I wasn't going to post this but...

[Ashley Allison]

I thought I would drop my two cents by, because it is an interesting thread... Is reality (the world) a cruel, harsh world? Sometimes, but remember there is plenty of altruistic feelings, love and happiness out there. Does that mean that one should be "realistic" and harsh to others? No, not necessarily.  Some action, behavior, or facet of life may exist in nature (the world), but that doesn't mean it is a behavior to emulate.  Why? Because, now this is my own opinion, people have the fundamental right to be treated with respect, dignity, and kindness; especially when they are laying their problems and themselves out in the open to find solutions to their problems.  Is it alright to criticize others? I have no problem with that.  But, I believe there is a definite line between helpful criticizing for the benefit of others and being openly degrading and potentially malicious; which, unfortunately, a very small minority of people here at Susans do.  I think, some on this site believe it is their duty to expound 'the harsh truth of the world' when it is in fact their own opinion.   

As far as the sensitivity factor... There are of course overly sensitive people out there, but saying that, I don't think they tend to populate Susans that often.  I feel like as soon as you take offense to what a member says, they label you as "overly sensitive". From what I have observed in posts, I think that "overly sensitive" person is merely address the original criticism in the first place.  Another issue pertaining to sensitivity is that here on susans.org, some of us are sharing our deepest and most truthful parts of ourselves (i.e. our gender identity).  For some of us, these are parts of us that we have shared with no one.  How is someone not supposed to feel a bit sensitive when we get a harsh response to our deepest truths that we may hold secret? And besides, there is the possibility that a tad of sensitivity is good.  Sensitivity, and I am speaking for myself here, helps with empathizing with others and taking worthwhile advice to heart.  Overall, sensitivity is a mechanism to understand the social cues of others.  So to call others too sensitive may be an unfair approach when dealing with others (especially on the internet).

By the way, if you look through my posts, I don't get into these types of discussions on here.  I don't engage in any of the petty bantering I have seen go by.  These are just my observations and opinions, so please don't take personal offense.     

[xAndrewx]

I hope no one took offense to this post. Mods you are great and so is Susan. Truthfully ya'll handle stuff everyday that I couldn't so I think this site moves along very smoothly and well. I just posted this because I was one of the people who lately has been posting without thinking so this was a reminder to myself as much as it was to anyone else. I think a lot of ya'll have it right. One thing that stuck out to me a lot was

Another issue pertaining to sensitivity is that here on susans.org, some of us are sharing our deepest and most truthful parts of ourselves (i.e. our gender identity).  For some of us, these are parts of us that we have shared with no one.  How is someone not supposed to feel a bit sensitive when we get a harsh response to our deepest truths that we may hold secret?     

That. Because when I first came here that is how I felt. I remember being the person who's world had just fallen apart and I was sensitive at the time. In my case and in many others everyone has been great and more than helpful handling situations delicately while adding in the "real world fator" (I guess that's what I will call it).

Sean:

Perhaps there could be some sort of visible FAQ or highlighting of the most popular/common questions  and threads.

I second that idea could be kinda cool. I agreed with your post. I'd imagine is does get tough after a while.

It hurts though, to have someone misconstrue my posts and my intentions and decide to leave because of them.
It's not "fair" really. 'Specially when I feel like I'm giving good and honest advice which I genuinely believe would help and the response is to presume I'm attacking or trying to drive 'em away. :/

Miniar- You are an awesome guy and I always love your advice for the exact reason that you are blunt. I've never once seen something you've written that I didn't respect even if I didn't agree with it I respected it. It does get hard not being able to have emotion through text. Which is why I tend to over use smileys/sad faces to try to spell it out but I'd imagine it'd get annoying to read a billion emoticons so I have yet to find another way 

Cindy: Like I said somewhere in that mess of text above you Mods are awesome and I hope you didn't think I was trying to say otherwise with this post. I spend a lot of time on here and often see the amount of posts all of you go through so I do imagine it's very easy for one out of thousands in a day to slip through.

Jenny- You're right. There is a balance and it's almost always better to be honest and more like real life. Personally I need to improve my own practices as well so I agree. That quote exactly.

The trick is to figure out which you are dealing with and then adjust your tone accordingly so that you achieve the desired result rather than merely causing hurt and offense.

[MillieB]

Yes, but we do.

And that's the point I think. There is a time for lessons in the harsh realities of life and how scuzzy the world can be, I think that we all know this, seeing as the world is pretty damned big and difficult to miss.

I'm not saying that everything has to be tripple dipped in sugar and sometimes differences of opinion can be constructive, but there are times when things can go a little far. As has been said there are vulnerable people on the site and this is not a good time of year to be vulnerable and I have heard of two trans people who have decided to take their own lives this holiday season and I do think that the trans community as a whole could be more supportive sometimes.

[CaitJ]

I have to say that I respectfully disagree with this. I think a lot of people come to a place like this well before getting to a point of seeing a counsullor.  A good thing about this site is there are a lot of good people here that will help direct people to counsulling with a gender therapist.

The question was:

I think that some people come here to help them get stronger and get better at coping with the big cruel world.  Where else can they go?

Or, more simply: "Where else can they go other than Susans?"

To a counsellor. My answer still stands.

[CaitJ]

The last statement made me laugh, yeah it is like a box of sugar and kittens, but really being cruel to someone on the brink of "something horrible" is not the best option to deal with it.

