As much as I take pride in many things of me, ultimately I just hate being me (or this person of me or whatever) for a variety of reasons:
I hate being someone that wants to be female but yet is either bi-gendered or just has a default mental gender identity of male.
I hate not being able to identify with other women (especially in their like of men) and see myself as so unfeminine compared to them.
I hate feeling that my femininity and womanliness has been robbed from me (since I don't feel the strong love to being feminine and womanly, including my absolute love of clothing that I used to have before I got f***** up in moving to Tucson, AZ with my mom for over a year.)
I hate having a romantic attraction to women (sabotages my ability to make friends with many women, and makes me feel that my "female feelings" are just a warping of my attraction to women, making me feel at times like it invalidates my want to be female)
I hate being all messed up in sexuality
I hate not being able to make GG friends
I hate not being able to know for sure how genetic women think (as to be able to compare myself to them)
I hate being so socially inept (to the point that I can't easily add to jokes)
I hate having many of my talents on the "male" side
I hate being able to easily be male at times
I hate liking the male stuff sometimes
I hate having a mind that goes against me to the point as to make me feel attracted to looking like a guy at times (ARGH!)
I hate having to succumb to my mind when it tells me that "that's too sissy" or "guys stuff are better" or some other kind of arrogant sexist notion fueled by my "male side"
I hate not having control over my own mind.
I hate not having control over my own destiny, with the concept of "finding yourself", not "this is who you want to be and this is where I'll be going)
I hate having my dreams of being a woman continually attacked because of my living situation and my mind.
I hate having such low self esteem as a result (where I feel like I have to justify my own existence, otherwise I don't deserve to live.)
I hate being so f***** up and thus having to feel like I am a freak!
