Difficult situation with friend

[tvc15]

I've come out to pretty much all of my friends, and never elicited any negative responses. But I'm worried about how one of my closest female friends will take the news. I had an experience a few months ago that is giving me second thoughts about the whole thing.

It was at her birthday party. Somehow the conversation turned to one of her friends who happens to be FTM. My friend was uncomfortable in his presence because he admitted to being attracted to her and because her parents disapproved of his gender expression. It seemed like she personally was sort of okay with him, but maybe she was just using those two excuses to make herself feel better about not agreeing with this guy's identity. As you can see, this puts me in a tricky situation. She's my friend and I really want it to stay that way. I've been attracted to her since we first met, but I wouldn't dare make her uncomfortable by admitting it because what's the point? So maybe that'd help my case, but maybe not. Until now I had a solid game plan for every person I've come out to, but I'm really afraid that if I do this it'll be the end of our relationship. I mean, I just want us to be friends. That is all I need. She's one of the coolest people I know.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can say?

[Poseidon]

Well, I say go for it and come out to her just like your other friends. If she's really that cool of a person and values you as a friend, she won't throw away your relationship because of your decision to be yourself. I mean, if you want to be addressed as your preferred gender, she's going to have to know at least that much.
Plus, admitting to a friend that you have feelings for them can make things awkward regardless of being FTM (even if that attributed to that specific situation, it seems more like the parents that had the issue with gender).

Good luck, dude. :]

[Alyssa M.]

She's my friend and I really want it to stay that way.

Is she really your friend? Or is she friends with the person you're trying to be in order to keep her around? If you are hiding important things about yourself (like being trans), then you'll always be in a lose-lose situation, because you'll never be able to trust that people actually like you.

...

But I do have a sneaking suspicion that you've got a little crush.

[jet3]

Hey man, The one thing I always told myself when coming out to my friends, is that if this person is truely my friend then they are going to accept me and love me no matter what. but it is important for you to tell her. I'm sure she would rather hear it from you than from someone else. and honestly, I think it's going to bother you until you get it over with. Just let her know that this is what you need to do for yourself to be happy and let her know how important her friendship is to you. Good luck bro!

Parker

[xAndrewx]

Man, I have to agree with what they said. If she is your friend then she won't let that ruin the friendship and if she isn't, then is that really the type of "friend" you want to have?

[Cindy]

Hi,
I got the same vibes as Alyssa, are you wanting to be friends or more than that, is there a bit of a crush? Sexuality and gender in friendship is only an issue if people want a personal relationship. There are heaps of guys who are friends with woman who they have no sexual interest in, indeed they often end up going to the wedding as friends of the bride etc. The same with woman being friends with guys. One of my closest friends is a gay guy. I have absolutely no sexual interest in Gay guys. And I think that is why we are close. We can share the secrets that friends share and no one else can. We trust each other. That is the key to friendship. Trust. Can she trust you to be a male friend?

Friendship is very precious.

Cindy

[Mister]

If your friend was uncomfortable w/ the crushing FTM but still considers him a friend, I'd imagine she'll be fine.  I'm sure her parents disapproval at the idea of a transperson being interested in their kid has more to do with it than anything else.

[tvc15]

You all bring up some good points. I do have a crush on her. To be honest, I've never felt so strongly about someone in my life (then again I'm still young). But, it's more important to me that we are friends. I've already seen her deal with the other guy, so I have no reason to think I'd be an exception. And to be honest, what we have is too good for me to put that in jeopardy. I like her enough that I just want her to be happy and comfortable, and if that means I have to forget about being attracted to her, so be it. There's no point in me making things worse by also admitting to liking her so I just won't do it. Like I said in my first post, all I want is for us to stay friends.

I feel a lot better about this now. What with the holiday season right now I won't have a good chance to talk to her for a few weeks yet, but I will as soon as I can.