Starting over! Innies&Outties!

[Renate]

I admire your spunk, Simone. Don't worry, you'll get there.

You have discovered that transition is great for separating the wheat from the chaff .
Your brother-in-law sounds like a keeper.

[Jillieann Rose]

Oh Simone,
You made me laugh again with your royalty thing.
Thanks I needed it.

Jillieann

Thank you Mrs Erocse.
You often cheer many of us up when we need it.
And share with us when we are having problems and you help us not feel so alone.
Thanks.
Jillieann

[Colleen Ireland]

My father (an American) had a different take on longevity - he's always said that if nearly everything you eat contains preservatives, then eventually you'll be too well-preserved to die!  He's still with us, BTW (and I am NOT looking forward to coming out to him and my mother - they're Republicans...  )

[Glenn]

I've not been posting much for the last 3 or so days, because I have been very sick. Was running a high fever couldn't lay down to sleep because of the philem. So I ended up sitting in the living room. Sleeping on a chair. Yesterday I went to the MD and got some antibiotics, I'm still running a fever but I feel a bit better and maybe able to sleep in a bed tonight.

I hope I feel 100% by Monday since that will be my first group meeting at Torchlight Gender Support.  Once I goto a meeting or two at Torchlight Gender Support, I'll look into Gender Journeys at the Sherbourne Health Centre in Toronto.  Still waiting on word from the CAMH but that can take 6 weeks and maybe more since things started rolling right in the Christmas season.

On an Up side today I got my flats that I ordered online from the US.  They fit perfect in fact I can even wear socks in them. That made my day.  I wore them around the apartment most of the afternoon. Just felt nice and yeah I do have a thing for shoes.

I missed you all Colleen, Jillieann, Renate, spacial, annette and Mrs Erocse as well as everyone else that I see here at Susan's. I wish I could hug you all. Right after I lose the cold since I don't want to pass it to you!

Hugs
Simone

[Colleen Ireland]

Aww... {{{{{{{{{Simone}}}}}}}}}}  <--- hugs

Sorry to hear that, sweetie.  My wife's been sick today, also.  Something going around, definitely.  I was sick on Christmas day.  Hope you feel better soon.  You will SO benefit from the support group!  I haven't attended that one, but it was recommended to me by a friend, it's just that there's a closer one in Hamilton.  I went to the Hamilton group the other night (Wednesday) for the first time since starting Gender Journeys, and it was great to see everyone again.  It was like coming home.  And everyone was glad to see me, and they all complimented me on how I've changed in the past 11 weeks.  Can't wait for the next meeting, which is Jan 12.  That'll be the day after my CAMH appointment, and I have my next therapy session that day also - basically I'll go straight from the therapist to the support group.  Can't wait!

Anyway, you're gonna love the group, I think.  It is SO good to be able to talk with others like us, in person, and get REAL hugs (and give them).  Can't wait for you to tell us how it went.  Hooray about the shoes, too!

[spacial]

Simone.

Hope you have a wonderful time over the ner'day and a great New Year

[annette]

Hi Simone

I'll hope you recover soon, antibiotics should help within 48 hours, than you must see some improvement, so just a little timne left and you feel a bit better.

I sure appreciated your e-hugs, honey, and it's a matter of fact when you don't write for a while....we miss you too.

Hey sweety.....a very,very happy newyear for you.

lots of hugs( and there is a big one in it)

annette

[JosephKT]

Your story is amazing is in sweet honestly, power and sadness.  I don't have much to say, being on the other end of the spectrum, non-op and closeted to my family, but you are an amazing person.

[justmeinoz]

Good to hear things turned out well for you.   

As for the drinks, remember" tis the season to get prostrate" dear.   

[Glenn]

Recently I have witnessed a lot of things that I never experienced, before coming out and admitting that I have GID to my family and friends. That has spurred me forward to read of other peoples similar experiences.

A re occurring theme among us all seems to be that those around us feel that we the Transgendered MTF & FTM community suffer from selfishness and self centered emotions.
So I went ahead and researched the very meaning of the word "Selfishness" .

(Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself; and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. In that it necessarily connotes a disregard for others, it is beyond the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.)

Question, does that sound like you and I?
Answer well maybe depending on point of view I suppose.

Myself, I spent 43 years hiding who I am from the world because I did not wish to be an embarrassment to my family. With no regard for what it was doing to myself mentally and physically. One could call it a state of self depreciating Altruism. 

