Hello out there!

[beth_30]

Hi all,

I'm 30, but have been crossdressing for as long as I can remember. I've always felt compelled to relax in this way but I'm happy to spend most of my time as a male
Recently, though this urge has become stronger and this part of my life feels like it needs to emerge more often. At first I thought it may be some kind of sexual kink, but these days I feel more at home in tights, skirts and dresses and I spend as much time as I can dressed up.

I haven't told anyone about this yet - but I've decided I should tell my wife sooner rather than later. Why did I marry her before telling her about myself? I probably should have done, but as I said, this part of my life is beginning to fully flower.

Nor have I gone out 'en femme' I am trapped in my flat - but again I feel that this is something I need to do. I would probably have done so before, but God has seen fit to mack me with a 6'3'' frame and a fairly muscular build and so I am petrified of sticking out more than I want to - I want to go out and blend in as a woman. I think this represents that I'm possibly more accepting of myself, but I'm coming here to this forum to meet some extra support.

I've read some of the posts here and I'm looking forward to chatting with you all and offering support where I can.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Beth,

Welcome to our little family. Over 5300 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
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Hugs and Love,
Janet
   

[Jacquelyn]

Hi Beth, welcome to Susan's!

I am the SO of a MTF, and I have found Susan's to be especially helpful, and I can only hope it does the same for you. Everyone here is quite intelligent, open, and supportive. I think you will find that the unique thoughts and experiences of others here sometimes make it easier to accept and understand the things that are happening in your own life.

Now, I agree with you, and I am sure many others will as well, that it is important for you to talk to your wife as soon as you can comfortably breach the topic. I am sure it is difficult for you to articulate quite how you are feeling to her, but I hope that the two of you can talk and work through things together. There are plenty of individuals here who have married and then come out, some of the individuals have discovered that their partners are supportive, and others aren't quite so lucky, but you won't know until you try. I am sure that some others will be around to give their two cents, and their advice there is probably a bit more sound than mine (my SO and I aren't married, and they can probably give you some pointers on how to best organize your approach to this sensitive subject).

Now, the one thing you didn't clarify is are you MTF, or do you identify as a crossdresser only? There are plenty of people here who identify either way, but it changes things a bit depending which you identify as (in terms of coming out to your wife/where you ultimately hope to be in life, i.e. transition, etc).

Also, to try and calm your fears of height a bit, I am a genetic female, and I am 5'9". I have a handful of cis female friends who are 6'+ and no one questions their sex. There are also a few ladies on the site that are quite tall, and let me tell you, they are gorgeous! Being tall isn't the be all end all, many people associate tall women with models. The key is to be confident!

I hope to see you around the boards. Welcome again, Beth!

Hugs,
Jacquelyn

[beth_30]

Thanks for the replies!

I just see myself as a crossdresser, I  suppose - I've never really had to label myself before... I think what I'd really like is to switch between being a guy and being a girl in a kind of bipolar way.

[Hottiesmurf]

Hi Beth,

Nice to see you here, and happy for you to start being yourself 

[bethw]

Welcome Beth. I like your name.lol No really I do. Enjoy your stay here.
Hugs
Beth

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Beth,
It is good to meet you.
I would advise you to good to a gender therapist first.
That is before you share this with your wife.
The therapist will help you sort out your feelings and on how to tell your wife.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[Jennie]

 Hi beth_30 , welcome to Susans and you will find help and support here, let us know if you need to talk.

Jennie

[Susan Baum]

Hi, Beth. 

I just see myself as a crossdresser, I  suppose - I've never really had to label myself before... I think what I'd really like is to switch between being a guy and being a girl in a kind of bipolar way.

I could have written those words... as well as a fair number of other women here.  A label is just a tag used for convenience; "crossdresser" in particular covers a wide range of feminine emulation.  You have come to the right place – a haven where you can come as you are and just be yourself. 

There probably isn't a really good way to break the news to a significant other but you must let your flower grow and do so before the inner conflicts and feelings of shame or guilt that it is somehow "wrong" (as defined by an already screwball holier-than-thou society) start to overwhelm you.  You are You and this is not a 'kink," (again as defined by "society.")  There are countless stories about denial, "purges" and the almost inevitable return to "normalcy" after letting your other self back out. 

You have given no clue as to how long you have been married but if has been for any length of time, she may already have had a couple of clues.  I can't offer any advice on what to say but whatever you chose to say to her, start off and stay as calm as you can because it probably will become very emotional for both of you.  Be totally honest with her and let her know how long this has been a part of you.  If she seeks some privacy, let her have it because she may be grieving the loss of an intangible (the "man" she thought she knew), angry because of your lack of candor and looking to the future with dread. 

Maybe my story will help – I am a 60-year-young 6'-1" heterosexual (now widowed) crossdresser who has been doing so for about 50 years.  Long before I met my wife, I had even thought about crossing the divide and was on HRT for several months before "stuff" happened and I realized that transition was not for me.  After I met Chelle and knew she was the "one," I had to tell her about this side of me.  We both cried uncontrollably and she said she wanted a few days to sort it all out.  She also said she should have known because she could always talk to me like a sister...  The telling, and the two day wait, were the hardest things I had ever had to do to that point but to my great surprise and relief, she didn't dump me but wanted to be with "both me's" and helped my "femme" persona bloom and grow as Susan.  We spent countless hours together as two women out being ourselves in the privacy of home as well as other places just shopping and socializing. 

Beth, you will always have friends here. 

I also suggest this board woth loads of good thoughts.  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,29.0.html

  Susan

[beth_30]

Thanks a lot for your wonderful words. This is the reason why I joined this forum; the support shown towards me, a total newcomer, has been incredible.

I hope you all will read this as I want you all to know how grateful I am