MTF Post-Op Reverted Back To Male Gender

[Shana A]

Changed back, welcome to Susan's!

You aren't the only one here to have gone through this. Due to a number of circumstances, after a year plus, I re-transitioned. I never truly changed back though, simply transitioned to a deeper sense of understanding of myself as beyond binary. Only the external changes, internally my gender remains the same as its always been since day 1.

Z

[KillBelle]

I dont think repugnant, i just think....wow way to make a life changing decision to get SRS and then change it back because other people want you to. This is the reason why SRS is such a trail of paperwork and therapy for the rest of us.

[Kim 526]

What a kind and helpful community!

Carolinejeo and Rebekah, I haven't been on any flavor of hormones since 2003. I don't want my remaining hair to fall out (Testosterone) and I don't want my breasts to keep growing (estrogen). I should ask my MD about that. Meantime I will begin calcium supplements.

Renate, perhaps you are on target.

love to all,

K

[rejennyrated]

What a kind and helpful community!

Carolinejeo and Rebekah, I haven't been on any flavor of hormones since 2003. I don't want my remaining hair to fall out (Testosterone) and I don't want my breasts to keep growing (estrogen). I should ask my MD about that. Meantime I will begin calcium supplements.

Renate, perhaps you are on target.

love to all,

K

You absolutely do need to take one or the other, or within a few years you will have serious health issues.

Particularly with estrogen it should be possible to take a dose low enough to protect you without getting overly feminised. Please don't ignore this. After seven years you will already have done some damage. You need to get this addressed.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

You absolutely do need to take one or the other, or within a few years you will have serious health issues.

Particularly with estrogen it should be possible to take a dose low enough to protect you without getting overly feminised. Please don't ignore this. After seven years you will already have done some damage. You need to get this addressed.

I'll echo this again because it's so important. You're lucky that you haven't had problems so far, but you can't not have a sex hormone.  Osteoporosis is the largest risk, but there are other health concerns as well.

[Amazon D]

I'll echo this again because it's so important. You're lucky that you haven't had problems so far, but you can't not have a sex hormone.  Osteoporosis is the largest risk, but there are other health concerns as well.

i wonder why my VA Dr hasn't told me i need to take hormones. I haven't taken them in 6 yrs. All she said i needed was some vitamin D.

[CaitJ]

i wonder why my VA Dr hasn't told me i need to take hormones. I haven't taken them in 6 yrs. All she said i needed was some vitamin D.

Possibly your DR has only a rudimentary understanding of endocrinology?
The adrenals produce some hormones and precursors to hormones, but not enough to prevent osteoporosis.

[ameliat]

I don't think that changed back thinks she made a mistake with the SRS, she has just discovered it is better for her now to revert back to live as male for her children. I guess, I see this a an admirable thing to do, out of love for the children.  I am willing to be that changed back does not regret SRS at all. I think all the paperwork and stuff to go thru to get SRS is for people who might regret and feel SRS is a mistake. 
Amelia

[alexia elliot]

In fact who is to say "this is the right way" if not the owner of the soul. I seek understanding and tolerance but realize that our human interactions and humanity remains still at semi-primeval level. At this pace providing we do not cease to exist, genetic tolerance will be achieved in about another 2000 years. How old will I be then?

[BigDEvs]

My heart breaks for you. You did this for your kids, and I respect that, but I cannot imagine not accepting a parent for who they are. Of course, my own family rejected me, but I think it is easier to cut a parent out of your life as opposed to your child. I am so glad my son accepts me. I'd be sad if he didn't. I truly wish they would accept you, so you could live your life how you truly wanted!

I also agree the only people who make me upset are those who revert back and claim religion saved them or that they never really were trans and being trans isn't real. I agree they never were really trans (most likely confused or wanted to fit in) but that definitely does not mean those of us truly transgendered can be "converted" back. This is part of why I agree that psych evals should be done before anyone can get on hormones.

[Kim 526]

To Lance M., Yes it was an extremely valuable experience for me, one which greatly richened me.

