How do you guys plan to cope with the holidays this year?

[Tad]

I realize that is likely going to be a tough time for the many of us.. so share your action plans to try and keep spirits up!

My holidays essentially start after I hand a paper in today. I go home after that, where I will be for a month - take a few days that I'll becoming back to write an exam near Christmas. I'm out to my parents and to my friends at home so that's not a huge deal. However I got a few issues facing me. Since I've come out - I don't know who my parents have told.. I know they told a few people that I'm not to pleased about, because they told them in a very poor manor. My parents are going to expect me to be going to church with them, which I normally enjoy - but since my parents have outed me there to several people (I'm not sure how much further this info has spread)... I'm not really looking forward to heading there. Same with relatives, I have no idea who they have told and who they haven't and I'll def be seeing lots of relatives over the holidays. And even if they haven't told anyone it's potentially going to come up as my parents have been trying to use correct pronouns and such. (good for them).. but could mean an awkward situation.

My plan is to just ride it out. Not draw attention to myself, and hope nobody decides to confront me on this. Likely won't be the case.. but whatever.

What issues are you guys facing this holiday season?

[tekla]

Between all the holiday shows and my GF doing retail the 25th is just the day off we get between the 24th and the 26th.  However in California there are two most wonderful things to do.  One is that the 24th is the last night of Las Posadas, which is one of the most beautiful and community orientated religious deals I've ever been a part of.  And of course the Mexican-American tradition of the tamales party after the Posadas.  Around these parts you have to order your tamales weeks before if you hope to get any that day.  So it's pretty much Mexican Hot Coco, Brandy and tamales, sleep in and get ready for the 26th and the run-up to NYE.

When I was younger, (much) we all used to take off very early on the 26th and go to camping and climbing in Death Valley through NYE, (which cumulated in our annual Don Juan NYE Unusual Occurrences in the Desert party), that was also a pretty good way to cope.  Back then I would spend most of Xmas getting my camping/climbing gear ready to go.

[Bahzi]

I truly dislike the holidays, I find them depressing as hell.  My mom, brother, and I typically spend major holidays with my mom's uber religious, conservative, and judgmental family every year.   I'm not out to them; if I were I wouldn't be welcome (and that would truly break my heart, lemme tell you ), but they still manage to make things wholly unpleasant for me.   In outright defiance and denial of my appearance, my grandma makes comments about some guy 'sweeping me off my feet' and how pretty I'd look in a wedding dress.  It's emasculating like whoa and no amount of awesome deserts and spiked fruit punch can make up for it.

My plan this year (and it worked for Thanksgiving already) is to just work through the holidays.  Since I'm employed by a kennel and our busiest times are holidays, I'd most likely have to work on them anyways, I just make extra sure they schedule me those days during the times the family get togethers take place ( "oh damn, sorry mom, I have to work Christmas too, what a bitch!" )   It's holiday pay, I like my co-workers infinitely more, and we have pot luck dinners those days too, so it's a great alternative.

[Squirrel698]

Christmas is going to be very tough on me this year.  I'm accustomed to big family parties but I wasn't invited to Thanksgiving and I doubt I will be invited to Christmas.  I feel like an orphan, rejected and alone.  I did try and reach out to some relatives telling them I wanted to be invited but was shot down at every turn.  I promised my Mother I would call her on Christmas and I am already dreading how awful that conversation is going to be. 

On top of that my partner wants to drive to Michigan for Christmas and stay at his parents house for 5 days.  This is a horrible idea for a number of reasons.  To begin with we were just there for Thanksgiving and it didn't go well at all.  My autistic boys get very uncomfortable when pulled out of their accustomed environment.  So all they do is watch television and fight with each other.  My partner's parents getting up in years and they don't know how to deal with that.  So I am literally stuck in that house refereeing two insanely bored little boys.  We could take them out but with their autism it's very difficult not to mention there is nothing to do in Michigan!  Thirdly I personally don't feel comfortable there in the least.  I never have but since my big revelation it's only gotten worse.  People think it's just best to ignore the elephant in the room and instead pussy foot around me.  I hate it so much.

Coming home from there my partner and I were so stressed that we had one of the worst fights we ever had.  It was awful.  I flatly told him that if he really wants to go back to his parents for Christmas I will not be joining him.   In a surprisingly twist he actually agreed with me and admitted that he could see the reality of the situation.  Just that he didn't want it to be that way.  However even if we do all stay home anything that goes wrong will be blamed completely on me.

Frankly at this point I just wish it was January now.  I suppose the only way to get through this is to just take one day at a time and look towards a better future.  Oh and vent randomly at you people because that seems to be the way I've been coping as of late.  lol

[tekla]

If you want to get a spot in a nice 4 star resort for Xmas you better be making reservations in June.  Why?  Cause they are booked solid.  Why?  As it turns out lots, and lots, and lots of people don't want to spend that holiday with their 'loved ones.'   Get over that 'cult of family' and Xmas gets a lot better.

[Elijah3291]

I'm excited for christmas.  I'm out to my family and I can be myself around them.

my mom even hand sewed me a new christmas stocking with my new name on it!

[Robert Scott]

Squirrel ... I am so with you ... I told my parents I was trans just before Thanksgiving and my mother hasn't spoken to me since.  My dad &I talked on Thanksgiving but it was very strained.  My brothers are fine with it all.  But Christmas will be the first time I will have seen the family.  I has said to my wife that I don't want to go home ... and she is supportive of me ... I don't know what I am going to do.

