I concur with Japple's film recommendation. It was one of the first films we saw; done by a young transwoman in Vancouver (near where we live in BC). She interviews all the people in her life that she is close to - follows their own growth over a period of time. It is educational about the process of transition as well as the emotions involved for all concerned.
I have always considered myself heterosexual, yet I am staying with my MtF partner. I am much older than you and have much more invested in our marriage (24 years). Of course, I can't really say what is right for you, only you can say that. I can say that I feel my sexuality to be fluid at this point. I am open to exploring same-sex intimacy. My partner just had SRS in December so it will still be some months before we can consummate the desire. But I do find her sexy.
We often say to each other that if we really want to experience "man" in our sexuality, that we will together find a man. It seems too tricky to be realizable, but it is comforting to know that we are open to the possibility. It would take a very special man to be interested in two women at the level that we are talking about. But if he is out there...we're ready!
Your WHAT IF: "What if I get caught up in this whole transition, and then after its all said and done I am completely unattracted to her physically, but cant leave due to guilt or pressure or complacency?"
Completely reasonable fear, but a fear nonetheless, and not a place of empowerment.
I still experience that one even in the midst of all this trust and love. What if I just can't be "fluid" sexually?
I can only say that I choose to be in this relationship because it makes me happy. I love this person unconditionally. I get what I need from the relationship. Sex is on hold right now. I believe that we can find a way. I like to tell myself "If they (lesbians) can do it, we can do it." Maybe I am fooling myself. I'll keep the community posted over the next few years because I think it's really important. I feel a kind of trust that I can be present to my experience and my expression of love in the sexual creative act to find happiness, joy, and sexual fulfillment. That is the choice I make.
Your other fear - the one about being too young to commit to a long-term relationship - well...shucks. You aren't married yet. I had the exact scenario you describe: met my first husband at 22, married at 25, divorced at 34. I didn't feel old at 34 though. I found the love of my life at that point and am still with her. The thing I knew at 34 that I didn't at 22 that made our relationship thrive? The power of spirit. We share a common spiritual quest/understanding that grounds us in the midst of everything else. Tools along the path included meditation, yoga, and energy work; these tools serve us well. I am uncomfortable mentioning this since we are not in the correct forum, but just saying, what works for us.
So see, you're not alone! Many blessings on you and your beloved.
Ruby