Why then am I maybe selfish?
After 43 years of living my life in a state of self depreciating Altruism that left me mentally depressed to the point of impairment. As a matter of survival I learned to be mildly selfish!

Mildly selfish?
That's what I'm calling it. My selfishness is mild form of the concept of Selfishness. The reasons I have for my selfishness is survival. I cannot continue to survive unless I can thrive.  It's like planting a seed giving it a time to geminate then depriving it of water.
The plant dies the roots dry up it fails to thrive there for it fails to survive.
If the plant could talk and if it demanded water?  Would you call it selfish?

Which brings us to the next logical step. Are we truly selfish for wanting to survive and thrive or are they selfish for not excepting us for what we are and need to be in order to survive?

Oh ho role reversal going on.
In my case one of my two sisters is the only person in my family that has issue with me and is willing to make waves for everyone to drive her point home. Remember ((Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself; and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. In that it necessarily connotes a disregard for others, it is beyond the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.))

So next time someone says you are being selfish.  Tell them to go look in the mirror because clearly the pot is calling the kettle black!

Hugs all Simone.

[Double_Rainbow]

I honestly think its important to have some selfishness.  If I didn't start thinking about what I really needed to do and saying, "OK!  Its time for me, I'm done putting on the act for the rest of society!"  then I would probably still be doing that, putting on a pretty little show outside and then feeling like complete and utter s**t on the inside. 

Granted, I know its important to not let the confidence turn to cockiness, otherwise you start driving people away!  And that's the last thing I think we all would want to do.  Simone, you seem like a very logical and caring woman, I wish your sister could just accept who you are...or at the least not go out of her way to belittle you.

*hugs*
Rini

[spacial]

the Transgendered MTF & FTM community suffer from selfishness and self centered emotions.

One of those irrefutable arguments really.

But if anyone thinks transgender people are selfish and self centred, they need only look at Susans'. One of the behavours that is rarely seen here is selfishness.

Still, it's a position that I would not bother to dispute. Simply because it is such a childish and self centred thing to say.

[Colleen Ireland]

Simone, I agree 100%.  However, in one sense, the label "self-centered" could properly be applied to us, merely because there is SO much to learn and do, it takes pretty much everything we have to succeed.  That is why it is truly unfortunate for those of us who have long-term partners, those partners really get the short end of the stick.  I mused to my therapist once that I had no idea how I had managed to be in such deep denial all those years, and she said I was just doing what was necessary to survive.  And that I still am, but the definition of "survival" has changed, and so have my needs in that regard.  The thing that's hard for our loved ones to accept is that this isn't something we're doing "to" them, it's just something we NEED to do, for our very survival.  It's sad when they can't join us on the journey, but that doesn't make us "bad".

[Jillieann Rose]

Simone,
I to have wrestled with the selfishness thing allot and still do.
On the other-side I have said and believe that I would die for my family.
The problem is I almost did. 
And now that I am doing things to survive should I feel guilty?
I do keep playing the what ifs.
What if what I effects my grandchildren in a negative way?
I do not want to hurt them nor do I want to hurt my spouse or my children.
These are things I have to wrestle with.
Many of us have tried to fight (ourselves) GID and it just doesn't work.
So we doing what can be called <B>self preservation</B>.
The term <i>self preservation in its simplest definition describes both the set of behaviors by means of which individuals attempt to preserve their own existence and the psychical processes that establish these behaviors.
It is a basic instinct that we have.
So what we are doing is literally fighting for our survival.
And I am here to help you Simone, Colleen and other, here a Susan's survive and more.
I have been greatly help myself from my family at Susan's.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[JohnR]

Your sister's annoyed because you are getting attention and you will now be competition for her. Enjoy the jealousy, hell, you could even tell her it's all her fault for dressing you up when you were little!

Allow the lady inside you to emerge and have the time of your life.

