Not out at work...and it's causing some embarassing situations

[rexgsd]

Well, let me tell you about my work situation first.
I go to a community college studying automotive. Each semester, we go to classes for part of it, then go on co-op (Sort of like internship) at a garage or dealership. So i'm at my garage for 3 months and go back to classes at the end of February (not out at school either..). But anyways, i'm not out at work. Theres only 3 other guys working there with me: the boss, his son (hes 21, and went to the same school/program i did), and another guy thats about 40. I go there dressed normally..as a guy, and i always wear my binder and packer anyways. I want to tell them...but i feel they might not understand. I think the son is homophobic too :/ (more than normal atleast, he was making all these comments when a gay couple came in with their car, fearing he'd 'catch their gayness') So that's why i'm kinda nervous..

but the thing is, ill be going back and forth to this garage for co op for the next 2 years, and may even work there normally after school is done, so they should know. Also the biggest thing is the embarrassing situations that seem to happen a lot. A customer or someone will come in, and address me as young man or sir or w.e., which makes me so happy. But then at the same time it's embarassing since one of the guys will be there too, and sometimes 'correct' them, or just start saying something and call me she =(  so then its embarassing for all of us and it sucks. Also, the older guy that i work with is kinda sometimes digging into the whole name thing, trying to find out what my old name was and stuff, even though it's kinda in a joking matter it still kinda bothers me.

so i guess i'm just kinda stuck and wondering what to do at this point....I think i should come out, but i dont want it to create this awkward situation and stuff, especially since i hear them making gay-related comments or even sex-change jokes and stuff. I mean, theyre cool guys, especially the boss...but still, i dont want them to think they got to do all this special stuff now they know im trans or w.e. But i just hate how i keep passing with everyone that comes in, but then its shot down since the guys i work with see me as a girl, and then im embarrassed and so is the one that called me a guy.

anyways....guess im just looking for input..them (and my classmates) are pretty much the only ones im not out too, even though i work 45 hours a week. thanks..

[little_green]

Hey Rex, I'm the poster formally known as elvistears.  I can kinda relate to this cos I'm really into classic cars and go to a lot of car shows.  The guys in my friend's car club are a whole other type of dude than the wussy arty guys I usually hang out with.  Anyway, lots of gay jokes.  LOTS.  The amount these guys joke about giving each other sore bums..I swear.  However this guy in the club has come out and they're all totally fine and just say, "he's a man's man now!" and leave it at that.

But yeah, there's a big annual car show and I saw a lot of those guys for the first time in a year, last time I'd gone I was presenting more as female.  At least female enough to get hit on by some random dude named Lenny ha ha.  This year I couldn't be bothered coming out, but tried to go along my business using the men's room etc.  But as I was coming out of the men's this guy Grant made a comment about how I got the wrong bathroom and I was pretty bummed. I know if I go back next year I'm gonna have to do some coming out.  I get what you mean, you want to come out but you don't want them to modify their behaviour around you.

Bah, I don't know if i have any good advice, besides my own experiences, but can you find one classmate you wouldn't mind telling? Or grab a beer with your workmates and just jokingly drop the bomb, but be like nah really, call me he. I think coming out doesn't need to be a big scary deal.  Plus you never know how they might surprise you. Sometimes I think the supposedly "homophobic" rough car guys can be more accepting of stuff than more liberal types anyway.

[Wraith]

Since I don't know you or them I have no idea what way to go, but I guess if you want to "sort of" tell them but not formally come out, you could just take the opportunity when they "correct" someone and just grin and say "no need to bother with that, you could always call me a guy too". As some food for thought or something.
Hmm, well maybe not like that, cause that sounds like you're making fun of the customer. But you get the idea.
Sometimes if you're cool about it I think people have a larger chance of being cool with it in the end too, but if they're really phobic, well, I don't envy your situation

[rexgsd]

thanks Eli, thats something to think about.

and Wraith, i think i have kinda mumbled something like 'oh i don't really care, it don't bother me.' aka, i dont mind if they call me a guy. So maybe kinda keep saying subtle stuff like that.

[Michael Joseph]

If they dont know your trans, then do they think you are a butch lesbian? IF that is the case, then they cant be too homophobic, and may not be as bad as you think coming out to as trans.

[rexgsd]

well im pretty sure they know i like guys, so i wouldnt think so.

its kinda funny though cause they kinda seem to act like im not a chick anyways, aka farting and burping freely around me, or talking about girls (ugh, which bothers me, but its only the kid usually and not a whole lot) etc.

[Michael Joseph]

Well if you bind and pack around them, and judging by your avatar, im sure it wouldnt be some huge shocker if you came out to them lol. If it would make you feel better then Id say go for it. If you dont think its a good idea then dont share it with them. They would probaby be totally fine with it since they already act how guys act when around you. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable, Im sure it will be fine. Let us know how it goes, whatever you decide to do.

[rexgsd]

lol thats true. yeah, i guess im just waiting for the right moment to kinda slip in 'oh btw im a guy' or w.e. haha. but ill let ya know how everything goes if/when i get to telling them.

[Sharky]

Since you sometimes pass, they probably have their assumptions already.

[Make_It_Good]

Hey Rex,
I really wish the best for you (and others in similar situations), I hope it goes well for you mate, whatever you decide to do.

One thing I was wondering, was you said that they ask you what your name was before, so I assume you go by Rex? If this is the case, they may not be surprised if you do tell them youre ftm and want them to now use male pronouns etc, especially if they already seem comfortable enough around you now.

But it is up to you to judge the situation and how they may react to the news. Do you think they will feel decieved? Hey, they may feel privileged youve let them know something so big and personal.

I personally would feel unsure about telling them. Maybe you should speak to your boss in private first? Maybe he could help tell the others in a way they will accept more. I dont know. It is up to you, you know them better than us.

Take care and good luck.

Kyle