Becoming myself

[Brent123]

I'm not expecting a response of any kind. I just need to get this out and share it with people that understand.

Recently I've been having some trouble handling who I am as a person. The dysphoria has become worse for me and that has brought some trouble. Every time I think about starting testosterone treatment, I get depressed. I'm not sure if that's from wanting it too much or what. All I know is I have to do something about it.

I'm meeting with a gender identity support group on the 18th and I'm really looking forward to it. Also, I made the decision that I am going to make an appointment with my doctor and tell her my concerns since I figured she could help me out on that level with getting therapy and what not.

I've come out to two different people; my girlfriend and my best friend. Both have been more then supportive. I really couldn't ask for a better reaction. I'm working on writing a letter to my parents at the moment and although I'm scared to death, I'm optimistic about their reaction.

Everything seems to be happening so fast and before I know it, I'll be on my way to becoming the person I've been forced to hide for 19 years and I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to start this long journey.

Each day brings me one step closer to being myself.

[Andy]

Good for you. Nice to see you're not being so "shai" anymore! 

Good luck!

[Brent123]

Well thanks Andy. Shai was a temp name until I found one that suited me better. 

[Heath]

Honestly, while the beginning of your post sounded self-judging and harsh, I think that you realized partway through writing it that you CAN handle yourself and you ARE.  You just haven't fully acknowledged it yet to yourself.  You're taking very positive steps (going to the gender support group, coming out to people who are close to you), and even if/when you lose faith in yourself, it sounds like you'll have some stability to get you right back onto that positive way of thinking.  Major props to you!