I've decided to look at this strategically. On Thanksgiving there were nine of us present and all saw me as a female but in a very subtle way. I had no makeup and no purse but wore a black blouse, black jeans, nail polish, long hair, feminine sandals, and had small (but fake) A to B cups. On Christmas there will at least be ten of us all of who also have seen me presenting female.
One of those is me and the other is my mother. My mother is extremely supportive although she would have wished this didn't happen.
Two will be an uncle and his wife both of whom are very supportive and care even less about it than my mom.
Then there are two other people, one of which is fine with it and the other who doesn't particularly like my transition but will accept it regardless.
The remaining four are the original problem set who consists of the uncle, wife, two kids (12 and 16) and potentially an 11th person being the 16-year-old's boyfriend who was one of the nine on Thanksgiving. Now on Thanksgiving, I never got any weird stares or comments from any of the three kids. I can't completely know how the kids felt but I get the impression the kids have more important things to care about than my appearance. Plus, I'm an adult and even if they don't like it they will respect me as an elder. I've known them since babies and always gotten along well. The two who are having the problem are the uncle and wife with the uncle being the real problem. Of course this is the uncle who has been seen at a gay/trans bar. While Thanksgiving was at Mom's house, Christmas is being held at their house.
As stated, I offered to tone down the appearance with him similar to Thanksgiving but he didn't like that. I told him I would make an effort but didn't exactly make a promise. His concern was over these fake boobs which were very small and hardly noticable. Without them, I would like a feminine boy which I don't want. So here is the deal. I will dress similar to Thanksgiving--as a female but very androgynous/subtle. My mother has decided she will talk to him (hopefully today) and tell him the ultimatum.
Now if he insists that I cannot come over or if he turns me away at the door then she has decided she will not come over either. The two of us plan on carpooling with two others who are supportive. That means four of us will now not be going should he do this. Then there are two more who would be very upset if he turned us all away and there is a chance they might leave too. That would essentially result in Christmas being back at Mom's house but without the uncle and his immediate family and they would have a lonely Christmas (tough). We have already set up a gift exchange where names are drawn. A severe absence like this would generally screw it up. So it is going to be kind of a battle of ways between me and this uncle. I'm not budging and it looks like plenty of others will go my way so we'll see what happens.
I don't have a problem outing this Uncle about the gay bar. He knows I saw him there and he knows he is being a hypocrite. If he wants to cop an attitude over my gender and sexuality issues when he clearly has similar issues of his own then he should be held accountable over that. Similar to a Bible-thumping preacher who constantly rails against homosexuality, when he is caught with a male prostitute nobody would dare keep their mouth shut about it. I don't consider myself a mean person but I do believe that what goes around comes around. One of the few things I don't tolerate is hypocrisy. It would be like my supervisor writing me up for taking a stapler off his desk without asking right after I saw him sneak a computer to his car. If someone wants to be stupid like that as far as I'm concerned they are hanging themselves and I'm just the messenger.
I appreciate everyone's support and advice and will keep you all posted.