[annette]

Hi Simone

I don't think we are selfish just for the fact that we don't want to hide our inner true anymore.
Look at yourselve, how you've support your parents for a long time. Thank God they are supporting you now.
How you care about other persons feelings and now that others can't handle your feelings than you are selfish, I think that will say more about the other than about you.
Look at this site, how we try to support eachother, we do take care.
I would think we are suffering of altuism rather than selfishness.
When I divorced from my wife because of gid and she didn't want to live with another woman it becames clear that the whole  family looked at me as the guilty one because with me "there was something wrong "( like i did have a choice)
My ex didn't want me to meet, espacialy when she had a new bf, so when my son graduated I was not invited because my e wife was there with her husband.
While I was the one who helped him with his thesis.
It taked a lot of tears, believe me, and nobody at that time (except my little sister) did give me any comfort because they thinked I made a choice they did'nt like so it was my own fault.
The only thing you can say about us is that we are persisting in our believe and we'll keep on fighting till we reached wat we want.
And you are defenitely not selfish but a warm and lovable woman with a selfish angry sister.
So don't doubt at yourselve but please stay the way you are coz there is nothing wrong with you.

lots of love my dear sister

annette

[Mrs Erocse]

Simone,

Your sister is selfish to not want you to be happy. She is not trying to understand.

I don't get why people just don't try to understand. They lie, they turn thier back on good, loving people, they themselves are not perfect. It makes me angry how people are. ( Not everyone just the arrogant, stupid, selfish people).

I wish thier was a magic pill that made them just not matter. Erocse's sister and brothers along with thier husband and wives are bigots. It hurts me to see how they hurt her. It is hard for me to speak about it. I know exactly how you must feel. I am sorry that people are so ugly sometimes.

On the brighter side, so many of our family, has been wonderful and accepting. We went to see them over the holidays and took photos of family and friends. I posted them on facebook for the world to see. I titled the album Unconditional Love. I want the bigots to have the opportunity to see that they are the minority and that they are the only ugly in this world. 

@ Annette,
I am sorry that you had to go thru this all too.
Much Love and Hugs.

Patty

[JaimeJJ]

I just wanted to say Simone, that I enjoyed reading all of your posts on this thread, and everybody elses on here too.  Gave me a lot of hope and I will continue to follow

[spacial]

It hurts me to see how they hurt her. It is hard for me to speak about it. I know exactly how you must feel. I am sorry that people are so ugly sometimes.

Keep reminding Roxy that it hurts most of us as well. She doesn't deserve that and they don't deserve her.

[Glenn]

My First Four Steps Before birth.

Catchy title huh?
I'm going with it because of how I have begun to think about all this.
Becoming a woman is so important to me.  It has been a life time dream both waking and sleeping. One that I truly believed was totally unattainable.
So I've classed it as an event tantamount to BIRTH and this whole period of waiting and preparation (Dr's visits, Group support, Gender therapy, HRT, SRS everything that goes along with it!) Will be like time spent growing again from nothing.

The old Boy that I was will no longer be when I am re born a woman.

Susan's Place and people that live here have helped me so much with defining my feelings and setting my goals for the first 4 steps before Brith!

Realization - Check, I admitted to myself that I am not what I appear to be and will never be happy acting as him.

Confirmation - Check, I'm not alone, there are people like me not only mtf but ftm and we are all okay. We're normal people and a lot of people except us for who and what we are. 

Inspiration - CHECK, wow that was so easy I looked at the before and after pictures posted by so many of you. Now I know with work and commitment I to can change myself from shrek to a reasonable and passable looking lady.

Transformation. Working on it!

I am so in love with you all. I want to adopt you as sisters brother cousins family

oh and PS the FTM boys are all so cute. To bad they're all so young.
Oh listen I'm being a tart! I love it.

PPS

Simone,

Your sister is selfish to not want you to be happy. She is not trying to understand.

I don't get why people just don't try to understand. They lie, they turn thier back on good, loving people, they themselves are not perfect. It makes me angry how people are. ( Not everyone just the arrogant, stupid, selfish people).

I wish thier was a magic pill that made them just not matter. Erocse's sister and brothers along with thier husband and wives are bigots. It hurts me to see how they hurt her. It is hard for me to speak about it. I know exactly how you must feel. I am sorry that people are so ugly sometimes.

On the brighter side, so many of our family, has been wonderful and accepting. We went to see them over the holidays and took photos of family and friends. I posted them on facebook for the world to see. I titled the album Unconditional Love. I want the bigots to have the opportunity to see that they are the minority and that they are the only ugly in this world. 

@ Annette,
I am sorry that you had to go thru this all too.
Much Love and Hugs.

Patty

Erocse was another total inspiration for me.  Tell her! She looks fab!!!

love hugs
Simone. 

PPPS Colleen, Jillieann where are you?