Explaining why you are transitioning

[JaimeJJ]

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how the best way to explain the need to transition to people in my life, both personal and professional relationships. 

I think to a lot of people, telling them that you suddenly want to change your gender can be a real big shock and would cause them to be very confused (why have you only just brought this up now, are you some kind of freak?)

So - I am in the process of obtaining testing to see if I am intersexed in any way, since deep down for such a long time it's been something that I've always questioned about myself even before the desire to transition.

My question is, would it be easier to explain to people that you need to transition because you were born intersexed (even if you wasn't)?  Tell them you have always felt something was wrong about your life and now have the answer confirmed?  Would people be more understanding and accepting of needing to transition because of a genuine medical condition, rather then trying to explain you just WANT to be a woman?

Sorry if my question sounds stupid, but it has been playing on my mind a lot lately 

[Snoeball]

I just wanted to say that in my own experience it's been a HUGE deal to people in my own life even though it seems, to me, to be really not a big deal at all.  I've had some heated arguments with my own family about how 'big of a deal' it is to transition.  We strongly disagree about the impact it has... But, it does effect those around you differently then it effects you. It took me a long time to realize that some people actually cared enough about me for my own transition to have an impact, so this may be kind of *needless* to tell you... If it is, I apologize.

Now, I remember reading somewhere just recently (I'm sorry I can't provide proof of this article right now) that some therapists actually advise transpeople to tell others that they are indeed intersex, whether it be true or not.  I think it's nonsense, but in some cases it probably does make things easier.  I wouldn't be surprised if it made the thought of transitioning more comfortable to the person actually going through it too!

My question is, would it be easier to explain to people that you need to transition because you were born intersexed (even if you wasn't)?  Tell them you have always felt something was wrong about your life and now have the answer confirmed?  Would people be more understanding and accepting of needing to transition because of a genuine medical condition, rather then trying to explain you just WANT to be a woman?

I am sad to say, I think yes. It would probably make them more 'understanding.'  Everyone is different  =/   Of course, even if it turns out you are intersexed it's not like it will change anything for you personally, right?

And for what it's worth, I don't find the question stupid at all.

[annette]

Hi Jennifer

Your question don't sound stupid, a lot of people are dealing with it.
Apperently other people do have the need of an explanation for your gid.

The bad news is that you'll meet them everywhere.
The good news is, you don't have to explain anything to them.

They have no rights to an explanation, when you give an explanation it's a gift.
They only have to respect the way you want to live, like you have respect for the way they want to live.

So, you don't have to find an excuse to make things easier to explain, if people want to know more about gid there is a lot of information in books, movies the internet and so on.

I hope this answer does vanishes your worries about this subject

Just be happy and stay healthy.

hugs
Annette

[JaimeJJ]

Now, I remember reading somewhere just recently (I'm sorry I can't provide proof of this article right now) that some therapists actually advise transpeople to tell others that they are indeed intersex, whether it be true or not.  I think it's nonsense, but in some cases it probably does make things easier.  I wouldn't be surprised if it made the thought of transitioning more comfortable to the person actually going through it too!

I am sad to say, I think yes. It would probably make them more 'understanding.'  Everyone is different  =/   Of course, even if it turns out you are intersexed it's not like it will change anything for you personally, right?

Interesting... I suppose the guilt of SORTA lying to people would be an issue, but hey, this whole life so far has been one big hell of a lie, so what's one more to make people more understanding?!

I'd like to see that article if you come accross it!

[caitlin_adams]

Whilst I am generalizing, I believe it is easier to say that one is intersexed and the reason for that is because it places your condition in a medical context and this changes how people approach you.

There is a lot of misinformation about gender incongruence and often people conflate it with fetishistic transvestism. They also see it is as a psychological disorder and therefore (wrongly) assume that one may suffer from other forms of mental illness or may be able to be cured by therapy alone.

I'm not advocating that people lie, I'm merely trying to highlight the baggage that comes with a revelation of gender incongruence that is avoided when people see it from a biological and medical perspective. It takes it out of the realm of what they've seen on Jerry Springer and places it in a more scientific light.

Also, to me, gender incongruence is a form of intersex condition. Outward appearance of one sex with one or more organs of the opposite sex (in the case of gender incongruence, the brain).

I believe those with gender incongruence have far more in common with intersexed people than with gays or lesbians (which those with gender incongruence may also be, though not necessarily).

[Chantal185]

When I was 11 and 12, I was so certain that I was intersexed in some way. I was so petrified of the thought of growing into a man, yet for obvious reasons never said anything. I remember being afraid of change rooms and stuff because I thought "certain bits were small" and that someone somehow would notice. lol, however now that I look back everything was probually normal, I think it was more a psychological factor of not wanting to really be a boy.  Around this time I also had a noticeable weight gain, and developed pretty noticable gynocostoma or (man boobs) I was made fun of so badly because of it. I was overweight, but they were a lot more prominent to just be explained by being overweight. I am pretty sure I must have had some wash of estrogen at around this time. However as time progressed the inevitable happened and I started growing body hair etc, but I never got muscular and my voice never seemed to crack. However today I am pretty sure that my T Levels are that of a normal 21 year old man. Kind of sad. I wish I had more information however on intersexed conditions because somehow I feel that there may be something there. I know there are conditions like Klienfeiters Syndrome or XXY cromosones etc. But if I had that my T levels would probably be very low right now, and I wouldn't have the body hair that I do. Is it possible to have an intersexed condition and still end up hirsute? frig I hate my body hair. But yeah, I dont think if I was intersexed I would have much body hair. But there is no denial in my mind about an early puberty hormone imbalance.

