Hi, just popping in to ask a question that may appear a bit odd.
I have never felt explicitly "like a woman", and I've always wanted to be the "male role" in pretty much everything that I've done, including theatre. I was never really taught gender roles (to my knowledge) and that I should be "feminine" until later on in life when I took over control of my own fashion and started dressing like a man.
It was until later after that I started to notice how more comfortable I was in men's clothing, especially after I got mistaken for a man at the mall by the owner of a store. It gave me a high, and a burst of confidence and joy that I had never felt at being called "her" or "ma'am". I hung around the same mall in male attire again one day and ended up babysitting a couple of young boys and girls, who I'm pretty sure thought I was a male, and I felt so happy and free afterwards during and after that (not only from them, but from what they thought of me).
The bump in the road is, however, I'm not comfortable defining myself by a sub-label. I've tried FTM, androgynous/genderqueer, crossdresser, and pretty much every other label under the sun. None of those seem to fit just right, though, for a few reasons, including because I'm kind of neutral over my plumbing. I want to get hormones, chest surgery, and pass, yes, but I think I'm pretty much fine with everything else. I mean, as I see it, it doesn't matter to me, personally because it's kind of like that certain part of the anatomy doesn't exist and define me as "female" in my head. It may be delusional in a certain sense, but it's how my mind plays it out to be for right now.
So far, the only real thing that fits is transgender, which I'm fine with for the moment. I'm very curious thought if anyone else felt a similar thing occur? As in, none of the sub-definitions of transgender fit for one reason or another, so you have to put yourself under a big umbrella label?
