen Ireland]

Colleen

I'm looking forward for a avatar with new glasses and I think you'll become a very pretty woman on the outside ( inside you're allready beautifull)

Aww... thanks, sweetie!  Here it is.

[spacial]

No, it's not that, thank God!  Just a small problem with the covering on the cornea, probably hereditary, but it stays pretty well under control these days.  Still, I do know I don't dare try contacts...

I do apologise.

As someone who can't see anything without specs I do understand.

And your latest phot demonstrates that you still look good with them on

[Glenn]

How to help yourself feel better and put a smile on faces for Christmas.  101

step 1) Got up and spent time reading here.  You all give me reason to smile every one of you. Even the ones that never post in this thread. 

step 2) Baked a rum cake, used a full 26 oz of rum in it and topped it with a fresh cream and egg icing.
step 3) Baked a carrot cake with real carrots and cream cheese - whipped cream topping.

step 4) Spent an hour in the bathroom pampering myself, I smell like a million dollars and look okay.

step 5) Get back online and WISH ALL MY FRIENDS A MARRY CHRISTMAS, hope all of your wishes come true and that you have both a safe and productive time with your friends and family.

Hugs Simone

[Colleen Ireland]

step 2) Baked a rum cake, used a full 26 oz of rum in it and topped it with a fresh cream and egg icing.

That's the most important one, right there, lol.  And have some nice rum-laced eggnog while eating it.  You also give us many reasons to smile each day.  And I wish for you the same - a very Merry Christmas and a most Happy and Prosperous New Year, full of fun things and wonderful changes.  There will be challenges, and dark days, and tears no doubt, never expect otherwise.  But there will also be much happiness and wonderful times.  I'm sure that one day soon we will go shopping together.  You just keep being you, and wonderful things will happen.

[Glenn]

Disclaimer (You may not want to read this)


Lonely

I'm a strange animal, I've spent so many years avoiding groups of people large family gatherings anywhere that I might somehow slip and reveal myself.

First phone call:
Yet I sit here in tears this morning. My oldest sister called asking that I not come to morning the morning Christmas breakfast, because my other sister would be there and they felt that a disruption like happened at moms place in front of the grand children would be negative.  So I drove my parents to my sisters place then came home and await a phone call to pick them up.  While the other sister enjoys what she has always enjoyed. Christmas with the family.

Second phone call:
Mom - Dad and I were invited to a long time family friends for dinner tonight. She's been very excepting of my situation. Unfortunately the call was to tell me that her husband objects to my attending because of my Queer state. She has asked me not to tell my parents in fear that they might not attend and to just excuse myself saying I didn't feel like it.
In other words "don't cause waves."

It's good to cry and let this out. I've never let myself cry like this before. I've never cried because I was being pushed away before having spent my life running away.

Having opened up and come out seems to have impacted everyone around me.  What happiness I have gained seems to have given others pause. What release I have achieved has caused others to withdraw.

So I've taken an extra Prozac turned on the TV and for the first time in months silently contemplated how much better off the world would be with out me around.  I don't know if it would or not but I have come to one conclusion. My mom and dad seem to have excepted this. The everyone else are susceptible to the influence of others. So I was a self made outcast and I've come full circle.
Now I'm out and I'm an outcast by many of my loved ones.

Merry Christmas all

Simone.

[spacial]

Unfortunately the call was to tell me that her husband objects to my attending because of my Queer state. She has asked me not to tell my parents in fear that they might not attend and to just excuse myself saying I didn't feel like it.
In other words "don't cause waves."

I do hope you told your parents. It is completely unacceptable that these people think they can come between you.

Quite frankly, they sound like terrible people.

As for your sister, well, sadly, that's family. But outsiders have no right doing this.

[Colleen Ireland]

So I've taken an extra Prozac turned on the TV and for the first time in months silently contemplated how much better off the world would be with out me around.  I don't know if it would or not but I have come to one conclusion. My mom and dad seem to have excepted this. The everyone else are susceptible to the influence of others. So I was a self made outcast and I've come full circle.
Now I'm out and I'm an outcast by many of my loved ones.

Simone, sweetie, PLEASE don't think like this, and don't over-do the Prozac.  I've been down that road, and trust me, it's NOT where you want to go.  Yes, there will be some bad stuff to get through, and YES there will be some tears, but honey, trust me, you WILL get through it, and lots of people here can tell you there is a lot of happiness on the other side.  If you decide to question your transition, that's one thing, but do NOT question your right to be here.  There is NO question about that.

[Glenn]

I'm not questioning my transition, I have always questioned my existence. If God exists he has a hell of a strange sense of humor. So many of us hurting for so long because we're born what we can't be, inside. 
Then when we finally step forward and push our selves out of the dark and cold. There are those that stand ready to push us back in. Normally these are the people we care about.
I intend on transitioning. I might someday be alone in the world because of it.
But I am hoping that those that turn away are replaced by some of greater fortitude.
I hope to find a family of like minded people that I will see in reality and pray that the declining years of my life prove to be more pleasant then the years to this point.

To be honest today I was blind sided my siblings and friends. I'll get over it, I'm sure many of you have experienced the same at some point.

Hugs Simone

[Colleen Ireland]

I might someday be alone in the world because of it.

You'll never be alone in the world, Simone.  You have us, if no-one else.  And we love you for who you are.  And you will have lots of other friends, and maybe even significant others.  You'll never be alone.

Gerry & The Pacemakers – You'll Never Walk Alone (2:27)