New Significant Other

[kittencupcakes]

Greetings! My name is Bianca and I am in a relationship with a transgendered girl in the (very) early stages of MtF transition. I'm sure some of you may have seen his posts, he was formerly Ekuryua but is currently Eve of Chaos.

A bit of background:

We've been together for three and a half years now and have just begun dealing with the idea of MtF transition in the past two months. However, I feel like I always suspected that the issue would be introduced sooner or later so when we finally confronted it, I was not at all surprised.

Before, I mostly considered myself to be straight but now that I am realizing the boy I have been in love with for 3.5 years could possibly become a girl, I have come to the conclusion that I am pansexual. I do not love him because he is a boy and I am a girl. I love him because we are able to connect in a way I have never thought possible. He's my best friend, my lover, my support, he's all I need in life. He completes me. And that will be true no matter what his anatomy says or what gender he chooses to identify with.

As I said, he's been fairly active on this site so I mostly joined for him. I figured the thoughts he posts on his blog are the purest thoughts he has, ones that he cannot express to me directly. I want to be able to know what he's thinking and what he feels throughout this very difficult time and I also want to be able to talk to people who are in a similar situation as myself.

The past two months have signified the beginning of a very long and difficult journey and I plan to follow him to the very end.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Bianca,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another SO.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  

You and her are already on the path to discovering the girl that Eve should be.  If more people would realize that we are the same person they original love, more couples would stay together.
Hugs and Love,
Janet

[rejennyrated]

Hi Kittencupcakes

First a warm welcome to Susan's and congratulations on your supportive and accepting attitude. I see that Janet has done all the official stuff so I will confine myself to something that she has hinted at but I, with my rather more direct style, will be more explicit over.

So second if I may, without seeming overly picky, I would like to attempt a little piece of gentle education.

People who are transgendered do not "become" one thing or another, they are in a sense already that which they identify as even if their body does not agree. That is why they seek hormones and corrective surgery to re-align the body with the internal identity.

Thus if your partner is MtF trans then you need to understand that to call HER by the male pronoun will seem to most of us on this site as the ultimate insult and rejection. Please if you do nothing else, whilst you are on this site try to learn to refer to people by their chosen pronouns and identity. I know this can be difficult and take some getting used to, but in the end it needs to happen if you do not want to cause much unintended hurt and offense.

When I was five years old I began the transition which ended when at 24 I underwent reassignment surgery. During my childhood I lived somewhat in-between genders.  Though it was not known at the time as it happened it later turned out that I was indeed intersexed. Since my sex reassignment surgery I have lived a further 26 years as a woman and indeed my birth certificate now says female.

You would not, I hope, refer to me as he, yet your partner is no different from me in anything but the stage in the process that she has reached. We both ultimately own XY chromosomes even if mine were a little bent out of shape, so if I qualify as female then so should she. So please, for your own sake, try to understand this.

I really do not wish to seem over critical here. I am full of admiration for your adaptable and caring attitude so please understand that this is meant constructively and not as a criticism. That said I wish you both a long and happy relationship together. My partner Alison and I celebrated 23 years together earlier this year.

[kittencupcakes]

@rejennyrated
I can understand where you are coming from and I hope that you understand that I would never assume which pronouns to use in reference to any other member of this site until I knew which pronouns the particular individual preferred, as I know it is a very sensitive subject.

I am currently using male pronouns in reference to my boyfriend because, for the time being, he has not instructed me to do otherwise. We've discussed it and he's told me that right now he's not picky about what pronouns I use. He said that when he feels the time is right he'll ask that I start referring to him using female pronouns and, when that time comes, I will gladly oblige.


@cynthialee
That is really great! You were both very fortunate to have found each other so early and to be experiencing this life-changing transition together. I wish the best for you both

And I may eventually have to take you up on that PM offer, thank you <3


@A
I'm glad you already know a little bit about me so I'm not a complete stranger Eve of Chaos has told me you're becoming friends, I'm glad to hear that!


@Lacey
Thank you so much! I'm glad that so many people are already being so nice and welcoming, I was hesitant about creating an account on here at first but now I'm so glad I did, I can tell I'm going to meet some great people on here

It may take awhile before I start posting regularly, I have lots going on right now but once I fall into a groove you can expect to see regular updates from me/us.

Thanks again! <3


@FlightyBrood
That is very sweet of you, thank you!

I'm one of those people who truly believes that there is someone out there for everyone. You may not have met them yet but I know that sooner or later you will, whether it be before your transition, during, or after, and they will love and accept you just for being who you are.

And that is just a great metaphor, it really brings light to what I know will be a very difficult and rough time, thank you!




@Janet, bearded, annette, dyslexi
Thank you all!

[bearded]

Well, kittens and cupcakes are both awesome, so there's that


Welcome to the site, and best of luck on your journey!

[rejennyrated]

I can understand where you are coming from and I hope that you understand that I would never assume which pronouns to use in reference to any other member of this site until I knew which pronouns the particular individual preferred, as I know it is a very sensitive subject.

I am currently using male pronouns in reference to my boyfriend because, for the time being, he has not instructed me to do otherwise. We've discussed it and he's told me that right now he's not picky about what pronouns I use. He said that when he feels the time is right he'll ask that I start referring to him using female pronouns and, when that time comes, I will gladly oblige.

Fair enough. In which case I stand corrected myself - It just shows, I suppose, how we are all different. Maybe because I had a long slow and very overt transition spanning most of my childhood I got used to being she from a fairly early age.

However on this site, you will find that by default, anyone who introduces themselves as MtF will be referred to as she unless they post and explictly ask people not to do so.

[cynthialee]

Takes off trans hat and puts on SO hat.

I am both a transsexual and the spouse of a transsexual. We married and the intent was to stay in our birth genders. However that was not what was to be. I started my transition last year and soon my wife started to transition also and has become my hersband. So like you I knew my spouse pre transition and that was the person I fell in love with. I am also staying in my marriage as Sevan is the love of my life.

As time goes by your spouse wil inevitably change and these changes will likely be somewhat stressful.

PM me any time if you want. I get a unique view of transition and I love when I get a chance to share that insight.

[A]

Oh, it's YOU !

*mean look*

Not ! We have heard a lot about you from Eve ; you look like a wonderful person ! If everyone was as nice and accepting as you are, things would be more simple, for sure !

[FlightyBrood]

It's people like you that give me the courage to date.

You sound like an incredibly wonderful significant other, and I wish you the very best of luck on the long road you have ahead of you!

I always say: It's a long and bumpy road, but the casino at the end has an awesome buffet

[tekla]

""Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.""

[Lacey Lynne]

@ kittencupcakes:

Permit me to enthusiastically congratulate you!

People like you are a joy to encounter.  We have another significant other on this website very much like you.  Her name on here is Mrs. Erocse.  She is married to Erocse here at Susan's Place.  They have been married for many years and plan to remain married.  They are two of the most beloved people here.

With your wonderful attitude, keen intelligence and resolute dedication to your significant other, you are well on your way to joining Mrs. Erocse in that most rarified pantheon of amazing significant others at this website and becoming very respected and very well-liked here yourself!   

Keep posting, please.  Many of us will be delighted to hear what you have to say!

By the way, check out Cynthialee and Sevan above!  They are another great example of what true love is all about (Rock on, you two!)!  They're awesome ... just like you and yours.

   Lacey

[annette]

Hi Bianca

To me you look a very loving and understandable person, so very, very welcome on the forum.
I admire your way of thinking and I think your girlfriend is very lucky to know you and to have your support.

hugs
annette

[dyslexi]

She's a very lucky girl to have you by her side.