OK, so it's my birthday today and I kind of can't help but get a little reflective considering everything thats happened over the past year, especially the last few months.
Since November, when I first worked up the courage to let myself be seen in public wearing female clothes, things have been happening so fast for me that it's kind of hard to contemplate. I had already been on HRT for more than 7 months, and although I was terrified of the reactions I would get, I knew it was something I needed to get some experience in, so I kind of bit the bullet and did it. And the night ended up being one of the most enjoyable evenings I had had for a very long time.
Less than two months later, things are so different now its hard to believe. After my first public outing went so well I thought I'd be trying to be out in public as female a bit more often, every now and then. Now the only time I'm not presenting myself as female is when I'm at work, and the only reason I'm not out there as well is because I work in a call centre and I want to at least start on voice therapy before I try to make it work. Which is why I'm kind of glad that my first voice appointment is coming up in a bit over a week. And its free, because for some reason or other its completely subsidised by the government. Which is just weird really, seeing as they won't let me change the sex on my birth certificate but they'll pay for me to be able to talk like a girl.
I think the best thing about everything thats happened so far is that I don't feel like I deserve to be an outcast for the way I want to look and the way I feel any more. I know I'm putting a lot of hard work, physically and emotionally, into making my transition work, and knowing that its working is making me feel so good about myself. For the first time in my life I actually feel attractive, which is something so foreign to me its taking a bit to get used to. Although I think it's still going to be a while before I get used to catching guys staring at my chest. I'm allowed to be offended by that, aren't I?
All in all, getting a chance to live my life the way I always wanted to live it has been the best present I've ever given myself. I know it's not always going to be going my way, and I'm not always going to be feeling on top of the world like I am at the moment, but at least its a fair sight better than leaving everything the way it was and being miserable every day for the rest of my life.
I had a great time being 24. And I think I'm going to enjoy being 25.
Megan.
