My transition has been moving forward slowly. I'm buying some clothes, getting laser done, got my ears pierced and starting to grow out my hair. Hormones are starting to work their magic, in other words my boobs hurt. Having been laid off since fall I've started to let my guard down. I'm not second guessing myself every second as to whether I acting male enough or if I'm letting my female self slip through. The job hunt hasn't been going well since the industry I'm in is dead. Let's just say my field is a traditionally male dominated one. I want to change careers anyway to something more friendly to my transition.
For the past few weeks I've been working for my previous employer part time. It's been pretty easy working with good people and mostly making phone calls. Today I had to attend a meeting on short notice and remembered why I want to change careers. For at least 15 minutes I stood around listening to a critique of the Oregon Ducks losing the championship. If your into football that's cool but I swear if the guys I work with couldn't talk about sports, women or cars they'd have nothing to talk about. I don't fit into that whole guy thing and never have, I just don't get it.
My employer wants to keep me working whenever they have the work and it's the only work I've found at the moment but there's no way I could transition there. The owners wouldn't stand for it and I've seen the way employees act around trans people. They're somewhat tolerant to their face and bash them behind their backs. Hell, I'll get crap from them just about my earrings.
I feel like it would kill me to be stuffed so tightly back into that male shell. It's like I'm getting sucked back into a place that let's me earn money to live and kills my soul at the same time.
Thanks for letting me vent.
