What should I do?

[Aodhán]

Well, where do I start..?

Man, after I came out a couple of weeks ago, I felt simply amazing.  Never felt better.  I feel.. so much better about myself - before then, I was really self conscious and had low-self esteem.  But, as you all know, all good things come with a catch.  The girl I have my eyes on isn't too fond of change, and she wants me to stay a female for another year for her to "grow accustomed" to my new change in lifestyle.  I'm willing to bend over backwards for her, but it's.. hah, it's proving to be a huge challenge.  I got a taste of who I really am - who I was meant to be all along - and I want more.  I really care for her and I'm honestly trying to do this for her, but I don't know how much longer I can keep  this charade up.  What should I do? ):

As for family, I have to keep my mouth shut around my mother and stepfather.  My stepfather, being the creepy son of a bitch he is, is the kind of guy who would probably gladly go back to prison if it meant killing a transgender or someone of another race.  I don't care what they think about me, but I very much so enjoy living.  It's a tad painful though, having to keep to myself in my own home.  I know it might be a bit weird, but it bugs the living hell out of me when they call me "she/her".

I.. guess that's all.  I just really need some opinions on what I should do.  I know there's going to be conflict upon me being who I am, but I'd like to avoid as much as possible, you know?

Thanks a lot. <3

[jmaxley]

I'm not good at relationship stuff, so I don't have any advice about the girlfriend.  But as for the home situation, I'd say get out as soon as you can...and until then, fly under the radar as much as possible.

[Aodhán]

It's fine, I'm just at a stand-still about what to do relationship-wise.  I guess I'll figure it out eventually!
I'm really trying, ahaha. It's just so hard to grind by hearing "blah blah bla she blah blah blah Amanda" every day. I'm actually moving out soon, so hopefully things will go smoothly after that.

[JohnR]

Why can't she be the one to accommodate you? Have a long, serious talk with her about how you see your life going from now on.

If you wait a year she will say "oh, just another year, I'm still getting used to it"

Then another.

Then another.

If you needed any other medical help would she be asking you to wait a year so she can get used to the thought of you needing insulin or anti coagulants?

As for your home situation, move out ASAP and stay away.

Welcome to Susan's.

[annette]

Hi Aodhan

So, you're at war now, between the love of your girlfriend and your need for transition.
But, if she loves you as a person why should you wait, you be the same person after transition.
and that's the person she is allready used to.
If she wants you, it's unconditional, she know what she is dealing with, you where honest to her.
suppose you will be waiting for years like john said and after all she will leaving, what then, lost, lost years.
You do what you have to do, and she can make up her mind, will i stay or not because nobody will use to a tg if they are not open minded for the idea right now.
for me, it sounds like a delay and maybe if the delay takes long enough an adjustment.
she can make a choice right now and if she wanted to stay she will be have time enough to get use coz transition will take longer than a day, week month or year, so there is plenty of time.
and what about your stepfather......stay out of his neighborhood as far as you can, he sounds like bad medicine for you.

love
annette

[Nikolai_S]

Your family, I don't have any advice about - other than be very careful and get away from your stepfather as soon as you can.

In terms of relationships, is she actually your girlfriend? You just said you had your eye on her, which suggests more that you'd like her to be your girlfriend. If she is, maybe give her a month or two to adjust. Especially if you've been dating for a long time. It'll take her a while to get used to name and pronouns, so that can be one of the first changes - just title and the fact that you're now her boyfriend, not girlfriend. Still tell people you want to tell, investigate therapy or hormone treatment if you want to. An entire year is ridiculous, when I started to come out to people even a month of delay felt like a decade. Don't cage yourself any longer than absolutely necessary.

If she's just a love interest, she doesn't have any right to ask you to stop transitioning for now. It might feel uncomfortable if she's not adjusting well, but the truth is, if you did get in a relationship with her right now, and she is that unwilling for you as a friend to change... she's going to see you as a girl for an awfully long time. Probably that entire year. And that is definitely not healthy for you. Or her, for that matter.

[Aodhán]

@JohnR - Yeah, I tried to talk to her about it.  A lot of the time, no one can hold a conversation with her.  If it's something she just doesn't want to hear/talk about, she will continuously change the subject time and time and time again until you they just give up.  I haven't given up, but it makes it extremely difficult to have a nice sit-down conversation with her. ):

@annette - Yeah, of course.  I made that clear to her as well - I came clean about it to her.  I know a lot of people who don't tell their significant other some pretty important things (and I'd like to think my transitioning is pretty important, haha), so at least I told her the truth instead of, "Oh, it's nothing."  Well.. she is extremely stubborn about every little thing.  I'm going to try to have another talk with her real soon about everything and see what she's going to be willing to do.  I don't want to hide any longer, I want the world to know who I am - I'm not ashamed, I'm proud.  I do really like her.  Hell, I think I could say I'm falling for her pretty hard.. but.. if she can't accept me for me, then that's just that.
Ugh, yeah.  I've been kinda staying around with my grandma (who doesn't know yet, though I think I make it painfully obvious), and a friend here and there just to avoid going home.  I'm going to have to eventually but.. until then, here's hoping I can keep hopping around a bit until my move next month.

@Nikolai_S - Nah, she's not my girlfriend yet.  We just really have a thing for one another, and we aren't going to date 'till I'm living with her next month-ish.  I would absolutely love nothing more than for her to accept who I am - it's not like the "me" she knows is changing, after all.  She says the only reason she doesn't want me to change right away is because she fell for me when I was female.  She says she was so excited to have her first real girlfriend, but.. yeah.  And.. she DOES have a bit of a point, I guess.  Indeed, I had been contemplating my gender for yeeeeeeeeears, but I finally decided out of nowhere that it was time for me to come out to the world about who I am.  So I guess it's really just a bit of a shock factor, but really.  I wish she'd love me for me. :s



Really, thank you all for your advice so far, I wasn't rea lly sure where to turn when I needed to ask such things.  I'm glad my friend pointed me to this site. c: