another newbie

[mb1973]

Thank you so much for making yourself available. I hate to be vague, but out of respect for my husband's privacy, I will use "R" instead of his names. R and I have been in a committed relationship for 14 years and have been married for 9 years. He answered an ad in the paper for a roommate, and came to the apartment in a dress. The irony of it was that my existing roommate was in a male to female transition at the time. We didn't mention anything of the sort and advertised in our city newspaper. I guess the Goddess had her will with me that day. I feel it was an advantage to meet R in his female persona (I really don't know the politically correct term here, so I will use what she uses when she is R). I wasn't at all interested in a relationship, but I'm pretty sure that during the 6 months we were roommates, we fell in love. It took us almost another year for R to fall on HIS knees and tell me he was in love with me. I have always known this was part of my husband's life, so I expected it to continue when we moved away from my hometown and committed our lives to each other. R decided to stifle 1/2 of himself for a very long time in our lives, and while I have no doubt many things were done in secret, I never saw it. I wondered why there was this change all of a sudden to the most extreme of opposites. I understand that having a child together and the need to be the provider has certainly prohibited R from expressing himself fully in life. I hurt that he could not behave in the manner I know he wanted to. I have always understood that this is as much a part of who he is as the color of his eyes. I fell in love with this amazing person, and when the cross dressing stopped, I was left with half a person. Its taken a few years, a few really whopping arguments, lots of tears, a little disappointment and overcoming tremendous fear for my husband to come to a point where we have found a balance between his need to cross dress and my need for a more "manly" man. I fell in love with a person, not a dress, or pants or even a behind for that matter. I love who he is whether he is in his female persona or his male.  I am hoping that I can find a home here where I can share my joys and my fears.  I hope that through all of our experiences we can help each other grow strong!

[Janet_Girl]

Hi mb,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4700 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another SO.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
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• Age and the Forum
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Jennifer]

Hi mb1973,

     Welcome to Susan's. My wife has some of the same thoughts as you. I am wondering what you mean by your need for a more manly man? Just curious, thanks.

Jennifer

[annette]

Hi mb1973

I think I'm the worst person on the forum to give any advice about how to handle with CD but I'm pretty sure there are several other people who can.
You look a supportive person to me so the only thing I can say is   welcome


hugs
annette

[Mrs Erocse]

Hugs and Hello.

My husband came out to me at 10yrs of marriage about cross dressing. She is Erocse. ( Roxy) We have now been married almost 29 yrs at the end of this month. She is MTF now for this last year. I never had an issue with cross dressing. It was always done in private. The latter part is fine too.(Most of that part was revealed to me this year though I knew of things going on in private too, that I did not understand about longer.) At first it was stressful and aside from her horrible family it has been good.

I think you have found a great place to be. Susan's has helped me understand Roxy and other transgendered people so much better. There are many kind, wise, witty, wonderful people here.

I am looking forward to your posts.

Hugs.

Patty

[Susan Baum]

Hugs, mb1973.
Welcome to Susan's and Welcome Home. 

Your post hit home for me. 
One of my most painful experiences was the dread I felt about coming out to Chelle while dating her; I had fallen for her deeply and couldn't bear keep this part of me hidden any longer.  You were so fortunate to have known R from the start.  I'm sure Chelle was a bit disconcerted at first but it was soon clear she also had fallen in love with me – whether as M(ale me) or Susan. 

For almost 35 years, Chelle and I shared our joys, sorrows, ups, downs, some clothes, makeup and everything else under the sun except shoes.  Girls' night out!  Shopping!  Snuggling closely or just doing mundane household chores, Susan was a regular part of our togetherness. 

Many crossdressers stop for brief – or even longer – periods and sometimes try to purge every vestige of their femme selves by getting rid of everything – even with fully supportive spouses and families.  You may have identified it yourself understand that having a child together and the need to be the provider has certainly prohibited R from expressing himself fully in life. or there could be other reasons – as caring and supportive as your note is, I don't think there could be anything that could tear you apart. 

While the "provider" role tempered my activity, parenthood was not an obstacle for long; children are marvelously resilient and don't have to unlearn others' prejudices.  I feel fortunate in that I am comfortable in both gender modes but have to admit M is predominant only because Susan may not be well received by a percentage of my current employment and social circles. 

Susan has been a part of my life for close to fifty years, I cannot imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have family and friends who gave me the freedom to be myself. 

I also look forward to seeing you here and learning from your contibutions.   

Susan
P.S.  1973 was the year I met Chelle. 

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello mb,
I'm glad you joined.
This is a great site for support and information with gender issue.
We are always happy to have a supportive spouse join.
Significant Others talk is one of the catalogers.
But don't just stay there come join and share in the other categories too.
Welcome to Susan's
Jillieann

[mb1973]

I want to thank all of you who have replied to me in the last week.  Your heartfelt and honest answers are welcome in our world.  I am looking forward to  a "home"  where we can all share and live without judgment.  My husband is thrilled that I have found this site, and as it turns out he's here looking sometimes too.  Maybe my taking the step to tell our story here will help him tell his.  love!