The people who are on the brink don't make passive-aggressive threads about leaving.
As Helena said; they just leave.

[CaitJ]

Grow Up and stop thinking that the world owes you anything , because it doesn't and the sooner you realise that and come to terms with the fact that survival is a daily battle for everyone, the sooner you will stop feeling that you are being unfairly targeted.

Or, as my good friend Chopper Reid would say...

Ronnie Johns - Chopper - Harden the ->-bleeped-<- Up

(Warning! Strong language)

[Vince1995]

Unfortunately the world doesn't cater to overly sensitive people, it is, overall, a very unfair place. If one doesn't acquire a certain amount of mental fortitude, one isn't going to survive.
Seriously, this place is like a box of sugar and kittens; if it's to tough for someone here, then I'm really worried about their ability to cope with, well, anything.

Why THANK YOU, for those kind words. >.<

[CaitJ]

Why THANK YOU, for those kind words. >.<

[Vince1995]

Argh sorry. Kinda moody right now. Didn't mean to be like that. :/

[xAndrewx]

Hey everyone has their off days. 'Sall good. Seriously though it's not up to us how those people cope in the real world, it's just up to us to help the people here looking for help, I think.

[Megan]

The most important time I think someone should tell the truth is when they if they pass or not.

That's important because they shouldn't be deluded into thinking otherwise, and go out to the world and see the reactions of people who read them.

[xAndrewx]

I agree Megan I'm very blunt when it comes to telling someone if they pass but I think it's all about presentation of how you say it. Like if someone doesn't pass maybe pointing out the things that do pass (for guys: Square jaw, masculine hairline and such) or giving a suggestion along with an answer and if all else fails an encouraging reminder of what hormones will help with if you know they are going to start them.

Personally when I ask I'm asking for many reasons but one of them is safety. There are some places I avoid if not passing to avoid any trouble.

[JosephKT]

Thanks for the post Andrew.  I've been wondering about that for a while.  So far no ones said anything terrible to me directly, but I've definitely read things that has made me feel uncomfortable or just plain hurt.  I find most often these things escalate when people are trying to put forth their opinions back and forth and certain people just will not let disagreement stand.  Their word is final, no matter what anyone else's opinion is, and sometimes very personally important opinions.

What can I say, I have borderline personality disorder.  I'm fighting it as much as I can, but I don't have the money or support to go to a counselor, and I'm prone to self-destructive behavior.  One most days I can keep it at bay, because after six years I've learned how, but on bad days, the ones where I can really use some support and help, I don't dare come here.  That's how bad it is sometimes.

[xAndrewx]

Joseph I'm sorry you're having to handle that struggle   My ex had a few things to work through similar to that and without her meds it got really bad so I do somewhat understand. Usually on a bad day I find it fun to go to the site and look directly at the quizzes section or even just the general section. Often Janet Lynn posts some very cute or funny stuff that takes my mind off struggles for a while. While I love a good debate and like to see everyone opinions I've noticed occasionally you're right it does become heated so I usually just ignore those until I can look at it with a clear mind.

I hope one of these days you can afford to see someone if you want to man. Happy New Year!

[Nero]

One most days I can keep it at bay, because after six years I've learned how, but on bad days, the ones where I can really use some support and help, I don't dare come here.  That's how bad it is sometimes.

Joseph, I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't want people to avoid the site when they need it most. What is it specifically that makes you avoid the site when you need it? PM me if you feel more comfortable doing that.

[xAndrewx]

Forum Admin, you are an awesome and helpful guy Just wanted to throw that out there.

Joseph- Heck yeah man Grand Theft Auto solves all of my anger issues 

[JosephKT]

Andrew: sorry I deleted my post just now, I just didn't want to keep repeating myself.  I'm a Starcraft guy myself, Protoss FTW!

Forum Admin: Well, I guess it was really gets to me when I see someone having a real issue whether good or bad that they want to share and it gets hijacked by people who want to make it about their own opinion and damn if anyone else it going to disagree.  I guess examples would be helpful: I find the most easily identifiable one is if people are having problems because they live with or are active in a religious community that doesn't accept them and they would like help with dealing with it.  It soon becomes a, sometimes really hateful, back and forth about the validity or invalidity of religion.  I'm not saying it's specifically the religion debate, but it's that kind of thing where instead of giving someone help someone's decided "this is my place to force my opinion on the rest of you, in whatever language I please, and don't tell me otherwise."  I don't think it's something that monitors can do a whole lot about, that's the nature of on-line forums, but I guess I would just hope that on a place like this where we have some really sensitive issues going on people would be more considerate of why others are here before posting.  It definitely has made me think twice before posting something personal about myself.
BTW- overall this is a really great community, I'm not saying admin's and regular posters haven't been awesome, they have.

[Nero]

Forum Admin, you are an awesome and helpful guy Just wanted to throw that out there.

Thanks Andrew. 
I really do want everyone to get what they need here. And I take every complaint seriously and am just a pm away. Hell, even if a complaint is about me. I try, but I realize I may not always say the right thing. 

Edit:
Just saw Joseph's post. Yes, I see what you're saying. Religion can be such a hot topic and there are members here who have trans issues (or other issues) specific to their religion, and criticism of their religion does little to address them.

[JosephKT]

Religion is honestly the easy one to notice I think, but this kind of attitude crops up a lot.  But hey, like I say, that's how on-line forums works.

[V M]

I often think about leaving