PENIS PENIS....WHY AM I SO AFRAID??

[VirginiaSiloah]

Preface: i've had relationships both with girls (just for trying and for making people think i was straight) and boys but i've never gone beyond the kiss.So i'm 100% virgin..woooooow!

So, with this in mind, here i go. The fact is: I've never masturbated the way boys "normally do" which is to say dragging the skin down and showing the chapel (sorry for the clearness). It's like I've never felt the need to do that and even now that I'm conscious that this is the "the way it works" I'm litteraly afraid to "use" it..What was natural for me was to lie down on the bed, "rub" the penis until  ejaculation. Only in the last two years I began masturbating sitting on a chair, but don't uncover the whole chapel cuz –as I have already said- I'm afraid to feel pain (and anyway i'd still rather masturbate the "old way" which is to say on the bed etc..)..

I mean, how is it possible
1) i've never felt the need, especially in my puberty, to explore it?
2) why am I still afraid of it? why do i think i ll feel pain?

The only explanation i can find is the following: i'm trans, or better i'm a girl, and as a consequence i don't recognize my penis as part of myself and that's why I am afraid.
Maybe such an explanation is too trivial and simple but it's really weird I have a part of my body which i don't know how it looks like and which i've never used till 19.(i've never seen my glans penis so it's like how I don't know how it is).

In this period, more than ever, my penis is puttin stress on me. This is because I've met a guy (whom I find very attractive) and he's a real pig and he asked me to go to his place. I wanna go cause I like him (and I think it's time for me to explore sex) but I know we will obviously do something more than kissing. So i really don't know what to do!!
Oh my god I sound so childish and ridicolous but i swear i'm afraid, like before an operation.

I mean i'm willing to give my ass and take his penis as well but I don't want my penis to get involved.

Am i the only one, who experiences this? What is/was your relation with your own penis?

I hope I wasn't rude or offensive to anyone. In that case sorry but english is not my mothertongue and it's not that easy to express things!

xxx
Virginia

[envie]

dear Virginia,

what I hear in your post is that there is your way to be sexual and there is another way which is the way the sex allegedly suppose to be like.
I'd suggest you explore what you might like instead of what you are suppose to like! Just explore if you feel like it and make the sex your way be the way the sex suppose to be like.(to you of course)

As far as the masturbation goes people do all kinds of creative things. There is no right or wrong way! Why you think you might hurt yourself by pulling the skin all the way down can only answer you.
May be it actually does hurt, maybe you hurt yourself at some point. I assume you pull your skin all the way down when you wash yourself?! Does it hurt then?
Maybe you went a bit too rough on yourself one time. It happens you know in the heat of moment and then you ache a little afterwards. The only way to find out is to explore!

Do what feels right TO YOU!

[TraciMC]

I have never had a good relationship with that part of my anatomy and wished so much it that it wasn't there, ever since I was little.  Then when I was 12 I tried tucking it between my legs but that would get very uncomfortable so instead I stuffed my underwear with clothes to make it feel flat there.  I would go to sleep with my hand there comforting me that I didn't have it there anymore.  One day I discovered it felt good to press my imagined "vulva" and that was the first time I masturbated.  Then I realized that masturbation was a way I could ease my gender dysphoria, as I could make my body the way I want through fantasy.  So since then before SRS 90% of the time I would masturbate lying down on the bed with a pillow between my legs rubbing it, imagining that the pillow itself was my outer skin and that what I was feeling was inside my body.  It's hard to explain but it was all about changing my perception of my anatomy.  Otherwise I'd masturbate with dildoes and the like.  I never ever masturbated using my hands with direct contact with my genitals; the whole point was convince my mind that I didn't have male genitals but had female ones instead.

After SRS the most amazing thing happened.  I could skip this whole step entirely.  I didn't need to reconfigure my genitals in my mind because they are now already how they were supposed to be.  Thus I could skip the whole mental gymnastics routine and focus on a partner rather than tricking my mind to accept the sensations I was feeling.

[insideontheoutside]

I would agree that there are no "rules" for masturbation. People just figure out what works for them and do it. Granted, most guys do stroke it because that's what gives a lot of sensation, but there's plenty that get more creative too.

[VeronikaFTH]

I would agree that there are no "rules" for masturbation.

Really? Hmm... Then my copy of "Rules for Masturbation" is fake?

Well, that would explain all the spelling errors and crude stick-figure drawings... ;-)

[Elsa]

I have never had a good relationship with that part of my anatomy and wished so much it that it wasn't there, ever since I was little.  Then when I was 12 I tried tucking it between my legs but that would get very uncomfortable so instead I stuffed my underwear with clothes to make it feel flat there.  I would go to sleep with my hand there comforting me that I didn't have it there anymore.  One day I discovered it felt good to press my imagined "vulva" and that was the first time I masturbated.  Then I realized that masturbation was a way I could ease my gender dysphoria, as I could make my body the way I want through fantasy.  So since then before SRS 90% of the time I would masturbate lying down on the bed with a pillow between my legs rubbing it, imagining that the pillow itself was my outer skin and that what I was feeling was inside my body.  It's hard to explain but it was all about changing my perception of my anatomy.  Otherwise I'd masturbate with dildoes and the like.  I never ever masturbated using my hands with direct contact with my genitals; the whole point was convince my mind that I didn't have male genitals but had female ones instead.

wow... and I thought I was the only one...

edit: I feel sick when I try to masturbate the "normal" way and even sicker when its starts ejaculating (hope I am not being crude or too explicit)

Virginia I kind of envy you ... at least you have been kissed .. I just hope I can one day find some one who will make me feel special and that I can do the same for him/her...

[KillBelle]

I hated mine when i had it, but then now i miss it because it was a part of who i am. I used to feel guilty whenever i masturbated, and i just closed my eyes every time i did; just to avoid the idea that it's there. Now that i think about it i kind of laugh because it is so bizarre to me that i hated that part of my body so much.
I used to think i was gay but then i realize that i was missing something because my ex boyfriends ALWAYS wondered why i couldnt get "turned on". i told them i had a problem down there when the real reason was because i HATED having my penis touched!!!!

Whenever my ex gay boyfriends wanted to have sex...and wanted me to top...i couldnt do it, the idea of me doing them is so gross and bizarre and disgusting lol. But now my life is the way that it should be without the penis, but i still miss it...kind of like missing an old friend that annoyed you all the time.

Masturbating as a girl is so...not that great.