You don't have to explain to them, even if you are not intersexed, you have the right to transition and live your life. The truth is that transexualism is not a choice. It has been proven in brain scans even that our brains more closely resemble that of a woman than of a man. We are all intersexed in some way, but since the effects are not visible to the outside we are kind of left in the dark and some people will always claim that we are fake or that we should be happy with our original bodies although we feel trapped in our own skin. It is so sad how these people are.

[JaimeJJ]

Whilst I am generalizing, I believe it is easier to say that one is intersexed and the reason for that is because it places your condition in a medical context and this changes how people approach you.

There is a lot of misinformation about gender incongruence and often people conflate it with fetishistic transvestism. They also see it is as a psychological disorder and therefore (wrongly) assume that one may suffer from other forms of mental illness or may be able to be cured by therapy alone.

I'm not advocating that people lie, I'm merely trying to highlight the baggage that comes with a revelation of gender incongruence that is avoided when people see it from a biological and medical perspective. It takes it out of the realm of what they've seen on Jerry Springer and places it in a more scientific light.

Also, to me, gender incongruence is a form of intersex condition. Outward appearance of one sex with one or more organs of the opposite sex (in the case of gender incongruence, the brain).

I believe those with gender incongruence have far more in common with intersexed people than with gays or lesbians (which those with gender incongruence may also be, though not necessarily).

This is exactly my reason for thinking that it would be easier to tell people this! Thank you for putting that in better words! Is it acceptable to tell people you are intersexed though if you 'medically' arent? I think it would make people a lot more sympathetic and understanding this way, as opposed to the thought of a Jerry Springer contestant...

[Snoeball]

I'd like to see that article if you come accross it!

I will post a link if I remember where I read this, just keep in mind it is via internet-land so naturally the legitimacy of it is highly questionable anyways. I just wanted to say that this isn't the first time I've heard this proposed... The claiming intersex status regardless of truth thing.

if people want to know more about gid there is a lot of information in books, movies the internet and so on.

.

And this too.  But, you should probably guide people on what to look at/where to look *especially* when it comes to those last two suggestions!  I'm sure you are aware of a lot of 'not so great' information on-line, and the sometimes flat out awful interpretations through film. 

[melissa42013]

Jennifer,
I'm glad you posted this question because I've been wondering the same thing. How can I expect someone who has know me as a guy for so many years to immediately understand and accept it and move on. Just because I've been struggling with it for years and just finally came to grips with it and gave my self the "TG" label doesn't meant others can accept it. Hopefully it won't take them as long as it did me to accept it.

I really like the idea of Intersexed. It takes away the idea in their mind that this is some sort of fetish that will go away or can be worked out in therapy. God I wish that was the case. I don't like to lie to people but in the long run I would probably be a lot easier for them to accept.  And as Caitlin pointed out, it really is intersexed, Girl Brain – body body. Thanks for that.

As to Jerry Springer... the one service he performed for me is to let me know I wasn't alone.. (pre-internet) but other than that I just shutter.......
-M

[caitlin_adams]

As to Jerry Springer... the one service he performed for me is to let me know I wasn't alone.. (pre-internet) but other than that I just shutter.......
-M

That's funny, because, for me, Jerry Springer had the opposite effect.

I saw A) ->-bleeped-<-s and B)  some transgendered people from low socio economic backgrounds that weren't getting the treatment they need (and deserve) and couldn't relate to either of them. I think that put me back in the closet for another 3-4 years.

It was only when I started seeing homepages of women who had successfully transitioned and were leading lives in the mainstream that I thought there was any hope for me.

[JaimeJJ]

Has anyone here ever done this? And has it made transitioning any easier?

[niamh]

I think I have equal if not more difficulty explaining to people why I am vegan. For some reason people can understand wanting to the opposite sex a little more than understanding why someone has decided to never again eat any animal products. Either way it can be so difficult to explan to people, and even after years some don't get it at all, my parents for example, on both counts.

[AmySmiles]

I've always had difficulty explaining to my family...  Probably because they automatically discount any personal arguments based on my feelings for the last 15 years.  And then they discount any scientific arguments I give for why the condition is real.  The only real thing to them is what they know from all the unsuccessful trans people they've read about (since they have not met any trans people in person).

However, I think with reasonable people, telling them you are intersex would make them more receptive - however, telling them you are intersex if you are not is a bit dishonest.  If you can live with that, it should make a difference in people's reactions as long as you're able to explain why said intersex condition would make you want to transition.  A lot of people don't seem to understand that "brain sex" and "physical sex" are, or even can be separate.