To ameliat, You are right on target. I really do like myself the way I am now. I do not regret my SRS for a moment. I feel like I've had my - well, anatomy - all my life and everything works like it's s'posed to. Dr. Brassard is wonderful and very handsome too!

To All who have commented on hormones: Thank you for your wise counsel. I contacted my old endo and I'm seeing him next week.

Hugs, K

[Debra]

Welcome! It is indeed a trial to transition. Everyone handles it differently.

I was disowned by my parents and it's been the hardest trial of my life while at the same time being the most amazing experience too.

[Kaelleria]

To each their own sort of thing.

There's actually someone locally that did the same thing. He had severe reactions to hormones so that may have influenced his decision a bit, but no one faults him or thinks less of him for it.

[VeryGnawty]

To each their own sort of thing.

Yeah.  Maybe it's because I just started transitioning, but I can't even wrap my mind around returning to the male gender.  I don't think my brain can physically process the idea, even it was for someone that I loved.

[Debra]

Yeah.  Maybe it's because I just started transitioning, but I can't even wrap my mind around returning to the male gender.  I don't think my brain can physically process the idea, even it was for someone that I loved.

I've definitely thought about it.....if only to feel my parents' love and acceptance again. But the thought of trying to be male again sickens me to the point of suicide. So I leave those thoughts in the dust.

[Jillieann Rose]

I have to echo what the some of the other women are saying here.
There is no way I would go back. I would rather die. It's just to awful to even imagine.
Yes and I do have a wife that I love that now treats me as a close friend.
But still even if I could get her love back by reverting.... No way

It's just to awful to even imagine.

Jillieann

[fwagodess]

I've definitely thought about it.....if only to feel my parents' love and acceptance again. But the thought of trying to be male again sickens me to the point of suicide. So I leave those thoughts in the dust.

Jerica has a good point, and many people have asked me to do the same. Since my parents as well as most of my family are deceased and thus can't say anything about it. If I was given the choice to live as a male and commit suicide, I would most likely choose the latter (and thus would not be on Susan's right now).

I have to echo what the some of the other women are saying here.
There is no way I would go back. I would rather die. It's just to awful to even imagine.
Yes and I do have a wife that I love that now treats me as a close friend.
But still even if I could get her love back by reverting.... No wayJillieann

Jillieann also raises a good point. But after I saw and heard about a former transwoman that went from Judy to Joesph - that made it clear for me.

Enough f***ing said. Once a transwoman, always a transwoman. That's all I have to say.

[lightvi]

I believe the ultimate goal is happiness, to be happy with yourself. I don't think you can take any wrong path to get there because each person has their own unique and customized journey. Labels make things more complicated than they should be in my opinion, but I guess it helps us to figure our selves out as long as we don't try to conform directly into a specific label. I'm happy your happy

Thanks for sharing the hormone thing, I didn't know any of those risks until I read this thread.

[Just Kate]

I understand first-hand of the trials of transitioning MTF. I transitioned in 1999, started HRT that year, had SRS in Montreal in 2001. I was board chair of a local trans support group. I did everything a good TS was supposed to do. But in 2003 because my teenage children were so ashamed of being seen with me, I went back.

I'm concerned that, in this forum, my experience may be repugnant to those who have worked so hard and suffered so much in their transition and their lives. Please don't consider me a traitor.

However, the reason I an posting here is that I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Thanks for understanding,

K

You are not alone, but there are not many here.  I did the same as you, but did not go all the way to SRS though I know of others who have.  If you are interested, PM me and I'll share some other private support groups I know of.

[gregb737]

Yes, there are others out there in the same boat as you Kim; not exactly the same but close. I was 200% sure of who I was and what I wanted. The therapists, endo and surgeons were equally convinced. 8 months post-op and my mental, spiritual world collapsed. I believe my Soul was screaming out against what I had done. I was in a very, very dark and scary place. I have new therapists that have put me back on testosterone and we are looking at a reversal surgery (phalloplasty) planned for April 2014. I know this is a site in support of transitioning; but, from my experience one should live with the equipment they were given at birth. To change it is risking walking down a very dangerous path. I am glad I am strong enough to endure the pain and move forward; others in a similar situation might have already made it on the obituary pages.