Is it possible for people to forget you are a transsexual?

[harlee]

Say you have a friend you met about year ago. Your friend has known you all this time as being your true gender and has strongly assumed you were biologically born it to  Then somehow your friend finds out you are a transsexual, so you explain very simpley confessing up to it. After that you never ever talk about it ever again, but your friend still sees you regulary. Do you think your friend would forget over time? Is it possible for people to forget?

I was just wondering, because Im not out at work...everyone I know thinks I am female, while at school...its the opposite and everyone I know thinks I am male! Very messed up stuff  Well anyway, every now and again I will see different people I havent seen before at work. Its all shift stuff and I dont usually work on the weekend. The other day this girl about my age who I hadnt yet met kept calling me a he She then asked me what my name was, I gave her my birth name cause unfortunalety I get called it all the time throughout working and giving a prefered name would have made things awkward just then. Its a super girly name and she started laughing at me before saying... "wait, are you girl?" when I said yes, she tried to make up for being what she thought was offensive to me

She said "oh Im sorry! its just your hair, I saw your short hair and thought you were a guy".  So we kept working, and some manager comes along and asks for a small job to be done. The girl quickly says "he will do it" pointing to me. This was only just about 10 minutes after making some huge fuss about me being a girl 

[rejennyrated]

One word answer

YES

It's happened to me, including bizarrely at least one member of my own family. Admittedly the time scale is more like 30 years than 10 minutes, but still emphatically yes it can indeed happen.

[Miniar]

Yup, happens all the time.
My heathen group does a massive double take when my daughter calls me mom... and then you see their heads slowly realize what it was they forgot. It's hilarious I tell you!

And that's just one group!

[Kev]

Happened to me too.
I told friends, and they were liek "I'm cool with that", and a few month later they seem to have forgotten, so they start calling me "girl" or female pronouns, and when I'm pissed at them they don't get it. And then I tell them, why I'm pissed, and they are like "man, I didn't think you were serious" and I am like: oO
Of course I'm not serious. I just love to make my life complicated and tell friends that I'm trans just for the hell of it. *headdesk*

Yeah.

[Sandy]

In my case, I don't think that my co-workers have forgotten as much as it has become so "old news" that it isn't the first thing on their minds when they meet with me.

Early on it was, "Oh, that is b..., er Sandy, and we have a meeting about X"
Then it was "Oh, we have a meeting with Sandy, (wow, she looks so comfortable now), about X"
Then it became "Oh, we have a meeting with Sandy about X".

Goddess!  I just realized it will have been four years full time come April 2011. 

-Sandy(Have I been on Susan's that long???)

[Raven]

Yup it can happen. I've had it happen to me. My sister in law forgot the day after I told her, it don't matter to me anymore because at the time I thought I was ftm now I know that I'm pretty much genderless :p But yes it does happen that people may forget that you are trans.

[K8]

I'm not sure if they forget or, like with Sandy, it just becomes old news - some minor aspect of your background.

My closest straight male friend was deer-in-the-headlights surprised when I came out to him as transgendered.  He had known me as male for seven years.  Now, after my transition, sometimes he will hold my hand when he's talking to me.  I don't think that he has forgotten than I used to be *what's-his-name*, but he has accepted me so completely as a woman that his memory of me as *him* isn't relevant.

If a co-worker assumes you are male and then learns that you are still female (even though you are a guy), she may 'forget' because the new knowledge doesn't jibe with what she saw - that you are a guy.

(Did I just confuse things?)

- Kate

[Octavianus]

That is very possible, but instead of forgetting it may be more in the likes of just not thinking about it. The past time I have found myself in the situation that I am only reminded when the subject comes up, especially now she gets more and more comfortable with talking about it. It is strange really to think that something you can get so worked up about when you first learn about it becomes so insignificant further down the road. Have any of you felt the same way but about yourselves?

Valerie, that must have been a great private joke, I wonder what the cashier lady must have thought of your laughter.

[Kitty Kat]

Happened to me too.
I told friends, and they were liek "I'm cool with that", and a few month later they seem to have forgotten, so they start calling me "girl" or female pronouns, and when I'm pissed at them they don't get it. And then I tell them, why I'm pissed, and they are like "man, I didn't think you were serious" and I am like: oO
Of course I'm not serious. I just love to make my life complicated and tell friends that I'm trans just for the hell of it. *headdesk*

Yeah.

I deal with people like this a good percent of the time, if I wouldn't bite my tongue I'd hurt alot of feelings..

[Dominick_81]

I'm out to some people at work and a friend and they know I'm trans, yet they still call me by my real name instead of the nickname I like to go by which is Brody,(which is a nickname for my last name) and I told them to call me that instead of my real name and they keep forgetting, and I can't really go by Dominick yet, b/c not everyone knows and my voice gives me away and I'm not sure really if I can pass in real life as a guy. Pictures are different, I can pass in a pic if I fix my hair right, but sometime throughout the day my hair gets messed up and I don't look as much like guy. 

