"We have that size in women's" - a FtM shoe-buyer's rant

[EliNewGuy]

GRRRR!!!!  If I hear that one more F***ING TIME!!

I come into your store looking for a particular shoe and I ask for a 6.5 men's.  Now, I _know_ you don't carry very many or any of sizes that small, and I'm going to have to try a 7 (which is often too big depending on the brand) or add this to the long list of shoe models I can't have.  I get it.  I'm small for a dude, and I understand how economics works.  You can't move a lot of 6.5's, so you don't stock them and manufacturers don't make a lot of them anyway.  I GET THAT.   I will not turn all bitchy on your a$$ if you just say, "We don't have that size."  Hell, I'll settle for the slightly more obnoxious "We don't carry sizes that small" which I also hear a lot. 

But what I DO NOT WANT, what I CANNOT STAND, is when you tell me:

"We don't have that, but we have a similar model in a women's 8."

Dude, that similar model is FUSCHIA. With glitter.  I walked into your store at best passing and at worst looking like a pretty butch lesbian.  Did you somehow MISS that?  Do I LOOK like I want the f'ing powder blue model with the lime green pinstripe??  Would you tell a "real"-looking guy that?? AARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

OK, I feel better now.  Thank you for this forum. 

[Elijah3291]

UGH, that would piss me off too!

[Pinkfluff]

For some reason that reminded me very much of the way my brother rants about things that piss him off =)

I can relate a bit too. I remember once being told about the men's dept while looking for shoes. I don't remember exactly how it played out now since it was some years ago now, but it is indeed very irritating. I don't often have the money for new shoes, but when I do I also encounter problems with the sizes.

[xAndrewx]

Sorry Eli,

That's pretty stupid of the sales person. Just curious, did you correct her and say I'm a man I'm not interested in a womans shoe?
I'm sure there are some guys with a smaller foot maybe one of them can give you a good store to go to for smaller mens shoes.

[Espenoah]

I've gotten this before too, and it's so annoying. It just doesn't make sense at all. If I wanted a women's shoe, I wouldn't be looking in the MEN'S section. So what makes you think I want your stupid girly shoe? Ugh, makes me mad just thinking about it...

Luckily it only happens when they run out of my size though, since I have average male sized feet.

[EliNewGuy]

Sorry Eli,

That's pretty stupid of the sales person. Just curious, did you correct her and say I'm a man I'm not interested in a womans shoe?
I'm sure there are some guys with a smaller foot maybe one of them can give you a good store to go to for smaller mens shoes.

Andrew,
I don't have the confidence to do that yet - I'm pre-T for the time being and my voice ruins everything.  I could say that, but I'd just sound like a short-haired girl saying she's a guy.  I feel like it would just be even more awkward.  :/

[Sean]

It's actually a not-so-talked about issue: the lack of shoes between the gap of youth and the start of men's. Trying to hunt down info about which brands make shoes through all the sizes (as I'm in a similar position), I learned something...

...they DO recommend women's shoes to bio born guys when they hit that size. So I wouldn't take it personally or as a knock on your passing. Everywhere, there are many many guys who are being steered to women's shoes to cover them while they bridge the gap between youth and adult sizes.

And while I understand that you don't want pink and glitter, the truth is that there ARE brands that make identical shoes and shoe styles for men and women. No one would ever know if you had a women's shoe or not with some of the styles.

Anyway, I get why it's annoying, and I know exactly how it feels to have to keep a list of which brands make shoes between sizes 5 and 7 (or even 5 and 8!). Just wanted you to know that the sales technique of recommending women's shoes is a common one for cis-guys.

[TheAetherealMeadow]

This kind of makes me want to experiment and go to a shoe store dressed up en homme and using my masculine voice and see if they would suggest womens' shoes for me, since I am also a mens' 6.5/ womens' 8. But I think shoe sizes are ridiculous. Why can't they categorize shoes by length in centimeters? That would be so much easier and won't have the gap in between childrens' and mens' sizes, and you won't have to bother with the conversion between mens' and womens' sizes.

[Robert Scott]

I have small feet as well.....

So, I have started going to the boys department for shoes....I don't even wear the largest size!  Often times I can find similar or the same shoe in the boys section.

[xAndrewx]

Andrew,
I don't have the confidence to do that yet - I'm pre-T for the time being and my voice ruins everything.  I could say that, but I'd just sound like a short-haired girl saying she's a guy.  I feel like it would just be even more awkward.  :/

Oh alright, that makes sense. Confidence comes over time. I was correcting people even when I only passed half of the time and surprisingly when you tell a salesperson you are male they won't have any reason to say otherwise. Plus the cool thing about practicing on them is that you don't interact with them on a regular basis (unless you live in a REALLY small town) and they have to be polite or you can report them. Not saying you should do that because it's all up to you but was throwing that out there as an idea.

