Mannerisms that help you pass

[Lee]

I was talking to my therapist about ways to pass better, and we got on the topic of female and male mannerisms.  Other than some things that are discussed often on here (vocal pitch, crossing legs, and walking with hips/torso are the ones that come to mind), I'm having a hard time finding information on typically male/female specific motions or actions.  What ones have you guys noticed or heard about?

[Brent123]

Girls tend to talk more with their hands I've noticed.

[GinaDouglas]

This is something transwomen spend alot of time on.  If you look on youtube for videos about female mannerisms, you will see that to understand the differences; they have to cover both sides.  We learn female mannerisms by learning to differentiate them from the male mannerisms we know.  So y'all should be able to learn them from the same videos, in reverse.  In short, the major differences are walking, posture, sitting, claiming space, eye contact, elbows, wrists and hands.

[EliNewGuy]

I find that I pass better as a gay male than as a straight one, so ironically enough, I have had to learn to act more "feminine" in order to pass as male!  Go figure.  I change my vocal inflection, talk more with my hands, and "stroll" vs. "lumber" when I walk, and it's amazing - instant "twink."  Whereas when I act more like "me" - a more aggro walk, less lilt to the voice, etc. - I get mistaken for a butch lesbian.   :-/   

[spacial]

The one that most stands out for me is that men tend to point their foreheads toward those they are talking to, while women tend to point their chins.
Aslo, women tend to invade the space around people more frequently

[Emmanuelle]

[...] women tend to invade the space around people more frequently

I'd rather say that their personal space requirements are less prominent. It's not like they invade space... (at least I don't feel it that way)

Love
Emma

[VeronikaFTH]

Here are some if you're an MtF... Drop your shoulders, keep your arms at your sides when walking, don't walk with your legs spread apart, quit lumbering around like a bodybuilder, and don't wear stilettos and a leather miniskirt in the early afternoon. Yes, I mean you, person who came out of my electrologist's office the other day, as I was walking in.  Yeesh....

Of course, if you are FtM, you may do all these things. Except, you might want to leave out the miniskirt and stilettos as well. 

[Nikolai_S]

Hmm... well, once I got my binder I started scratching at my pecs in public once in a while, because I had never been able to when they were itchy and not bound. Women will not go around scratching their boobs, even if they're itchy, even if they're small. So I'd say that's fairly male.

There's always the "guy nod," where you basically jut your chin up quick to say 'sup to other guys. Girls don't let their hands stray near their crotches when they sit, always on their knees or by their sides.

I've never seen a guy fussing with his hair much in public, so that might be a solely female one. And, when you have something in your eye, or your eyes are watering, running a finger gently across your lower lid instead of rubbing your whole eye like mad is a definite girl thing.

The one that most stands out for me is that men tend to point their foreheads toward those they are talking to, while women tend to point their chins.
Aslo, women tend to invade the space around people more frequently

My experiences are actually the opposite. I only see women with their heads lowered enough when speaking for their foreheads to point towards me, but men often have their heads raised and thus chins pointing. It's a more confident gesture. Kind of agree with the second... women seem to have less of a personal space bubble, but they're also more careful who they bump into, and more likely to take a step back if someone gets too close. I'm having a hard time breaking that habit.
Guys often tend to assume that someone will step aside if they get too close - when I was perceived as female, I had several near collisions with men who expected me to veer out of their ways. Staying your path even if it means bumping shoulders with an alpha-male type is guaranteed to get you seen as either a guy or a damn kick-ass girl. Oh, and also rude and/or asking for trouble. So careful with it.

[Nilisa]

i pass much better when i am in control of where my eyes go. women's eyes tend to be more afraid, move around, avert more...guys keep it all under control and usually in one direction. something that is SO hard to get down when i am uncomfortable but it seems to make a difference.

Awesome. I can't keep my eyes in one place, and I can't look anyone in the eye. Go me! 

[SarahM777]

One thing I have noticed is that both men and women will use some body English but they use it in different ways. To me appears that men will use less and mostly it's when they are trying to make a point. It appears that it's a bit tight and more closed and a bit more forceful like driving a nail in the wall.
Women appear to use more but it's more subtle. Less forceful,more open, and not as exaggerated. This does not mean that it's always true but to me this appears to be the tendencies.

[justmeinoz]

Nikolai, you have pointed out one of the main things I have to avoid- scratching. 
Guys scratch themselves a lot more, scalp, chin, ear, nose, arms, and yes their crotches too, especially when there are only other guys around.  
Also they are not afraid to fart, and will make jokes about it!

[VeronikaFTH]

And, when you have something in your eye, or your eyes are watering, running a finger gently across your lower lid instead of rubbing your whole eye like mad is a definite girl thing.