Another thing that really annoys me is that my friend knows I'm trans yet he still has to give me a hug every time he leaves my house. To me that's gay. A guy hugging another guy. He doesn't hug my other friend who's a guy, he gives him a handshake. But then again, the other guy is my friend, not his. But even if they were friends, I don't think they would be hugging each other.   But I know he's hugging me because he see's me a girl still.

[tvc15]

Dominick, I don't think your friend necessarily sees you as a girl. One of my guy friends hugs people regardless of their gender. He would hug my brother, for example, until he told him not to. So just tell him you don't want to hug and it should be okay.

Then again, I don't know this guy, so I might be wrong. But hey, the day he doesn't hug you anymore will be pretty awesome.

Anyway, I've had something similar to this topic happen to me like five years ago. My mom and I were at my brother's elementary school graduation, and we were sitting next to some kid's dad. He started chatting with us, referring to me with male pronouns and calling me "buddy" and stuff. My mom countered with the female pronouns, but this guy wouldn't hear it, heh. He thought I was a boy the entire time, and my own mom couldn't convince him :p

[rejennyrated]

Happened to me too.
I told friends, and they were liek "I'm cool with that", and a few month later they seem to have forgotten, so they start calling me "girl" or female pronouns, and when I'm pissed at them they don't get it. And then I tell them, why I'm pissed, and they are like "man, I didn't think you were serious" and I am like: oO
Of course I'm not serious. I just love to make my life complicated and tell friends that I'm trans just for the hell of it. *headdesk*

Yeah.

Ummm - that sucks. Although I, and most of the others in this thread, were actually meaning people forgetting that you were ever your original gender, which is rather nicer.

You kind of seem to have experienced the reverse, but as your transition progresses I'm sure it will change around for you.

[Debra]

Yes.

Heck, I have friends that knew me BEFORE that when they hang out with me now, they have to remind themselves I'm trans sometimes in certain situations. Kinda funny =)

[Dominick_81]

Dominick, I don't think your friend necessarily sees you as a girl. One of my guy friends hugs people regardless of their gender. He would hug my brother, for example, until he told him not to. So just tell him you don't want to hug and it should be okay.

Then again, I don't know this guy, so I might be wrong. But hey, the day he doesn't hug you anymore will be pretty awesome.

Anyway, I've had something similar to this topic happen to me like five years ago. My mom and I were at my brother's elementary school graduation, and we were sitting next to some kid's dad. He started chatting with us, referring to me with male pronouns and calling me "buddy" and stuff. My mom countered with the female pronouns, but this guy wouldn't hear it, heh. He thought I was a boy the entire time, and my own mom couldn't convince him :p

I think he does though. He did ask me out and I told him I just see us as friends. Then months later I think he ask me why I didn't want to go out with him and that's when I told him I was trans. I didn't want him to think there was something wrong with him, so I told him and he's cool with it. But I think he would rather me stay a girl even though we would NEVER be together b/c  I don't like guys.

That's awesome this guy thought you were a boy the entire time.

[JerkBoy]

I kind of agree, it does seem like he views you as a girl still seeing as how he behaves differently toward you than other guys. But don't enable him, you have to bring it up to him at some point if it really bothers you.

[V M]

Sometimes I'm not sure if they forget or if they're just confused to begin with... But I'm not going to complain either way

I do feel a bit awkward when asked about certain particular female issues though

[K8]

I have known my closest male friend for eight years, much of that when I presented male and was deeply closeted.  Today I was with him and his wife.  She did something that is typical of her and which drives him crazy.  He started complaining: "See what I have to live with?!"  I tried to soften it to make peace, and he jumped on me: "You women always stick together!  I'm sick of it."  I started laughing, thinking he was kidding.  But he went on: "It's always the women together" and so on.  He was serious! 

Well, he eventually calmed down and everything is fine now.  I don't know that he has forgotten, but he has definitely made the shift.

- Kate

[Nikolai_S]

I don't think people forget entirely, but I think it can become so natural over time that it will slip their minds sometimes. For example, I knew my ex-boyfriend for years as a girl. Started dating him as a girl, but came out to him about a month after we started dating, and being his boyfriend was much more natural. Several months after that, he was at my house and noticed some old bras in my dresser, and he said "Dude... why do you have bras in here??? That's creepy! Oh.... wait... huh." Then he turned to me, got a little flustered, and said "You're really not meant to have boobs, you know? It's not right." Yeah, I know.

[pretty pauline]

Yes I think people do forget over time but maybe not completely, when I got married to my fiancé last August I remember Him saying we where lucky at our age not to have to worry about contraceptive pills or condoms as we are beyond that, it can be hilarious sometimes, I never had to worry about such things are Im trans, but He was quite serious, now He knows my history but He never knew me as a guy, He has only ever known me as a woman.
Even 1 of my brothers who was slow to except me all them years ago, had a resent disagreement with his wife, they visited 3nights ago, I think he got annoyed with me when I tried to comfort her after she told me the story, he just got up and walked out, a bit like what your friend did Kate, ''you always take the woman's side pauline, I know your my sister, but your just another typical woman''
I don't know if they just get use to me now as a woman, no matter how silly or hilarious or whatever the reason is, it still gives me great peace after all these years for people to just forget about me being transexual and to just except me as a WOMAN!!!!
Pauline