Also Rob has a good idea. My mom has small feet so she has to shop in the girls section sometimes. They never look at you weird because I guess it's common

[Kyndra R.]

I would do nearly anything to be a size 8.  I completely empathize with your frustration, except I live on the other end of the spectrum where my feet are a size 12 womans shoe and it just rips me apart sometimes when I find a pair of super cute gotta have shoes or boots and they only go up to size 10 or 9.5

I have still magmaged to gather a respectable collection but it's an ongoing problem.  Also, it kind of frustrates me that when shopping for heels of any kind they seem to compulsively make size 12 shoes with 4 inch heels. For an extremely tall girl, for practical use, why the heck would I want to add 4 more inches to my bight. Sometimes I think the fashion industry is hopelessly inbred and generally lacks vision, form, or function.

Rant rant :-)

Kyndra
XXOO

[EliNewGuy]

It's actually a not-so-talked about issue: the lack of shoes between the gap of youth and the start of men's. Trying to hunt down info about which brands make shoes through all the sizes (as I'm in a similar position), I learned something...

...they DO recommend women's shoes to bio born guys when they hit that size....Just wanted you to know that the sales technique of recommending women's shoes is a common one for cis-guys.

Hey, thanks for that info - it does make it a bit better.  I'm still REALLY insecure about passing so that helps to know. 

Eli

[Clay]

eh, my favorite pair of sneakers is pale blue/lime 

but really, if it annoys you (understandable) that much, buy online. no need to throw your money at people who make you mad.

[Mr.Rainey]

I go to the boys section since I am a size 5. I tend to go for skate shoes so theres usually plenty.

[Tamaki]

There are lots of other places that would like to take your money. I have to low tolerance for unhelpful sales staff.

I fall into the other end of the size spectrum. I wear a women's 14 or 15. Try finding something that's not an ugly fetish 5" heel or anything that cost less than $150. it's a real challenge.

I tend to go for skate shoes so theres usually plenty.

Slip on Van's were my favorite for years.

[kyril]

It's actually a not-so-talked about issue: the lack of shoes between the gap of youth and the start of men's. Trying to hunt down info about which brands make shoes through all the sizes (as I'm in a similar position), I learned something...

...they DO recommend women's shoes to bio born guys when they hit that size. So I wouldn't take it personally or as a knock on your passing. Everywhere, there are many many guys who are being steered to women's shoes to cover them while they bridge the gap between youth and adult sizes.

And while I understand that you don't want pink and glitter, the truth is that there ARE brands that make identical shoes and shoe styles for men and women. No one would ever know if you had a women's shoe or not with some of the styles.

Anyway, I get why it's annoying, and I know exactly how it feels to have to keep a list of which brands make shoes between sizes 5 and 7 (or even 5 and 8!). Just wanted you to know that the sales technique of recommending women's shoes is a common one for cis-guys.

I just want to know wtf cis boys from conservative families do when their feet are between sizes 5 and 7. I know they don't spend a long time in that size range, since it tends to correspond with the adolescent growth spurt, but it has to at least be a nonzero amount of time. Right? And most such boys' families wouldn't take kindly to being steered toward the women's section.

[Rock_chick]

i ended up living in my converse beacuse I'm around a uk 6.5/7 so finding mens shoes in those sizes that i liked was a real challenge.

[marte]

I'm very familiar with your situation... I love my DC skating shoes, although I've yet to find my size (I wear one cm above my size, but used to it now, doesn't look so awkward! :p)
I always get redirected to the womens section too.

[Arch]

Before transition, I only wore men's shoes. A sales guy approached me while I was standing in the men's section, the shoe of choice in my hand. He asked what size, and I told him. He went into the stock and came back with a pair. I damn near killed myself trying to put them on and had to double check the size, which was correct. WTF? He offered half a size larger, and I said, "I don't think that's going to be big enough..." At some point, I realized that he had substituted the comparable women's model, in the numerical size I had asked for--in women's. I got the right shoe eventually.

That's the only salesman I ever met who substituted a female shoe for a male shoe. I was very sensitive about the gender thing, so I was steaming mad. I was still ranting as my partner and I left the store. He said, "Well, what do you expect?" Uh, I expect him to bring me the exact model I asked for.

Okay, I know it was an honest mistake, but still...

[Luc]

Strange... I never had any salesperson try this on me. I've been wearing men's shoes almost ostensibly since I was 14, so about 14 years, and only 11 or so were while looking like a chick. I can't imagine why someone would be confused when asked to grab a size in a particular shoe, especially when the customer is HOLDING THE EXACT SHOE. Just as in the OP's situation, women's shoes of a comparable model are almost always different in some manner apart from sizing, whether it be color or fabric or what have you. As per Arch, I'm not certain that was an honest mistake, considering the aforementioned. I may have size 10 men's feet, but even when I was a size 7 and noticeably female-looking, no one treated me that way when shopping for shoes.

SD