Tips for dressing/presenting invisibly at work?

[Nilisa]

I'm starting a new job on Monday (Eeeeeek), and basically because I'm not out and not even diagnosed, I'm stuck presenting as one of those men thingies. I've made a habit over the past few weeks of wearing a women's t-shirt under everything, and I plan to do so at this new job (Assuming they don't show through my shirt, which they shouldn't). I've also got a few pairs of women's socks, although they're not that different from my men's ones.

Is there anything I can do, or that I should do, to kinda keep a bit feminine at work? I suppose I could always paint my toenails and someone's suggested wearing a bobby pin in my hair (That's more of a symbolic thing, though), and there's always the more unisex/subtle things I can do like wearing women's men-style shirts (If I get some).

Suggestions are more than welcome

Edit: Title changed to reflect topic better.

[Colleen Ireland]

Maybe go for more of an androgynous look?  I dunno, "stealth" at work will be impossible for me, I'll be transitioning in place.  Already told the boss, Management is making preparations, and I should report as Me sometime in the next 3-6 months.  Just need to be ready.  But back to you:  I've always found that "symbolic" things (wearing women's underwear, etc.) just didn't do enough for me.  Maybe they would for you.  Or maybe get something like a piece of rose crystal, that you can have with you or near you at all times, that you could pick up and handle when the stress gets to you.  Just throwing stuff out there...

[MillieB]

Hi Nilisa (can't keep up with your names! )

Stealth in trans circles usualy means someone who has transitioned and living in their target gender with no reference to how they may have presented in the past, so unless you plan to transition and present at work as a woman (which I know that you don't)then stealth is perhaps not the right word.

As far as suggestions go, clear nail polish? Shaped eyebrows? It's all pretty commonplace nowadays.


TC M xx

[Nilisa]

That's why I put 'stealth' and not stealth, Mils :p Couldn't think of a better word

Good ideas, though, especially the clear nail polish one.

[ClaireA]

Depending on the job, you could get your ears pierced - it'd look cute!

[bethw]

Hi Nilisa;
How about panties and tights? Maybe a camisole instead of an undershirt.
Hope this helps.
Hugs
Beth

[Rock_chick]

I just started wearing eyeliner and mascara to work...mind you two weeks after that we had a dress down day and i just turned up as me.

[Nilisa]

How about panties and tights? Maybe a camisole instead of an undershirt.

Not too sure about the first (But it's a great idea) at the moment, but the second is a brilliant suggestion. Might try and pick one or two up when I can

Depending on the job, you could get your ears pierced - it'd look cute!

It's something I've been considering on/off, but I think I'm gonna wait until I come out before I do anything that drastic.

I just started wearing eyeliner and mascara to work.

Not sure I could really pull that off, to be honest. People would likely notice :p

Thanks again

[Tamaki]

Unless you have a dress code a work that prohibits earrings or work in a field that is dominated by less than open minded men (like the one I work in), piercings are so common on men it won't get a second look.

Like MillieB said you could do something with your eyebrows. Not necessarily shape them but trim then. Google trim men's eyebrows.

Any of the metrosexual stuff guys do shouldn't out you. A manicure is good.

What is it that makes you feel feminine? Earrings work for me so does a sports bra.

[JenJen2011]

When I was in that "awkward" stage, I wore scrubs to work
but that's because I worked in a doctors office and was permitted to.
Scrubs is a unisex thing.  Don't know where you're going to work but
maybe that helps?

[Nilisa]

What is it that makes you feel feminine? Earrings work for me so does a sports bra.

Tight fitting clothes, especially ones that hug my waist. I've considered getting a sports bra but I've nothing to fill one out with (I'm only a 36AAA  ), and the nice looking ones are kinda expensive at the moment.

Oh, how silly of me, I forgot to mention where I'm working. I'm gonna be working in a University Library, so it's quite a diverse place and I think it's mostly women who work there.

[Rock_chick]

Not sure I could really pull that off, to be honest. People would likely notice :p

Thanks again

You'd be amazed at how little attention people pay to you, besides I've known a few guys who rock the whole eye liner look

[MillieB]

Told you I couldn't keep up with your ever changing name!!!