[Squirrel698]

I'm so sorry to hear that dude.  It really sucks, I know. 

My best advice is to hold your wife close.  She's the only family you really need.  Also cool that your brother's are on your side.  Possibly you could have a little party of your own at your place with your brothers and the two of you.

[insanitylives]

Suck it up, and wear the girl clothes.

(christmast party at a church. Can't pull off boy there, not when my mother takes every moment to emphasize "my daughter" -.-)

[Robert Scott]

I'm so sorry to hear that dude.  It really sucks, I know. 

My best advice is to hold your wife close.  She's the only family you really need.  Also cool that your brother's are on your side.  Possibly you could have a little party of your own at your place with your brothers and the two of you.

That would be nice but I live in Minnesota and my family - brothers & parents live in Kansas.  Currently we are planning on going ... as we usually do .. but I don't know if I want the stress

[tekla]

Best advice is don't go if you don't want to.  You are under no obligation to be miserable unless someone is paying (heavily) for it.

[Mr.Rainey]

Try to spend it with my dad. The rest of my family will be legal naming me all day which grinds my gears. I don't want to be a dick,

[Nikolai_S]

Holidays are typically equally fun and stressful for me. The stressful part is dealing with any part of my family other than my mom, stepdad, and aunt. And being pressured to look more feminine for formal events like church. But this year I won't be near my grandmother, because she's insensitive to my transition. A, my mom won't have any of that. B, she's been looking for excuses for a while to avoid my grandmother's high strung attitude around the holidays. Therefore, no big family event, and the holidays get that much better.

[jet3]

@ Tad: Hey man, with the whole church thing, I completely under stand where you're coming from! My step-dad is the worship leader and my mom is head of childrens ministires at the church I grew up in. I was always really active in church growing up so everyone there knows  me...I go to a pretty big church. I've been on T for 14 months now, so obvious changes have occured lol My mom told quite a few people at church who she is close to including the pastor. She didn't do it with any bad intentions, just sharing and looking for people to lean on in a difficult time (this happened when I first came out). She is super supportive of me! I was really worried about about how the people at my church would treat me when I went back for easter, I have also been back there probably 4 times since. Everyone has been awesome, extremely nice and they don't treat many any differently than they ever did. Maybe I got lucky...I'm not sure? but it might not be as bad or as awkward as you think, it might go pretty well! Good luck man! I hope and everyone else has an awesome holiday, everyone deserves it!

Parker

[Al James]

I m working the 24th 25th and 26th nights so i get to sleep most of the day. Other than that it should just be my wife and my mum on Christmas Day- even my son is working this year.

[Jeh]

I'm out to my parents and siblings, and while they currently think I'm taking a step back from transitioning (I am taking more time to think about it, but still want to go through with it) they are very supportive about it and accept me.

No church, my siblings and my dad go but my mom doesn't so I'll stay home with her. I might like to go to church but I haven't seen the people there for a while and I don't want to explain why I'm dressing like a guy. So probably won't go.

I will see all of the family on my dad's side though. They've seen me in guys clothes on one occasion, but they haven't seen me in total guy mode and binding so we'll see how that goes.

Around the family I'm still referred to as daughter, sister, girlname and she. I'll ask them to change it once I start passing consistently.

[Electric Wizard]

It's going to be a little more interesting for me this year. I plan to tell my family about being trans this Christmas, since it's one of the times where they're together. I don't know how they're going to take it. Even though they're quite liberal, it's not really something that's ever come up so I don't have an idea. We will see

Viktor

[owl]

My whole family knows me as Damian now, and they accept me for who i am. Last year was a bit interesting because my girlfriend at the time was the only person to call me Damian and my family all thought that was strange heh..

[Tad]

@ Tad: Hey man, with the whole church thing, I completely under stand where you're coming from! My step-dad is the worship leader and my mom is head of childrens ministires at the church I grew up in. I was always really active in church growing up so everyone there knows  me...I go to a pretty big church. I've been on T for 14 months now, so obvious changes have occured lol My mom told quite a few people at church who she is close to including the pastor. She didn't do it with any bad intentions, just sharing and looking for people to lean on in a difficult time (this happened when I first came out). She is super supportive of me! I was really worried about about how the people at my church would treat me when I went back for easter, I have also been back there probably 4 times since. Everyone has been awesome, extremely nice and they don't treat many any differently than they ever did. Maybe I got lucky...I'm not sure? but it might not be as bad or as awkward as you think, it might go pretty well! Good luck man! I hope and everyone else has an awesome holiday, everyone deserves it!

Parker

Thanks Parker! I've always dressed as a guy there.. alot of the church members thought I was a guy til awkward things would come up.. and one by one they would find out I wasn't. I'm sure there are still some that think I'm a guy - actually there are cuz I was getting he'd by people last time I was there (not out with my parents yet). However it's a small congregation.. 120 people now maybe? And they are baptists! *Hellfireeee!* And I know they told some people.. gah! If my parents weren't trying to cover this up so much.. I wouldn't be suprirised if they had the church praying for my soul every sunday. DX I've told a few people there myself.. because they were friends and they are fine. I donno.. I might just cxome in late, and leave early so I can avoid talking to people - cuz I really do like going to church.

Anyhow, what denomonation are we talking about with your church parker? How big is the congregation.. imagine it's a bit easier with a larger group of people.

[LordKAT]

Turns out I have to visit hell ( also known as family christmas). I have an escape plan already figured out but not much else.