Have you ever had a trans friend who...

[Da Monkey]

... said you would never be able to pass?

When I finally came out to my friend who was FTM, although he was very happy and excited for me and helped me a lot, he didn't think I would pass very well. I remember feeling pretty down after hearing that from my trans friend who struggled a lot more than I did (not with pass but transitioning in general) especially because that's pretty much the only reason why I didn't want to come out was fear of not passing.

He told me a good tip to do right before I first cut my hair: wear a hat and stuff the hair in it and take a bunch of pictures with different clothes and expressions (I know you don't have to have short hair, just I hated long hair but only had it to hide my face). After I showed them to him he was surprised how well I passed and said "wow I really didn't think you would".

Just wondered if anyone had been in the same situation OR if you've been in a reverse situation where your friend came out and you didn't think they would pass very well.

[Lee]

I actually don't know any other trans people, but I had a lot of reservations on whether I'd ever be able to pass.  I went from looking very girly to pretty much being my brother's twin in one haircut (which was really weird), so that made me feel a lot better.  I'm still going to need T to become passable on a regular basis, but I've yet to see anyone on here who will never pass.

[Da Monkey]

Yeah I agree that no one here will never pass. It's amazing though what a hair cut or style can do sometimes.

And you really don't know any trans people?  In the last city I lived in I knew about 5 or 6 FTMs, and 3 of us worked at the same place at one point hahah. But we all came out at different times to each other. It was kind of strange. It's harder to watch other people come out and just sit there.

[Lee]

And you really don't know any trans people?

Oddly enough, my first experience with other trans people was susan's.  Before that, my "knowledge" of trans people consisted of 'it's little boys who want to be girls and grow up to be cross dressers'  .  I didn't realize that passing was an option up until about a year ago when I met a drag king friend of a friend (not trans, to my knowledge), who looked like just a normal guy.  It kind of blew my mind that it was possible to really pass.  Sorry for getting off topic, but yeah, I'm glad to finally have an understanding of what's going on.

[Nygeel]

Most people I know and have spoken to have seem to go with the thought that I wouldn't be able to pass unless I had maybe a full beard or something. So far they've been kinda right (unfortunately).

[Da Monkey]

Lee,
You know what's funny about that, I had no idea what being trans was about even when my friend was transitioning. I was so ignorant I was like "okay so he wants to be a lesbian but with a guy name :/" I just didn't get it at ALL. Then after a couple of years one of my ex's little sister sent me a youtube video and was like "holy crap watch this" so I did. it was about a guy asking for subs to donate money for his top surgery so I said "okay its just some guy begging for money" and she said "he's trans, he was born biologically female" .  I was completely shocked. he had facial hair, deep voice, etc. So then I finally researched it all and I couldn't get his image out of my head. It was like a part of me split and I kept being unable to look in the mirror. etc etc. but yeah wow it's so stupid to think back on. I don't know how I could have been so ignorant. :/ it's embarrassing now.

[Lee]

I don't know how I could have been so ignorant. :/ it's embarrassing now.

Yeah, I know what you mean.    I've spent the majority of my life since puberty trying to figure out what the $%@^ is wrong, and it scares me to think that, if I hadn't met her and started looking into things, how long it would have taken me to figure it out on my own.

Nygeel, that's too bad, but from what I've seen you look pretty darned good.

[Nygeel]

Nygeel, that's too bad, but from what I've seen you look pretty darned good.

Thanks. I'm just sort of waiting to get to the point where everybody else (or the majority) sees me in the same light. I'm just shy of 3 months now.

[Da Monkey]

Yeah, I know what you mean.    I've spent the majority of my life since puberty trying to figure out what the $%@^ is wrong, and it scares me to think that, if I hadn't met her and started looking into things, how long it would have taken me to figure it out on my own.

Nygeel, that's too bad, but from what I've seen you look pretty darned good.

Hahah yeah I know, that's a crazy thought :|

and Nygeel, you seem to pass pretty well from that photo.

[Nygeel]

and Nygeel, you seem to pass pretty well from that photo.

That's from a few years ago, pre-T and has the right angle. In person it doesn't work like that so much.

[Da Monkey]

That's from a few years ago, pre-T and has the right angle. In person it doesn't work like that so much.

Sometimes if someone knows about you, or knew you before you started to transition, that's usually all they see.

Like say I am around someone who knew me before and someone else comes by and calls me he or Jay, the person I am with looks so shocked that I was taken for a male even with my deep voice and sort-of beard. Some people just can't "see" it because they know.

Or if it is people that don't know you altogether, if you've been on T for 3 months then it should be really soon that you should pass just even by your voice.

[Debra]

Frankly I think that's extremely rude and just plain untrue.

To have a friend tell you , you DONT pass.....can be hard...if they're trying to be honest and you were asking.

But to say  you will NEVER pass....it's a bunch of bunk and like I said, just plain rude...icky

[Nygeel]

Sometimes if someone knows about you, or knew you before you started to transition, that's usually all they see.

Like say I am around someone who knew me before and someone else comes by and calls me he or Jay, the person I am with looks so shocked that I was taken for a male even with my deep voice and sort-of beard. Some people just can't "see" it because they know.

Or if it is people that don't know you altogether, if you've been on T for 3 months then it should be really soon that you should pass just even by your voice.

Oh, people that I just run into, barbers, people at the bank, just people that don't know me at all read me as female. My voice is still fairly female, it's annoying.

But anyways...this is getting far off topic. If you'd like to keep going with this convo PMs seem more appropriate.

[Da Monkey]

Frankly I think that's extremely rude and just plain untrue.

To have a friend tell you , you DONT pass.....can be hard...if they're trying to be honest and you were asking.

But to say  you will NEVER pass....it's a bunch of bunk and like I said, just plain rude...icky

Yeah it's pretty bad. I don't think he ever said never pass but pretty sure he said probably won't with a look on his face. But a lot of reactions like that could come from people's own insecurities and problems passing.

[Da Monkey]

Oh, people that I just run into, barbers, people at the bank, just people that don't know me at all read me as female. My voice is still fairly female, it's annoying.

But anyways...this is getting far off topic. If you'd like to keep going with this convo PMs seem more appropriate.

hahah I sent you a pm, let me know if it works. still a bit new at this.