[n00bsWithBoobs]

Tight fitting clothes, especially ones that hug my waist. I've considered getting a sports bra but I've nothing to fill one out with (I'm only a 36AAA  ), and the nice looking ones are kinda expensive at the moment.

Oh, how silly of me, I forgot to mention where I'm working. I'm gonna be working in a University Library, so it's quite a diverse place and I think it's mostly women who work there.

I started with very neutral tone makeup and incorporating feminine clothing items in my outward wardrobe. Thrift stores are a good source for these. As time continued forward and people got used to my appearance, I did more and more. Once people get to know you for you, it really doesn't become an issue. I'm still very boy-looking too, mind you. I just make sure to always be friendly to people so that they know I'm a good, sweet-natured person.

To help you out with your bra situation, I found some bras today that I really love. They're cute, feminine, are looser than a sports bra, and hide easily under your clothes. Here's a link: http://store.americanapparel.net/7319.html?cid=219

By the way, every librarian I've ever met was secretly an anarchist (which always made them really cool in my book).

[Nilisa]

Hadn't thought to look at American Apparel! Thanks for that link, and I kinda see what you mean. The tube ones look OK, too.

Thanks again for the suggestions, there's some that I'm seriously considering

[justmeinoz]

I've been wearing Mascara for over a year now, and pass it off as being a David Bowie fan since his Ziggy Stardust days.  Also clear nail polish.  They seem to work ok.

[Nilisa]

I had a thought this morning, and I'd like advice on it.

I've never been sure about what to do with my hair, but right now it's annoying me. My mum's also threatened me with a haircut, so my idea is getting a feminine-ish cut, but I'm not sure what to go for. I've thought about straightening it but it'll still annoy me a bit.

So, basically, two questions:
1. How do I go about finding hairstyles? Is there a good website with pics of feminine hairstyles that don't look out of place on guys? I still need to look presentable and slightly professional.
2. How do I find out if a salon is trans friendly? I'm presenting as male still (Ugh), so that's a heavy factor in things. I work in a town centre, near enough, so should I ring some of those up, ask if they're trans-friendly and make an appointment if so and if I can afford the cut?

[Rock_chick]

I had a thought this morning, and I'd like advice on it.

I've never been sure about what to do with my hair, but right now it's annoying me. My mum's also threatened me with a haircut, so my idea is getting a feminine-ish cut, but I'm not sure what to go for. I've thought about straightening it but it'll still annoy me a bit.

So, basically, two questions:
1. How do I go about finding hairstyles? Is there a good website with pics of feminine hairstyles that don't look out of place on guys? I still need to look presentable and slightly professional.
2. How do I find out if a salon is trans friendly? I'm presenting as male still (Ugh), so that's a heavy factor in things. I work in a town centre, near enough, so should I ring some of those up, ask if they're trans-friendly and make an appointment if so and if I can afford the cut?

Depends...I've been going to the same place and using the same stylist for 5 years or so...i just told her and gave her an idea of what I wanted and where i wanted my hair to end up eventually. Not sure how you'd do it if you hadn't been using the same place for years.

[Nilisa]

I have, and it's likely where I'd end up this weekend (If it gets cut this weekend), but I don't know if she's 'trans-friendly' or not. Think it's worth giving her a call this week (If I can find her number and if I actually get time before I leave for work) and asking what she thinks before I go in? She's usually busy-ish on Saturday mornings and I hardly want to announce it to the rest of the clients... Unless I get my mum to drop me off right at opening time. Hm.

Thing with going into town to get it done is I start at 11, and get into town for about 10, so I can get it done before I start.

[marcy319]

A few more ideas I hadn't seen mentioned so far...

ladies-brand soap, shampoo, deodorant, etc.
depilation by razor, epilator, or chemical means
A spritz or two of a light perfume or body spray
Consider some "sensible" ladies walking- or sneaker-type shoes.
A simple chain necklace, with religious medallion of your preference.

Oh, and do go ahead and get BOTH your ears pierced ASAP.