That's because we'd smear our makeup by rubbing madly.

[spacial]

My experiences are actually the opposite. I only see women with their heads lowered enough when speaking for their foreheads to point towards me, but men often have their heads raised and thus chins pointing. It's a more confident gesture. Kind of agree with the second... women seem to have less of a personal space bubble, but they're also more careful who they bump into, and more likely to take a step back if someone gets too close. I'm having a hard time breaking that habit.
Guys often tend to assume that someone will step aside if they get too close - when I was perceived as female, I had several near collisions with men who expected me to veer out of their ways. Staying your path even if it means bumping shoulders with an alpha-male type is guaranteed to get you seen as either a guy or a damn kick-ass girl. Oh, and also rude and/or asking for trouble. So careful with it.

You may be right. You probably are.

[K8]

Women tend to move around a lot more than men do, when walking, sitting, talking, doing whatever.  I don't mean fidgeting, just that we tend to be freer to move than men. 

Men will lean toward you when talking to try for domination; women will lean toward you when listening to help establish relationship.  Men will interrupt more, or at least to bring the subject back to them.  Women may interrupt, but it is often to embellish or show interest.

I found that I didn't really have to learn female mannerisms, I just had to let them out.  I would think that going the other direction you would constrain your movements until that became natural to you.  Just tamp things down several notches to act male.  I've noticed that some lesbians will have many of the more constrained mannerisms of men, and some men will 'look gay' by being as expressive as women.

One way to learn is to watch - really watch - how others move and act.

- Kate

[Ruby]

Girls tend to talk more with their hands I've noticed.

This might be generally true, but when a guy does talk with his hands, the fingers will be more assertive, less flowery. That is, men keep their fingers together when gesturing whereas women tend to curl them a bit more, with maybe just one or two more straight. If you look at flamenco dancers, male and female, you will see this as one obvious difference. It shows up in casual conversation as well.

[Nikolai_S]

nikolai - just wondering if this has improved for you as passing improves. this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves and it actually upsets me quite a bit. i would love to walk somewhere without weaving back and forth all the time. it;s improved a little bit as my self-confidence has gone up but it still bothers me when people make the assumption.

You know, I'm not actually sure... I haven't had this happen lately, but I don't know if it has to do with me passing, or me avoiding the college campus where this happened most often. Confidence associated with passing, however, has probably helped a good deal in the way I carry myself and such - moving more masculinely overall.

[Elijah3291]

Hmm... well, once I got my binder I started scratching at my pecs in public once in a while, because I had never been able to when they were itchy and not bound. Women will not go around scratching their boobs, even if they're itchy, even if they're small. So I'd say that's fairly male.

There's always the "guy nod," where you basically jut your chin up quick to say 'sup to other guys. Girls don't let their hands stray near their crotches when they sit, always on their knees or by their sides.

I've never seen a guy fussing with his hair much in public, so that might be a solely female one. And, when you have something in your eye, or your eyes are watering, running a finger gently across your lower lid instead of rubbing your whole eye like mad is a definite girl thing.

I actually loved the pec scratch thing, and noticed that once i started binding.  I also agree with all of the ones you posted up here

[Lee]

nikolai - just wondering if this has improved for you as passing improves. this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves and it actually upsets me quite a bit. i would love to walk somewhere without weaving back and forth all the time. it;s improved a little bit as my self-confidence has gone up but it still bothers me when people make the assumption.

I tend to just set a path and walk along it.  If someone is in my way, I'll kind of tilt my torso to indicate on which side I'll be passing them, and they usually move.  Earlier today I kind of cut off two cops, and they did NOT look happy with me. 

[K8]

I tend to just set a path and walk along it.  If someone is in my way, I'll kind of tilt my torso to indicate on which side I'll be passing them, and they usually move.  Earlier today I kind of cut off two cops, and they did NOT look happy with me. 

Actually, I think that is just rude - not feminine or masculine.  I have seen young people do that and am offended by it.  I am a woman in my sixties and expect a certain respect because of my age.  If I was a police officer, I would also expect a certain amount of respect.  Having a young person plow through me would be offensive.

And BTW: It is generally not a good idea to offend people who can make your life miserable.

- Kate

[kyril]

I find that I pass better as a gay male than as a straight one, so ironically enough, I have had to learn to act more "feminine" in order to pass as male!  Go figure.  I change my vocal inflection, talk more with my hands, and "stroll" vs. "lumber" when I walk, and it's amazing - instant "twink."  Whereas when I act more like "me" - a more aggro walk, less lilt to the voice, etc. - I get mistaken for a butch lesbian.   :-/

Yeah, I have the same problem - fem mannerisms actually help me pass as male. "Me" is a pretty butch guy, but that doesn't come across quite right with my current physical appearance.