A down day

[MRH]

Im trying to enjoy myself with it being christmas eve but I can't seem to push aside this horrible feeling. Im so desperate to come out but I'm so scared of how thats gonna go. Once its out I cant go back. I also had another pretty big fall out with my partner. He told me i'll never be a man because he seems to believe that being a man means you're very masculine and strong and apparently i'm weak which means I could never be a man. I got so angry with him that i'm now determind to improve my stamina and strength as much as I can without T and, as sadistic as it is, I keep fantasizing about smacking him in the face and causing some pain 
It really hurt me that he felt that way. Ever since he got his new job he seems to have old fashioned views on male and female roles seeing as the people he works with are very manly men. He is supportive of me but still seems to think that no matter how much I change myself he'll never see me as a man.
GAH!!!
Hopefully things will look up but for the time being I'm just gonna have to stick out the dark periods

Merry Christmas everyone

[spacial]

Wishing you the very best MRH.

I do understand your problems and feel so for you.

Significant others seem to have a history of being resistant and negative. I suspect they are frightened that you will no longer be there.

I'm sure that, as you develop and your partner understands, things will imporve for you both.

[Colleen Ireland]

I know how you're feeling, MRH.  Today has been difficult for me also.  This is the first Christmas since I came out - to myself, my wife and kids.  Might be my "alter ego's" last Christmas, too.  And my wife has been having a lot of difficulty (duh, what'd you expect...).  So today I was out trying desperately to find SOMETHING for her to show her I love her.  I discovered I could NOT buy her ANY kind of Christmas card... even the ones that are blank on the inside have pictures on them that would NOT work.  I just wanted to sit in the mall and cry.  In the end I bought her a $20 gift card for Timothy's (a coffee place), but now that seems so lame.  But there was nothing I could get her.  And in a few hours, I'm going to have to break down and cry, and tell her how sorry I am that there isn't anything I can do, and this is gonna be the worst Christmas ever. 

[spacial]

  In the end I bought her a $20 gift card for Timothy's (a coffee place), but now that seems so lame. 

For what it's worth Colleen, I don't think that's lame at all. That is a wonderful present which she can use at her leasure. Perhaps take some friends. You know that will talk about you. Which is nice.

[Colleen Ireland]

...and today I'm sick (to my stomach).  Some kind of bug.  MRH, I sure hope your Christmas is going better...