So this new years eve wasn't supposed to be anything special for me. The plan was to get dressed up, go out to a few parties with my friends, drink a little bit too much, and go down to the beach to watch the fireworks at midnight. Pretty much what I do every year (well except for the get dressed up bit, I guess thats a new addition to the routine). Things ended up going a little different for me this year though.
I had been debating what to wear for a few days, I really wanted to go all out with the dress, heels, everything, but in the end realised that I would be probably be going back and forth between different parties and that I would probably end up breaking my ankle if I tried to walk that far in heels. I ended up just going casual, new pair of jeans, really tight t-shirt, nice pair of sandals, and I actually bothered to straighten my hair for a change. I thought I was looking pretty cute, wasn't sure if I would pass or not but I wasn't really worried about that, I was thinking more about having a good time with my friends.
We started out at the first party, which lasted for all of about 5 minutes. We got there, there were only about 6 other people there at the time, and they were making some really offensive comments about me, so we decided to leave very quickly. We moved on to party number 2, which was a lot better, I had a few drinks, ended up running into a few old friends and having a few "I'm-wearing-women's-clothing-because-I'm living-as-a-woman-now" conversations (which all went great, I'm still yet to explain everything to a friend and have them react poorly, I consider myself very lucky for that), and had a little bit of a dance.
At about 10:30 we got a bit of a group together and moved on to party number 3. Pretty much as soon as I got there I ended up in a conversation with a guy who I hadn't met before, and who was very obviously flirting with me. I thought he was pretty cute (he's from New Zealand, I
love that accent) so I was flirting back, not really sure if I was doing the right thing or not. We ended up getting into a pretty deep conversation, and the next thing I knew he was telling me that he thought I was beautiful, and then it was midnight and we were kissing when the countdown hit zero.
I was a bit nervous by this point, because on the one hand I really liked him and wanted to stay with him, but on the other hand didn't know whether he could tell that I was TS and didn't want to have to come out to him straight after we'd been kissing. By this stage he was asking me if I'd like to go back to his place, which was definitely something I was not prepared to deal with at this stage, so I made up a pretty weak excuse about having being roped in to work the next morning, and that I'd have to leave pretty soon. I went off to try and find someone to walk back to party number 2 with me, and while I was trying to find someone to come with me a guy that I wouldn't really call a friend but who knew me from before my transition went up to my guy "friend" and quite bluntly asked him whether he knew "that I was really a guy?" (a friend overheard this and came straight over to let me know). I was getting paranoid by this point so I guilted a few of my friends into leaving with me. Before I left though, I figuired I should at least let him know I was going, and see how he reacted towards me. I was really surprised, but he didn't say anything or even act differently toward me. He said he was sorry I had to go, asked for my phone number (which I gave him) and assured me he would call me, then we hugged, I kissed him on the cheek and then left.
I don't know if he will actually end up calling me, but I really hope he does. I would really like a chance to explain everything on my terms and see if he would still want to see me again, I don't know if thats a realistic expectation but it would be quite nice if it would work out that way. He seemed to be a really open-minded person, I was really touched that he had seen me as female and kept treating me that way even after he was quite bluntly told that I was TS, and that he had obviously thought I was attractive (and wanted to do a lot more than just kiss with me). I guess that because I haven't been doing this for very long that I still haven't got past the thrill of people accepting me as female, but the idea that a straight guy (from what I could tell at least), could find me attractive just threw me completely. In a good way, obviously.
So I ended up going back to the party from before, shocked a few of my friends and made a few others a bit jealous when I told them what I'd been doing at the other party, and I had a few more guys flirt with me (one guy in particular told me, "You know, you have quite a low voice for a pretty girl", to which I just giggled for a while). Everything wound down and I ended up getting home just before the sun came up.
So, I'm kind of riding on a wave of confidence right now. The worst thing is that I have to go back to work tomorrow, which means I have to go back to the whole "trousers and a business suit" get up thanks to me not being out at work yet. I haven't thought about it much, but I will be seriously surprised if I manage to get through my shift tomorrow without coming out to my boss. It's just got to the point where I'm not afraid any more, which is just so strange to me. Two months ago I was scared to step out of my front door wearing womens clothing, and now I'm picking up guys at parties. How things change
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I say bring on 2007.
