I never had tooooo much hassle with my hairstylists, but it was always a worry of mine that they would cut it a femme version of what I wanted. I'm a really outgoing person though, so normally I just speak up as they're cutting and politely go 'no, much shorter please, and I don't want any of those little flicks either' etc.
My current hairdresser is a young woman, she actually loves to see me come into the store. The first time I had her I went in with the longest hair I'd had in about three years, and promptly asked her to shave half of my head 😛 She gasped and double checked with me, then went at it with gusto and a huge grin, and continued to say a lot of things like 'I wish more people were this daring!' etc. The next time I went back for a mohawk, and she was excited once again.
She told me it was rare that people wanted something different to the norm, and that it excited her to change things up and go against the grain. I think you just have to either find the right person who's willing to listen to you, or force the one you have to do what you want. Bottom line, you're the one who's paying.